After what has been a terrifying long 3 months I finally returned to the dam. After many trips with the missus it was finally time for me to take a mate with me again and really get into the straintesting. Back in cologne we catch up at least once a week, so after we booked the trip in january the excitement grew with every time we met up. Before we started our jurney on Sunday (9th April) we met up for a warm-up on sunday night to get ourselves into the right mood for 5 days in and around mokum. We had a hotel in Amsterdam booked for the first night and an appartement for the last few nights in Zandvoort cause there ain't many things better than a billiard/monopoly/around the world session at La Paz (which apparently is called Key West 2 now, but the memories make it remain la paz to me)
After sunday morning was welcomed with a few spliffs we packed the car and made it to the hotel in just 2 1/2 hours. We could also check in right on even tho we were way too early. Happy days. Filled our pockets with all the important goods and went straight to the tram station. I figured out a badass quick way to 1e Hulp cause that was kind of the next shop from our hotel. The smartass that I am I forgot to keep an eye on tram numbers so we ended up somewhere that was definetely not 1e Hulp. Backed up by google maps we started walking and somehow made it to the shop after what felt like years of a journey.
Sun is shining, it's 20 degrees, I smell weed and I'm in Amsterdam - sometimes it takes some time until you realise that youre actually back where you want to be. People don't understand why the hell I'm doing 6-12 Amsterdam trips every year but it's that kind of feeling I get when I'm there, just feeling comfy and understood - propably everyone here might understand that.
We get in and it's crowded as hell - 1e Hulp is packed and I'm talking a serious packness here. I head straight for the Intensive Care cause I really liked it the last couple of visits and it doesn't disappoint this time again. We sit down opposite to the bar to roll a joint for our walking as some English Mates sit down next to us and we get into a chat with them just because we have the same grinder and share a few laughs. I love Amsterdam, I really do.
As we go for a walk and light up that first Amsterdam Spliff I get a nice high off it. Not really any kind of hard hitting high, just a relaxing, introducing high off the first joint. We walk past black star and paradox but I'm stinging for food first. I really don't like smoking with an empty stomach, makes me feel a bit sick sometimes. Things a stoned human being would eat after arriving in Amsterdam anyone? Show me: Febo!
The Dam is packed as hell as there is some sort of funfair but we sneak our way through and get our hands on kipburgers and bacon burgers. With our bellys full again we walk over to Utopia just to find it being crowded as well. Our emergency plan is again proudly sponsored by google maps - Mediterrané is just around the corner, and to be honest I always avoided that shop cause it just doesnt look appealing from the outside.
When we get in the shop is just empty. There is no one except for the 2 Budtenders. The one who served us was really kind and let us have a look at everything we were interested in. Nice chat with him, opted for the Orange Bud cause I think that if you get that strain right you have a stunner at 9€ a gramm. They got it right, it looked nice, smelt nice and burned nice. Effekt was a bit heavier than with the intensive care. Not like a hard hitting out of your mind high, just harder in effects of body high and stoned effect.
We chilled out for a fair bit watching football matches and smoking joints and bongs of the Orange Bud. As we were keen for more we rolled a spliff and made our way to Bagheera. We didnt walk there straight away but strolled around the canals a bit just to land a bit around the corner from bagheera. We sat down on a bench and lit up the spliff as a guy walks up to us who seems to be more than happy to hear someone speak German. He tells us that hes with his girlfriend but shes not into smoking, so she went shopping and he and i quote - "just did one hell of a coffeeshoptour, smoked wax with some americans and lost everything", such as his wallet and his mobile phone. I first thought he wants to "cal her" and run away with my phone, but pessimist me not believing in humanity was surprised when he just asked for 2,90€ so he can somehow get back to the hotel. We hooked him up and shared our spliff with him, everyone can get hit on by Amsterdam and if one day I'll be that someone I'd appreciate that as well.
After finishing the Orange Bud Spliff we got into Bagheera and I think we got Strawberry Haze but I cant really remember. Anyone whos been to Bagheera twice or more often knows the Giant Series Bong. I guess. Anyways it's a massive bong and ive already seen several people not being able to handle it, greening out or falling asleep in the shop. Thats why I always kept my hands off that thing, I just couldnt fathom that kind of high and a big walk through the city after that. My mate tho got a massive smile when he saw it and asked me to get it for him cause he's not too secure speaking english. The budtender cleaned it for quite some time and really got that thing looking like fresh off the shops. So he filled the cone, lit it up and took 2 fat tokes. Surprisingly he was so excited by the thing that he went straight for another one. Amsterdam Mode had definetely kicked in by then. We rolled a spliff, smoked it and kept walking.
We walked past Jolly Joker and although they really don't have the best weed in town the table right at the window upstairs is a nice spot to be. Unfortunately it was taken and the rest of the shop was full as hell, so we decided for a walk to voyagers to get something interesting. We ended up getting 24K and Orange Diesel. We didnt smoke them until the evening, Orange Diesel was a bit of a disappointent although it had a nice taste with it. I just love the special diesel taste and this one definetely had it. In terms of effect tho it wasnt quite the one. The 24K but hit pretty hard and was worth the money. Nice kushy and earthy taste, think it was 13,50.
As we had not smoked for a while at this point we walked straight into picasso to get the spot under the stairs. Taken. Jesus Christ, what is this about? After getting some Cheese we sat down upstairs in front of the big window without thinking about the fact that the sun was hammering right there. It took a frying 5 minutes until i was dripping because of it, so we just rolled a joint with the Orange Bud and took our drinks for the next Walk.
Quick stop at Dampkring 2 to get some hash, Rifman Laila and of course King Hassan were bought. The Laila was creamy and easy to roll, king hassan had to be burned as always to be rolled into nice little hash sausages. it might as well be the first time im able to say that the service in this shop was as good as the product. Friendly budtender who didn't rush because of a few people around the bar, let us have a look at what we were into and was up for a nice chat. Cheers on that!
As I don't like chilling there for some reason we walked on to one of my absolute favourites. Not just because of their sensible and customer orientated Facebook account, but also for the nice and local atmosphere in coffeeshop 137 I go back there everytime I'm in the dam. And it is in one of the most beautiful streets of amsterdam. Pretty much always opting for the dutch haze for 10€ but this time there was just some small bids left so we went for the NYC Diesel at i think 12 or 13€. Again really intense Diesely taste and a bit of a hammer but in a nice way. Smoked some of that and the King Hassan in the Bong and had a massive chillout for quite a bit.
By the time we got out of 137 it started to get dark outside and we were indeed a bit smashed, so back to the hotel. Again Google Maps did a great job at leading us down to the burning gates of hell where Stoners Death awaited us. So we didn't take our bank and credit cards cause things can go pretty wrong in the dam. Of course now we ended up at a bus stop where there was no tram going, no ticket machine and the bus driver explained to us that we cant pay cash in buses. Houston you there? I think we might have a bit of a problem here. I get the point why theyre doing that but still fucking hell mate wont you just take us with you
Of course He didnt. And weve been to albert heijn before so we had a massive bag full of food and drinks on us. Again google maps had to lead us, and it did actually lead us the right way just for once. We ended up at a tram stop, went in one, got a ticket, got out at the next stop and cought our bus. As it was pretty empty in there and we were stinging for some more green I started rolling in the back and the trip from the bus stop to our hotel was used for a spliff of the 24k. Wrong decision as i got more exhausted with every toke of that but still a lovely kushy strain. I enjoyed it, but just because I didnt know what was about to happen to us 
We got into the hotel and as it was evening time and we were pretty ready for a chillout session we got ourself the Playstation4 from the car. Several games were packed as we were staying for a bit and there was a lot of time for GTA, Fifa and Gran Turismo. Ha. Haha. Yea right, so hows this Hotel-TV working, wheres the HDMI port? There was none. And we had just one really bad german tv channel for the entire night.
Well, so what are we doing now? We actually really had a TV with us, because there was none in the flat in Zandvoort. After first joking about getting it out of the car we realized there might be no way around it. Have you ever seen 2 guys carrying a 40 inch TV through a hotel lobby? I haven't, propably because thats weird and awkward as fuck. Now this is not any kind of bad behaviour here, there was just so much evening left and the area of the hotel didnt really invite us to do stuff. Bad excuses from an obviously really bad person
As we still were pretty stoned we started the journey to the garage and couldn't stop laughing about what we were going to do. It did not get better as we started getting the tv out of the car, which was a bit of a struggle. We had it on the backseats and really had to keep it together to not just let it fall. At first I couldnt even start walking with it cause I was laughing pretty hard.
Now there was an elevator from the garage to the lobby. You had to walk past to the reception to the next elevator tho, and that was the tricky bit. We somehow managed to get it to the groundfloor, walked past 4 hotel employees and an estimated 5000 guest who were all looking at us, I dont know if i ever felt that uncomfortable.
Anyways we got the thing upstairs and went for many many fifa matches, the Albert Heijn groceries and almost everything of the stash. Good Night Amsterdam, theres still so much to come here but you already did so much to me today.
Day 2 - Monday
I woke up and looked at my phone - 7:15 am. Sleep or smoke? As my mate was awake as well there was just one option. Rolled up some of whatever we got at Bagheera and went outstide again to find this beautiful amsterdam morning with refreshing clean air, dont get this sort of thing too often in the city I live in.
There was a nice little water thing just around the corner of the hotel so we got our smoke on and celebrated the early morning atmosphere in this business area. 2 or 3 Joints and a shower later we head downstairs to get breakfast and find a nice and large buffet with everything a stoner would wish for in the morning. Words are not needed here. it was the best way to start this day.
As we got ready to keep on traveling to Zandvoort we realized that the TV has to be brought downstairs again and there might be people thinking that it isnt ours. We did it straight away and of course when we got in the lift to the lobby there were heaps of people inside. For fucks sake, why does this keep happening. Anyways we got it all packed, checked out and made our way to further adventures.
A spontaneous decision led us to Haarlem where we planned on getting mushrooms. I haven't had some in ages and I wasnt really into that idea but my mate had been talking about taking them for quite some time so yea, think I'm just getting old.
The smartshop was closed but luckily Willie Wortels Sensemillia wasnt. We got some black widow haze which was awesome at i think 9,50€. Budtender was up for quite the long chat about whats going on with the shops in Haarlem and Zandvoort, about Amsterdam and how the goernment isn't treating anybody right. Although he kept talking for ages he was definetely making a point - they want the money out of it but they dont want to do anything for it and no ones ready for aggreements.
After we finished our chat we sat down on the roof terrace and started blazing, the black widow felt really nice and the weather was on our side as well, such a lovely place to chill at.
After some time we called our contact person from the appartement and walked back to the car. Wait. Where the hell even is it?
We really didnt save up any information on where we parked it and did a lot of walking since then. I remember seeing a massive garage with signs on it just around the corner and that really did save the day, google maps led us there and we found it being kind of locked in the gap by some delivery van. I managed to get it out of the gap, although the driver of the van parked extremely reckless and stupid. Sometimes, especially in traffic, i just hate people.While driving through haarlem we saw a seriously stunishing trio of a Porsche GT3 RS, a Cayman GT4 Clubsport and a 911 Turbo S on the roads. Most people wouldnt really care but for me as a petrolhead this was pure Sex and worth a felt 500 pictures. What an astonishing setup.
When the struggle of driving was done we finally arrived in Zandvoort, where our good old girl Marianne was awaiting us. Kind of. Cause she was still cleaning the appartement and we just left the luggage there. As a plan was made long before the arrival this was no problem for us, straight to Yanks to get ourselves some tshirts for 5 gramms each.
We opted for:
2 Gramms of White Widow - 8/10 , just solid for a good price. Tastes and smells perfectly as it should
2 Gramms of "Haze" - Bargain at 7€/gramm, pretty decent but nice in taste and effect 8/10
1 gramm of Holy Grail Kush - This was the ultimate purchase. Heavy hitting kush high, great spicy kush taste. 9/10
1 gramm of strawberry bio kush - 8/10
1 gramm of Amnesia Haze - 7/10
1 gramm of lavendel Kush - 8,5/10 pretty hard hitting although kind of harsh on the throat
1 gramm of super polm and one gramm of something I forgot about. Edit: It was sweet chocolope!
The super polm was a solid 8/10 as well. 
That purchase did indeed take its time but the budtenders happily showed us everything and were kind as always in yanks, although there was quite the queue behind us when we finished. Went upstairs for some gambling at the table and smoked some of the strawberry bio kush, which tasted or smelt nothing like strawberry but I'm fine with that as I had so called "apple haze" for 14e before from another shop and that was pure junk. Like, some lemon hazes do indeed taste lemony, and there might even be pineapple stuff that smells like an actual pinneaple. But after all it's weed, and if theres too much unusual taste or smell on it you can bet your ass on it being sprayed, which is a disgusting thing and customer betrayal in my eyes. Never had any experience like that in Yanks tho, still whats the point of calling it strawberry kush then? Stoned thoughts of a stoned man. I got pretty high off it so i wont complain.
We did a quick shopping at albert heijn as well and got back to the appartement with our pockets and bags full of lovely things. Checking in we found out that Marianne is not quite the pothead you would wish her to be when you're staying at hers. My mate "toasted" a cigarette for his bong mix so it smelt a bit like cigarette smoke. Few mins later Marianne knocked at the door and told us the kitchen sink had to be repaired this afternoon. "No worries" we said, as we were almost on our way to la paz anyways. She added: "Does it smell like cigarettes in here?" to which I kindly replied that we both had one on the terrace and she doesnt need to worry about us smoking in the appartement. So far so good. As she was almost out of the room she said "oh yea, I had these people here a few weeks back who were smoking.. mmh, stuff, you know, weed. I hate it, I can not smell it and I hate it when people do this." - Yup. I could not be with you any more my dear. A bit confused I tried to formulate a proper reply but couldnt help and smiled a bit when she said it. That was half past 3.
As she said theyd be done around 5, we made our way to la paz and stayed for a good 1 1/2 hours. We really were the only ones in the entire shop which made for a really nice sesh getting g13 and OG Kush. The G13 was just solid while the OG really did the job. My mate and I got our hands on some OG Kush back home a few years back and that was by far the best weed I ever had. Since then I'm pretty into the strain and this was the best OG I had since then - taste, smell, effect, the holy trinity was delicious inside those big nuts and we bought a lot more of it while we were in Zandvoort.
A few matches of billiard, a quick Kniffel and monopoly game at the gambling table and another stroll to febo and the world famous zandvoort circus (not an actual circus - its more like an arcade game center. Like sitting in a drivers seat and race with actual pedals and a steering wheel) later, we returned to the appartement. Now it was finally time to get sorted, grab the massive wooden plate and dropped it on the table as a rolling space. It took 2 bongs and 1 spliff until Marianne was back again. Jesus fucking Christ. Apparently she had not done anything at all yet and told the mechanic to do whatever needs to be done to get the kitchen sink right. To me there was nothing wrong with it but yea, my state wasn't quite right for an argument about what the hell is going on.
As she was watching the man doing his work she noticed that it smelt like weed - not the best thing for our already pretty damaged relationship. Being a bit annoying but also heaps kind before she now left the room with a quick goodbye - " Thursday 10am gentleman" she informed us, and finally she was gone. This left us 2, a table full of weed, my mates massive bong, the tv we replaced hers with, and the mechanic alone in the appartement. We didnt really know how to act and went for a fifa match but couldnt stop laughing as it was pretty hilarious how things went the last few hours. As he was gone the time had come to go full throttle and do quite the testing with all the strains we got.
I barely remember all the details but the Holy Grail Kush really did the job. It was "reasonably" priced with 13,50 (thats just for nowadays) while youd propably find a strain like that for at least 15 in the dam. It had the famous kushy taste, spicy and pretty natural. And it also had the kushy effect, hitting hard but in a nice way with an intense head high.
Waking up early again the next morning I was keen as hell. There was another visit to Amsterdam on the agenda as well as the "long awaited" mushroom trip. As my mate is not really a proper chef I made ourselves some scrambled eggs with Bacon and we started the next day as you should. Some big spliffs, a nice breakfast and Albert Heijns infamous orange juice. With a few spliffs rolled we made our way to the train station and a quick 30mins later we were back where we belong. My mate just wanted to grab a seat somewhere but that is never an option for me in the dam. Google maps set we did the long walk to Mr K, one of my absolute favourites. Being there at just half past 10 the lady was alone in her shop and I kinda felt like we destroyed her morning rituals. Sorry for that, I just really love your place. We randomly opted for Golden Haze at some not too high price tag and made ourselves comfy in the upstairs area again being the only customers in the shop. The kind lady asked us if we were keen on some music and I told her to let it roll. She even asked what kind of music we wanted but I just told her to play whatever shes into and damn she didnt disappoint.
Listening to some glorious raggae sounds I rolled up the Golden Haze, took some bites off my Bacon Sandwich and started smoking that spliff.
What I didnt expect tho was the quite intense effect of it. We had been smoking around 6 or 7 joints for an estimated 3 hours then but that joint hit me so hard I was locked in the couch and drifted away a bit. That relaxing atmosphere was completely smashed tho as my mate started caughing and seriously sounded like he was going to die. Hang on, I got the joint in my hand, what is even happening? He somehow swallowed a piece of his sandwich the wrong way and kept dying for around 3 minutes. Unsure about whether to laugh at him or call and ambulance I chucked him the Ice tea and he found his way back to life. These problems matter.
Now as we got out our real intention was to get to the albert kujp market, pick up some waffles and walk to either katsu or ibiza. The stoners we are we walked for 3 minutes and grabbed a seat outside of the former dutch flowers coffeeshop. 420 Kush was bought but I wasn't too keen on it as my last few purchases at 420 coffeeshops were a bit of a disappointment including overpriced 420 Haze, Nevilles Haze and a terrible batch of blueberry. This 420 kush though was proving me wrong and I couldnt hesitate but roll another spliff before we left to smoke it on the way. Glorious.
We walked past Grey Area but had to keep it together so we actually made it to the market this time. As we walked through the lovely smell of fresh made stroop waffles I opted for one. If we had those here at home this could make for a serious addiction. Just as I finished it we found the real aim of this walk and got some unbelievable waffles with strawberrys and white chocolate. Good god, lets get outta here before I spend my entire money on these things.
Luckily as we walked away from the market we somehow stood right in front of katsu which led to a purchase of Strawberry Haze and a few spliffs outside as the weather was still heaps nice. While we were sitting there a man who might be Katsus Bouncer or owner or whatever was talking to some tourists opposite to us and told them about how things work in Amsterdam. At least what he believes them to work like, wasnt really getting many things he said as he wasnt making a point at all. Mostly just bragging about other coffeeshops and how theres barlely any good shop in town anymore. Whilst sitting there my mate got a bit greedy for the mushrooms so he really got us 20 gramms before arrived at voyagers. As it was tuesday there was only one thing I wanted to get and although the Testing tuesday had always been nice when I got it before this time it was a bit meh. The bag was full of sticks, taste was not the best and effect was just ok.
Getting through the Amsterdam Centraal struggle we realized that we had just missed the train, so right through the station to the river and test that TT strain. Disappointed by the smoke we got on the train, arrived in the appartement and quickly got our hands on the mushrooms. They were allright, made for some funny 2 1/2 hours and had no bad or frightening effects on them. But still, I think Im just done with that stuff and only have eyes for the lovely mary.
Now after 2 1/2 hours effects started to become less and we were ready for some more smoke. We rolled a joint, finished it. Rolled another joint, finished it. FIred up the bong - How is it possible that were not getting high at all? Bloody mushrooms. We also got pretty hungry so as it got dark and we started to feel normal - for the moment - we somehow made it to febo. I got some frikandel kind of thing out of the machine but that was not at all what I needed at that point. As the other boxes at febo were empty we looked at each other and realized we had to order something, eyes still black as hell. The place was packed as well so we got more and more confused in there, didnt know what to do and of course after we giggled a bit I started laughing pretty hard and had to get out of there. For the love of god, someone just get us some burgers and fries. We kept standing in front of febo for quite a bit but just had to deal with the fact that we were not able to speak to anyone working there. We even tried to get into albert heijn after that struggle but were 7 minutes late. Damn.
Accepting the monsters we were in this state we just walked over to la paz to find a really crowded shop with an intense and noisy atmosphere. The stash was coming to an end though so there was no escape, we had to get weed! Just opted for supreme Haze at 8€ and some more OG kush for 12, took the bags and got outta there as quickly as possible. When we finally made it to the appartement after our long search for food I did in fact just eat one frikandel, my mate had eaten nothing at all and except for weed we only got 2 cans of coke off a machine in the circus. How the hell did that happen, honestly. Give me that OG.
We had a few smokes, finally got high again and played some hilarious monopoly matches on the playstation. How did someone come up with the idea to make this a virtual game? "He must have been stoned, on mushrooms, or both" I thought before slowly falling asleep.
Waking up on what already was the last day I was happy about being sober after the retarded shroom trip. Took a shower to find the table full of weed bags. Empty weed bags. There was not that much left so we quickly got back into la paz. Got a fat nug of lemon haze and another one of buddha cheese, both were absolute bangers and deserve a 9/10. The lemon haze had the ultimate fruity taste, really nice and without any harshness on the throat. It also felt quite uplifting which I barely ever had off any strain.
To me weed is just relaxing and it doesnt really have any activating effects on me. Like Berner says in one of his songs - "Sativa makes me ancy - paranoid, chain smoking but I can't sleep" (how poetic aye) - whenever any of those hazes activated me in any way, it made me feel uncomfortable. Thats why I rather go for Kushes and other indicas because these strains have the effect I am looking for. Each to their own. In this case though, the Lemon Haze made for a series of billiard matches and a good 2 or 3 hours in the shop.
Getting out of there we went to the circus again, back to the appartement for some fifa matches, back to the circus, febo and albert heijn and finally we ended up at Yanks again.
The Budtender remembered us and I asked him if theres anything we didnt have on the weed side. There actually was a new strain called blueberry chocolope. Sounds nice, smells nice, looks nice, I'll have 2 gramms of that please. While sitting at the gambling table again I realize we did not do anything except for smoking, eating and gambling in whatever way today. The weather was pretty bad though so we didnt really miss out on antyhing. A few more fifa matches, NASCAR races at the circus and another fair bit of time that was spent on the gambling table at yanks later we were done and out for this time. Damn, how come the nice things in life always go by so quick? Not even the bit of Yanks merchandise helps when you have to leave the dam.
Waking up the next morning there was just a tiny bit of weed left, so my mate rolled up one last fat spliff and we farewelled in proper mannrer. Of course just when we carried the tv outside marianne walked into us and happily asked if we were checking out even earlier. We indeed did check out a bit early, just to drive back to germany and get our weedjars filled with what is one glorious 50g pack of White Widow each. Amsterdam you got things right again, am even thinking about going for may 1st again cause its a public holiday over here. Until then, my beloved city, I'm counting the days to come back into your open arms. Sometimes a few days in Mokum just do the job.
