You couldnt make it up

[Mint]

i found these story's in the papers recently... hillarious, you couldnt make it up

[Mint]

Genius lol...... Dumb Gameshow answers

Enjoy


FAMILY FORTUNES
MAX BYGRAVES: Name something people take to the beach
CONTESTANT: Turkey.
--
LES DENNIS: Name a topping you'd put on a baked potato?
CONTESTANT: Jam.
--
LES DENNIS: Where is the Taj Mahal?
CONTESTANT: Opposite the dental hospital.
--
LES DENNIS: Name a bird with a long neck?
CONTESTANT: Naomi Campbell.
--
LES DENNIS: Name something associated with pigs.
CONTESTANT: The police.
--
LES DENNIS: Name something red.
CONTESTANT: My cardigan.

THE WEAKEST LINK
ANNE ROBINSON: Name the man who was President of Italy until May 2006.
CONTESTANT: Don Corleone.
--
ANNE ROBINSON: Complete the title of the well-known play, The Iceman...?
CONTESTANT: Melts.
--
ANNE ROBINSON: What was the sequel to the movie I Know What You Did Last Summer?
CONTESTANT: I Know What You Did Last Winter.
--
ANNE ROBINSON: What B was a pseudonym used by Charles Dickens?
CONTESTANT: Bart Simpson.
--
ANNE ROBINSON: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison, or the Conservative Party?
CONTESTANT: The Conservative Party.

NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SET
EAMONN HOLMES: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
CONTESTANT: Basketball.
--
QUESTION: What is the world's largest continent?
CONTESTANT: The Pacific.
--
EAMONN HOLMES: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
CONTESTANT: William Shakespeare.

DOG EAT DOG
ULRIKA JONSSON: Who wrote Lord Of The Rings?
CONTESTANT: Enid Blyton.

THIS MORNING
FERN BRITTON: Which actress starred in Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally?
CONTESTANT: Tom Hanks.

BLOCKBUSTERS
BOB HOLNESS: What K is a suicide mission for a pilot?
CONTESTANT: Kama Sutra.

WOGAN'S PERFECT RECALL
TERRY WOGAN: Which Duke resides at Woburn Abbey?
CONTESTANT: Hazzard.

SARA COX SHOW, BBC RADIO 1
SARA COX: Beauty is in the eye of the...?
CONTESTANT: Tiger.

2CR FM
PRESENTER: Who painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?
CONTESTANT: Leonardo di Caprio.

HEART FM
PRESENTER: Emmental and Double Gloucester are both types of what?
CONTESTANT: Banks.

VIKING FM
PRESENTER: Who was the Prime Minister before Tony Blair?
CONTESTANT: George Bush.

SPIN STAR
DARREN DAY: What area of Germany is the cake named after, made with chocolate, cream, kirsch and cherries?
CONTESTANT: Belgium.

BBC RADIO MERSEYSIDE
PRESENTER: What was Hitler's first name?
CONTESTANT: Heil.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
JEREMY PAXMAN: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
CONTESTANT: Homosexuals.
JEREMY PAXMAN: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
JAMIE THEAKSTON: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
CONTESTANT: Geography isn't my strong point.
JAMIE THEAKSTON: There's a clue in the title.
CONTESTANT: Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK
STEWART WHITE: Who had a worldwide hit with 'What A Wonderful World'?
Contestant: I don't know.
STEWART WHITE: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
CONTESTANT: Arm.
STEWART WHITE: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
CONTESTANT: Strong.
STEWART WHITE: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
CONTESTANT: Louis.
STEWART WHITE: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song 'What A Wonderful World'?
CONTESTANT: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
ALEX TRELINSKI: What is the capital of Italy?
CONTESTANT: France.
TRELINSKI: France is another country. Try again.
CONTESTANT: Oh, um, Benidorm.
TRELINSKI: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
CONTESTANT: Sorry, I don't know.
TRELINSKI: Just guess a country then.
CONTESTANT: Paris.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
DJ MARK: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
CONTESTANT: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
BAMBER GASCOYNE: What was Gandhi's first name?
CONTESTANT: Goosey?

GWR FM (BRISTOL)
PRESENTER: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
CONTESTANT: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
PHIL: What's 11 squared?
CONTESTANT: I don't know.
PHIL: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
CONTESTANT: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
RICHARD: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
CONTESTANT: Forrest Gump.
--
RICHARD: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
CONTESTANT: Err...
RICHARD: He makes bread...
CONTESTANT: Err...
RICHARD: He makes cakes...
CONTESTANT: Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
PRESENTER: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
CONTESTANT: Barcelona.
PRESENTER: I was really after the name of a country.
CONTESTANT: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

ROCK FM (PRESTON)
PRESENTER: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
CONTESTANT: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
STEVE LE FEVRE: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
CONTESTANT: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
JAMES O'BRIEN: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
CONTESTANT: Err well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth... err... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
CHRIS SEARLE: In which European country is Mount Etna?
CALLER: Japan.
CHRIS SEARLE: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
CALLER: Err... Mexico?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
PAUL WAPPAT: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
DARYL DENHAM: In which country would you spend shekels?
CONTESTANT: Holland?
DARYL DENHAM: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
CONTESTANT: Iceland? Ireland ?
DARYL DENHAM: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
CONTESTANT: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
PHIL WOOD: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
CONTESTANT: Err...
PHIL WOOD: It's got two syllables... Kor...
CONTESTANT: Blimey?
PHIL WOOD: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run...
CONTESTANT: (Silence)
PHIL WOOD: Okay, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
CONTESTANT: Walked?

THE VAULT
MELANIE SYKES: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
CONTESTANT: Nostalgia.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
WRIGHT: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
CONTESTANT: Jesus.

[GroeneTomaten]

Absolutely brilliant. Definitely laughed out loud many times (you can't really use 'lol' anymore, it sort of just means internally chuckled now I think).

I was planning the old 'turn into a goat' trick for my next bank robbery - back to the drawing board.

[Smirks]

Who the fuck names their child Hitler??

[Mint]

Who the fuck names their child Hitler??

I know , crazy eh

I was planning the old 'turn into a goat' trick for my next bank robbery - back to the drawing board.

The Mazda 323 bit cracked me up

[Rusty Shackleford]

Who the fuck names their child Hitler??

[gromit]

the dog next door told me to do it,............

[Mint]

Nothing like getting in early

[Mint]

unbelievable ....