Okay peeps here we go next instalment, cheers again for the comments:
Here we go...
Saturday
The three of us manage to catch breakfast at the hotel today; this itself was an interesting experience. I was sitting in a daze looking out the window when a man walking his dog gives me a big wave and a smile, I also just smile and wave, I don’t think for one second that we know each and this may appear to be strange behaviour for two complete strangers to engage in, but I thought it was a nice start to the day.
I had a rather mediocre breakfast of frosties and toast, Mark had scrambled eggs with what looked like raw sausage
…afterwards he claims that perhaps he should have stuck to the cereal like me. Sarah meanwhile polished off cereal, croissant and a tray bake of some description. I thought this would be a good chance to persuade Mark once again of the pleasures of cannabis consumption, still no joy I’m afraid and I’m on the verge of waving the white flag with this task.
Anyway after brekkie we head to Bagheera another CS on my so-called list that was promptly scrapped due to the ‘issues’ of the past two days. It is here that I think I have found heaven, it is the first time I have seen chocolope on this trip. Now anything that resembles the word chocolate has to be a good thing! I order one gram and start to rummage in the fridge for drinks when I can hear, a bit of a heated discussion between Sarah and the budtender – lets just say he seemed a bit short tempered. There seemed to be some issue over the hash, by the time I got my ear fully tuned in it all appeared to be resolved. We all head out the back and settle down once again. I borrow yet another bong and I soon discover that I hit the jackpot as some poor punter left some perfectly good weed in there. Well I don’t like letting things go to waste, so I started with the scraps which weren’t too bad I have to say but I have no idea what it was. I found the chocolope really, really nice and pretty strong it has to be said. There was a grand enough atmosphere here, but bloody hell the music again was dreadful. Perhaps it is me, maybe I am getting old, but I prefer much mellower music when high, this bum, bum, doof, doof just does absolutely nothing for me. As I try to blank out the din coming from the speakers I notice that Mark and Sarah are gazing at the TV – thinking there must be something quite good on the box I turn around to see what it so interesting.
Wait for it...Hair TV…not exactly what I had expected but now I’m an expert on everything hair, hair removal, extensions, dye, hair boost, men’s hair, hair products…as you can imagine this made for a very interesting CS experience. We left soon after as the din was getting hard to stick and we wanted to keep moving. At this stage time is starting to fly past and we decide to abandon plans for lunch and just keep toking. Basjoe opened about 12.30 so I purchased another gram of orange bud and Sarah got some pre-rolled hash (from what I remember about last night, it wouldn’t be my favourite thing, but anyway, each to their own). I remembered to take a photo this time of the orange bud, so here it is:
We then all head to the Old Man where I purchase a nice new bong (without thinking about the practicalities of getting this squeezed into my full bag of hand luggage or even whether I would be allowed to take this home – more on this later) and we then begin to head to a smokers bar in the RLD. I should say that Saturday was really gorgeous in the Dam and the atmosphere was electric, this is another reason why I really love this city. There were pretty ornate organs all around Dam Sq and the Damrak (as already noted by Michman) and there was just a fab buzz all around. Here are some of the pics I took that day…
Once we reach the smokers bar (name forgotten, you will see why soon) we all realise that we have only about four hours to our flight. So I rummaged around in my bag and emptied the remainder of various contents into the grinder and got rolling. Time was getting short and I sure as hell wasn’t leaving anything behind me! We purchased more drinks and settled down to watch the All Blacks and the Wallabies. I finished a J and thought I really need to pee as I’ve drank so much this morning…
Okay, I will describe the smokers bar and if anyone knows its name please enlighten me and also inform me if you suffered the same consequences as I was about to. In this bar you go downstairs to a large pool table, if you go up a few stairs from ground level the smokers’ room is in at the back and it is here they show sport, mostly footie or rugby and they have a really large screen and data projector set up for viewing. They also have a killer spiral staircase…at the back of this room where you can reach the toilets, and you have to duck down while going into the them…by now I’m sure you’re able speculate about my pending doom
So here is what happened next. I slide off the chair pretty stoned it has to be said and begin to tackle the killer spiral staircase (it is steep and has no banister – yikes). I practically cling to the wall on the way down, pretty much like Spiderman would as there is no banister to hold onto and there is a sheer drop to the ground on my right hand side. I do (eventually) make it down very relieved and pleased with myself. I locate the correct bathroom today, keen not to make the mistakes of yesterday and note that I have to tackle a couple of steps to the toilet and do some weird kind of yoga manoeuvre with my head neck and body ducking down to enter the toilet. Leaving the bathroom is where it all went wrong. I forgot about my contortionist manoeuvre that I did while entering and firmly banged my head of what I believe to be a concrete beam while trying to exit. Frankly I hadn’t a bloody clue what just happened to me, I was truly dazed at this stage, with tears in my eyes, still rubbing my head ferociously in some vain attempt reduce the ache. I just about remembered about the two steps below me, which was lucky, and with great trepidation I approach the spiral staircase, after a few minutes I begin my ascent. I make it halfway up until the stairs start to twist and turn, then I suddenly freeze half way up the bloody stairs. I don’t know whether it is because I was stoned or had a knock to the head or a combination of both, but everything just seemed to move and spin, so I’m on the stairs stooped over like an old women unable to move, trying to think rationally. Knowing that I did have to make a move I decided the safest way was to go up on my hands and knees, a true high point in my life I don’t think. I crawl through the glass door at the top of the stairs pretty much like I had just emerged from an assault course at an army base to both Mark and Sarah laughing at me. I slide back onto the seat and swiftly light up my last J sit back and think I feel lucky to be alive…we stay here for another hour or so then hot foot it to Schiphol as our flight is due to leave in 90 minutes and we were cutting it a bit fine. By now I have a thumping headache, look completely bedraggled and I’m still very stoned…
We reach Schiphol and make our way through to passport control. Thankfully there isn’t much of a queue, Sarah goes first and I can hear that she is being asked lots of questions. I begin to feel the sweat break on my brow and start to babble to Mark, oh no he’s asking loads of questions…I’m not illegal, have a passport, but my thinking processes were completely gone by this stage in the day. So I proceed to the window smile, hand over the passport and ask the nice young passport control guy if he would stamp my passport, because I want an Amsterdam stamp. Ooopps
, he looks at me, leans over and says under his breath and I quote “
what is wrong with you?” I say nothing, but I would just like a stamp, he tells me they don’t stamp all the passports anymore, I say I know but I would still really like one. At this point I think that perhaps I should shut up, but just continue to smile and then he sighs and asks his partner for the stamp. Here it is folks, very proud of this: (I’m such a sad case)
The next obstacle is security. I try with no success to pack the bong into my bag, luckily Mark being a bloke has packed light so he takes it for me. The three of us pass through on our own. Sarah goes first with no issues, I’m second and neither my bag nor Mark’s bag comes out. I then think shit, the bloody bong, can I bring this home? Is there any weed left in my bag? As all these thoughts rush into my head. I’m aware that another security official is looking at the monitor and pointing at it. It’s at this stage I become really nervous and start shuffling my feet and taking immense interest in the floor pattern below me. In other words I start looking really fucking guilty – but alas they let me go without interrogation. With much relief I do have a rummage around my bag just in case, as I didn’t want any hassles with customs in Belfast. I’m still not sure what the ‘policy’ is on bongs and other ‘drug’ paraphernalia…but I got over that hurdle very, very relieved.
Next stop customs, at this point I should let you know that every other time I have arrived back on an Amsterdam flight, there has been an army of mean vicious looking customs officials. So already we discuss a plan for passing by them, do we look directly at them and say hello, do we play with our mobiles, do we drop our heads…as we approach the customs area I nearly dropped, there were NO customs officials, not a one, nada, okay so a part of me is relieved and the other part thinks maaaaannnn had I of known this…
At this point the troop split, Sarah drives home from the airport, Mark drops me home where he declares that he is still unwilling to partake in the green again. I still believe he will change his mind, I know him too well
My hubby meets me at the door, looks at me and says WTF happened to you, you’re a mess…(nice) followed by did you get past customs okay? I said yes, he says it’s a wonder you stink of cannabis
There is one, final, final brief piece tomorrow just to finish up, see you soon
I forgot to add at the end of my last post that I will upload the next chapter tomorrow. I didn't think it would take soooo long to write each one. 
