CHT 21ST-23RD JAN

[CHT]

Hi guys and girls this was my third trip to Amsterdam from Friday 21st to Sunday 23rd January. I'm now based in London after finishing university in Newcastle (although I'm originally from Ireland) and on my past two visits to Amsterdam used to have a reunion with friends I used to work with while on my travels, almost a sort of UN toke and talk reunion. This time however it was just me and my best friend Jonny from Newcastle. He intended to go travelling himself in December, but due to the snow missed his train connection for his flight to New York and had to postpone his travel plans until March. We both claim Amsterdam is our favourite city and were worried about the possible coffeeshop closures to tourists we decided we needed to get back over asap. Only the two of us could make it so we booked our trip two weeks before for a short 48 hour trip to the Amsterdam.

The following two weeks I was like an excited school child planning my itnerary day. We both decided one of us should plan out the Friday and the other Saturday so we could make the most out of our short stay (although this obviously didn't happen due to the fact we were both off our tits for the majority of the 48 hours).

I'm lucky enough to still have quite a lot of energy when smoking and keep drinking alcohol and partying into the night, but unfortunately Jonny, even though he smokes regularly with his work colleagues at a legal high shop, is some what of a light weight who after a couple of spliffs is almost a zombie and by 11pm wants bed. This had worried me but he's my best friend, and what more fun is there to mess with your best friend when he's falling asleep in a foreign city whilst on the strongest weed avaialble to man, for that reason I could not wait to hit Amsterdam and couldn't believe it had been a year since I'd been in the great city.

I awoke early at 6am on Friday morning to catch my easybus from Baker Street to Stansted Airport (great cheap way to get to the airport for people living in the city without a car). My flight was at 10.30 meaning I'd touch down in Amsterdam at around 1215local time, with Jonny arriving from Newcastle at 1200. I changed my euros at the cash desk almost feeling naughty telling the cashier I was heading to Amsterdam (I always feel like that for some reason) and headed to Wetherspoons for a pint of guinness and a bacon roll. At this point I came up with the great idea to ring around looking for an open spot for stand up comedy in Amsterdam (it's my profession in London) but I couldn't get hold of any contacts, this was a slice of luck in the end as I'm sure my set would not have been at it's best when all my reality was dissolving on Saturday due to mushrooms (but we will get to that later).

Flight was great, and passed through customs with a big smile on my face. I rang Jonny to find him at the Amstel bar in the airport with a pint ready for me. I could tell he was as excited as me, we downed the pints chatting about life as we hadn't seen eachother in 4 months and discussed what strains we'd like to try. Jumping on the train to Centraal is always one of my favourite moments of the journey, as I'm happy and bursting with child like excitement about being so close to the greatest city in the world! We make the short walk from centraal to our hostel meeting point near hunters, where we are greeted by the friendly owners who recognise us from before. The hostel itself is not the nicest, but they have a smoking room, 24 hour bar and nearly eveyrone that stays there are up for a party which I love about the place. We threw in our bags, bought papers, lighter, roach pad and some cigarettes for mixed joints and headed to my favourite chill out coffee shop route 66. Everything is 15euros and pre bagged there, I remember the amnesia haze being amazing there last time and bought a bag where Jonny bought a bag of white widow. Sitting down on of the the big sofas with a cup of tea on my right, rolling a joint on a tray and my best friend on my left it just reminded me why I loved this city so much. I sparked up and had a look around at the various people chatting, laughing, nodding there heads to music and was just really happy to be back. The amnesia haze was a lovely almost citrus smoke, with a really strong high almost hullacegenic. I felt my temples pulsing and within seconds me and Jonny were doing our favourite pasttime whilst stoned: talking and laughing about other times we got high!

After finishing the bag of amnesia haze and having one joint of white widow, which was actually quite nice but nothing on the amnesia haze we decided to stick to our itinerary and head to Hill Street Blues at about 1530. I had never been before and it was from the recommendations on this site I wanted to go. By this stage we were well on our way meaning I was a happy talkative high whilst jonny was almost zombified already. I told him to go and pick up 3g of hash from Hill Street Blues and I will order the toasties and drinks, he came back with a bag of hash and I asked what did he get. "Erm... I can't remember" bursting into laughter we decided from the look of it he decided he must of ordered Himalyan cream, and went to the smoking room to roll it with the white widow. Unfortunately HSB was really busy and it was taking quite a while to get served (which the girls were very apologetic about and were working the hardest) but eventually I got served, and in my paranoid state thinking no one was serving me and I had done something rude or wrong I bailed on ordering the toasties and just ordered drinks. I walked into the downstairs smoking room with the pool table to find Jonny devastated I forgot to order the toasties, but then confess to me he was feeling paranoid too thinking he'd stolen peoples seats, which he hadn't. The cocktail joints he rolled with the WW and cream had a really nice sweet taste, and the resulting affect was quite a heavy stone. I slumped back into my seat, listening to the loud music feeling it pulsate through my body, as me and jonny sat in silence. I looked around and seen that basically everyone else was the exact same, just smiling at their friends, chilling with a joint and some good tunes nodding their heads, all of us agreeing, without saying a word that this was a little piece of weird heaven on earth.

At 1630 we decied we needed to eat and just headed to a nearby kebab house, and sat down to a shwarma kebab which was absolutely beautiful in my munchie induced state. It was beer and weed time and to our itinerary we headed to hunters coffeeshop first to pick up some chocolope and super silver haze, then over to hunters vodka bar (where the very hot brunette bartender.. I think I fell in love with her over the trip although all I could say to her in my drug induced state was to blurt out the words HEINEKEN PITCHER.... PLEEASSSEEE. Smooth... as smooth as a homeless mans beard. We knocked back two pitchers and started on a pure spliff of chocolope which I had never tried before. It is now my favourite strain, it was a lovely big bud, covered in crystals and the taste, smooth smoke and the talkative giddy high was everything I have looked for and wanted in a satvia. Jonny came back to life a bit and we talked and laughed about other times we got high, for examply an hour ago whenever I was too paranoid to order toasties at HSB and Jonny confessed he loved HSB but was scared to go back as he though a dreadlocked man was staring at him which made him paranoid (I'm 95% sure there was no dreadlock man in HSB which made this story even better). At around 7pm Jonny decided he wanted to go and look at "the sites" around the RDL so we went for a dander around the alleyways laughing like schoolboys at girls winking at us. After this we headed back to the hostel for a quick freshen up, and started on the SSH in the hostel smoking room. It wasn't as nice a smoke as the chocolope unfortunately, but apart from the harsh taste the high was a nice floaty happy head high. It was the first time I had bought from Hunter's and I was worried hearing about the angry spanish bud tender reports on the forum, but the gentleman I got, a tall guy with glasses (I think and a shaved head, although this could be totally wrong) was really helpful, didn't try and upsell me and was probably the nicest bud tender of the trip.

We decided it was time to treat ourselves to a steak, and wondered what felt like for a half hour stoned and laughing around Amsterdam, eventually finding an Argentinian steak house. Wow. Apart from being too high to understand the door was a pull and not a push, the restraunt was amazing. The service was great, and the 400gram rib eye steak with pepper sauce and fries is actually giving me wood just thinking about it. We stuck to the itinerary and headed to a great shisha bar called Green Light Restraunt after making a quick fly and by at route 66 for amnesia haze and ak47 and baba for a space brownie for dessert. Green Light is my favourite chill out place in Amsterdam, with really cool decor which makes you trip, funky music and lovely cold heinekens. We sat ourselves down in one of the smoking rooms beside 3 american girls and 3 local amsterdam boys and ordered a grape shisha with almost a whole bag of ak47 in it. The shisha was beatufiul but it absolutely blew me away. Some how I ended up talking to the dutch guys and american girls about random shit not really making sense, while Jonny sat beside me with a chill out grin on my face attempting to roll a joint (unfortunately jonny is a great roller when sober, but after a few beers and in this case a lot of weed, I reckon Stevie Wonder could roll better than he could). Unluckily for him one of the American girls asked him to roll them a pure joint as they couldn't roll. The girls were hot and for this reason he didn't want to let them down and look "uncool" by asking me or the dutch guys to do it, but with the beers, ak47 shisha and added pressure of rolling a joint for a hot american girl, Jonny fell to pieces. The next ten minutes consisted of three failed attempts to roll whilst me and the Dutch guys were in tears laughing at poor Jonny. Eventually he admitted defeat and asked the dutch guy to roll for it for them which he duely abliged, and rolled a perfect spliff in literally seconds. I was envious at his rolling skills.

After around an hour in green light, a packed out shishsa, 3 heinekens and more amnesia joints I was feeling a little worse for wear and had become quiet myself, just smiling and grinning like a pikey with a brain injury. I had to refuse some of the shisha at one point, and fair play to Jonny he kept on trucking and started becoming talkative to everyone while I just sat there trying to hold it all together and not pass out. It was at this stage one of the Dutch guys (who were absolute legends by the way, and really friendly which I find with almost all Dutch people) said do you want to try something special? Worried that he was going to maybe take me into the toilets and have his way with me while I was in this fragile state I asked what do you mean? He pulled out a bag and had one of my favourite conversations of the trip with Jonny (who for someone who works in a legal high shop is not very well educated on strains of weed and hash)
Dutch Guy: "Do you know what this is?" showing Jonny the bag
Jonny: "Yes"
Dutch Guy: "It's icesolator hash have you heard of it"
Jonny: "Yes"
Dutch Guy: "Have you tried it do you like it?"
Jonny: "Yes"
Dutch Guy: "What is it then?" realising Jonny was so wrecked and had no idea what was going on
Jonny: "I don't know"
This ended up in more laughter from me the dutch guys and the american girls at poor Jonnys expense but he always laughs a long as well. The state I was in I really shouldn't have tried the icesolator knowing it may end in my death, but the dutch guy was being so hospitable with this expensive beautiful goods and said it was his own private supply it would have been very rude of me to say no. Let's just say I can't remember the rest of the night too well, all I remember is laughing loads and staggering around Amsterdam with the Dutch guys, American girls and Jonny (still fancying the american girls yet still paranoid the dutch guys who were clearly not gay and really friendly had some plan to rape and mug us). We headed into high times, amnesia and finally back to Hunters Vodka Bar where the american girls and dutch guys left us around midnight and I tried my old chat up line on the hot barmaid that failed again "heineken pitcher please". I wish I could tell you what I bought in the other coffee shops but I honestly can't remember, we put in a kitty of money and the dutch guys made the decisions whilst we smoked from bongs, spliffs, pipes and volcanoes. It was one of the best nights of my life and Jonnys, and we finished it back at the kebab house with a greasy kebab around 2am. The first night always seems to be the best night in Amsterdam and not wanting it to end we finished the last of what we had on us in the hostel smoking room, where me and Jonny had a massive conversation about maybe sleeping with a hooker (which I'm sure the Irish girls behind us were not impressed about), they didn't know that the state we were in and probably even in a sober state we would never be able to do it due to turning into giddy 13 year olds as soon as we head into the district.

I think we hit the sack around 3am and woke around 10am actually feeling quite fresh after a wake and bake with a cool israeli guy we met in the smoking room who was smoking La confidential from paradox. It was a nice way to start the day... a day that will prove to be just as eventful as the previous.

On our two previous trips to Amsterdam we all dedicated an afternoon to mushrooms, where we'd go to Vondelpark and trip and have a laugh. Unfortunately my body doesn't react well to mushrooms, my last trip made me think the world was falling apart and I was jesus in vondelpark having to save everyone. Jonny at the best of times on weed is not a guy you want as a responsible adult, so I was feeling a bit nervous about today. We headed for an irish breakfast at barneys and a toke and talk about the days plans. The breakfast was beautiful (expensive but at the end of the day we are on holiday and here to enjoy ourselves so shouldn't worry about expense too much) and Jonny had found a bag of the cup winning tangerine dream. Which was again expensive, but the taste and high although not probably worth the expensive price tag was really good. Jonny knows a friend who works in Conscious dreams and headed in there, whilst I said I was going to go and get my camera and gave him money for the mushrooms. I met jonny outside the hostel with him giggling, he said "do you know the way when something crazy happens you always remember an anecdote from before the craziness?" he reminded me of the time I was ill and took a load of night nurse before a night out, with our friend warning me "you can't drink on night nurse mate you will be a mess" and I told him I would be fine. Well the night ended up in me throwing up over a girl I was seeing at the time just after kissing her, I had been drinking red aftershock and "red diesel" all night, meaning the sick over my white shirt was a bright red which made it look like I'd been stabbed. Stumbling through the nightclub and collapsing meant people actually thought I had been stabbed and called the bouncers over who were about to radio in to close the club down before realising I was a drunken Irish cock who had too much night nurse.

Well Jonny believed this anecdote would be what we remember from Saturday 22nd January mushrooms trip, and he was right: The friendly tender at the smartshop was instructing him for us only to eat 10g of the 15g strongest truffles available for a nice strong trip. Just as he was walking out the door he shouted "Oh and remember to eat them only on an empty stomach" Jonny: "Why?" "Have you eaten" "erm Maybe" "Well eat much, much less". At this point I was a bit worried as we were both stuffed from a full irish breakfast and was remembering my Jesus style trip last year. We started to eat the truffles and decided it was disgusting, so made the great idea to ignore the professionals advice and eat the whole 15g with a chocolate waffle... yes it defies logic doesn't it, but that's what you get when you have two young irish and geordie guys in the world biggest playground city.

Jonny wanted to go to vondelpark like before, so we made the 15 minute walk to centraal station to jump on a tram, aware there was a ticking time bomb in our stomachs. Unfortunately we got paranoid that we didn't have tickets and we didn't have a clue where to buy them. We went to information and they said "outside and left". We went outside and left only to find a quarry site. We had been walking around for an hour looking for tickets and had started to trip quite badly, where we came up with the idea we should just rent bikes and follow the number 5 tram to vondelpark (thank god we eventually decided against this idea). Realising we were starting to lose grip of reality we quickly walked to the near by green light, ordered two heinekens, and a amnesia haze shisha. Oh, I forgot to mention earlier on the day we had bought a massive cone and filled it with 2 bags of amnesia haze and a bag of chocolope. We lit up the cone and set to work on the shisha. The next 3 to 4 hours from 1pm to 5pm I had no grip on reality what so ever and neither did Jonny. It felt like we were in a zoo enclosure and people were walking past staring and laughing at us through the window at greenlight, which is true as we were absolutely monged out of our minds. We tried to have proper conversations but instead just broke into laughing fits.. the most important thing in our life had become how well transactions went. When we went to order heinkens from the bar as long as we kept it all together and didn't start laughing or crying it was considered a good transaction. Unfortunately I had a bad transaction where I went to order two heinekens and the friendly bar man tried to have a conversation with me about my tshirt, nice t shirt what make is it? "Its... erm... itttsss... well... I'm sorry. I'm absolutely off my tits and I'm just trying to stop myself from crying here" the bartender thought this was hilarious and made me break into a crazy laugh which did not stop for literally 20 minutes. I lied to Jonny and told him "I did good" the transaction went well.

Time seemed to fly by and myself and Jonny were genuinely worried we were now mentally harmed and could not fulfil simple tasks. If we couldn't get on a tram and can barely order beers how are we going to make it to the airport? Even thogh are flights weren't until 10.30am the next day Jonny was getitng really worried we were going to miss our flights. Remembering this is what happened to me last year I managed to calm us both down and we started laughing about how monged we were and how amazing amsterdam, weed and mushrooms were.

Both Newcastle fans we headed to an Irish bar to watch the Newcastle match. Unfortunately for me there was about 3 other matches on, i didn't recognise any of the players and none of it felt real. I was really struggling to keep it together drinking my guinness, and was getting very paranoid that this was all some sort of reality game show set up against me and everyone was laughing at me. Luckily we made it through the match which I had no idea what the score was until I checked it the next day sober. We went for a walk which was a bad idea, as the 3 bulldogs on the one street made me think that I was stuck in a de ja vu world and would never leave it. In my head i was falling apart and late Jonny confessed so was he but thankfully on the outside we werekeeping it together. We headed into one of the bulldogs for a beer and then to another couple of bars watching the man city match, gradually becoming more sober before deciding to head to the hostel to freshen up. By this stage we were just drunk and back in control with our lives, and decided to celebrate returning to reality by heading to hunters coffeeshop for chocolope (excellent again) and make a failed attempt at talking to the hot cool barmaid "pitcher of heineken please".

Munchies hit again so after a freshen up at the hostel and laughing at someone else losing their mind on mushrooms in the hostel smoking room we hit mcdonalds for food and then went back to amnesia for some volcanoes. I really wanted to try out basjoes for terminator and head to katsu as someone had told me they were stocking butter, but it just didn't happen. Both of us were running quite low on cash and decided to say our goodbyes to our favourite places route 66 and green light (where the staff were laughing at how bad we were earlier on, it's a great place please check it out next time you're in amsterdam). We grabbed a few more pitchers in hunters as it was beside the hostel and were in bed by midnight.

Another excellent trip was over, it wasn't as eventful as my longer stays but the 48 hours there were pretty crazy and I loved every second of it. We finished the remainder of the amnesia haze at 8am outside the airport, and as me and Jonny were at seperate departure areas made us freak out a little bit about going through to the departure lounge. I sat down read my book a little bit to regain my composure haha and proceeded through where we celebrated with a mcdonalds.

On the plane home I laughed about the trip and I had an amazing time, although I was disappointed I didn't get to go to more coffeeshops and try out more strains, but to be honest it was worth it for the night we had on the first night with the dutch guys and american girls. It's the best thing about the dam, we had never met before and were three different groups from three totally different backgrounds yet we all got along so well and had a great night.

As I landed back in London, I just hoped this wouldn't be my last trip there. I love the city but there is no point in me heading back if the coffeeshops aren't open to tourists. I won't be able to afford to go back until probably May but more likely September with work commitments with comedy and lack of money. Let's just all live in hope that the laws don't get enforced.

Peace and love and a big thank you to everyone on the forum who have educated me on the best places to head to whilst in Amsterdam. For my next trip I'm determined to go to basjoes, try out butter and have a burger from burger bar!

[Balou]

Thanks for the report, perfect read while waiting on my now canceled flight.

Peace,
Balou

[CHT]

Thanks mate, really sorry to hear about your flight though. I hope you get something else rearranged asap.

[Balou]

It was a business trip so I think I'll manage

Peace,
Balou

[StonedSince67]

Hi guys and girls this was my third trip to Amsterdam from Friday 21st to Sunday 23rd January ... Peace and love and a big thank you to everyone on the forum

what a story ... this was a great read, lots of detail, conversation, what was happening, what was going on in your head, what was going on in your friend's head, all of it ... it was all great ...

thanks for doing all the writing ... it was a real treat

[CHT]

No problem stoned since 67, really appreciate it mate. Loved every second of it and need to head back soon. I hope your next trip isn't too far away either!

[spidergawd]

Thanks a lot mate, thoroughly enjoyable. 5*****.

[Crapulinski]

.

[joossy]

A great report, you had me in stitches! It sounds like you two are a right laugh. Johnny sounds like one of my mates, gets completely wasted unable to do anything useful but hangs in there with a smile on his face! Im going to check out green light on my trip in a couple of weeks,can you sit down in there with a beer and smoke weed through the shisha?

[Dave near London]

Outstanding report - one to savour and re-visit , your mate is a great character. Well written too - A+ from any English teacher .......

[ftcarer]

Excellent read Jonny " I don't know " f'ing brilliant

[pengaldinho]

Great read, thanks.

[djreign]

Absolutely first class. Perfect read and beyond incredibly funny.

Thanks mate

[sheppyg1903]

Smashing read , i can imagine the laugher and nerves about going up to the bar for a transaction .It totally freaks me out big time.!!!

ahahahaha

[chrismonsta]

Classic. Top read mate!! Loved every word of it. So funny & so familiar. Is crazy some of the situations you get into in A'dam. I'm off in April & it can't come soon enough. Take it easy dude!!