The Euphoria Chronicles II : Jamaica - no worries mon!

[2rollingstoned]

I've been working on photos and gathering my thoughts to start writing my trip report.

Jamaica: Paradise. No other word for it. Beautiful people, incredible food, miles of pristine white powder soft beaches, very tasty hash and nice strains of weed.

Besides Amsterdam, my favorite place I've ever been.

It is truly NO WORRIES MON!

Pics and stories soon to come...

1 Luv!

[geekymonkey]

Yay!!! Can't wait to hear about it.

[BigDanHaze]

Looking forward to this log. I am also going back to Jamaica Mon! this June. I have been twice before but it's been a few years. Make sure and let us know how and where you score the best herbs.

[2rollingstoned]

I can totally recommend everything for Negril only thats the only area we were but so much to do and see there. Oh so beautiful. Incredible great bowls of hash and fat huge joints of sticky ass skunk and a few other strains that were really incredibly pleasant.

I can "suggest" where the best fruit stand/jewelry and tasty things can be found...

I already want to go back. Most peaceful, laid back beautiful place in the world... gorgeous.

Stayed at a great place too for 2 people $155 US dollars a day and it included breakfast each morning and a huge bedroom and bathroom that was like a small apartment! Very clean, all tile porch, room, with wicker furniture and a swing on each porch. Paradise I tell ya

If you have a chance....go. Wonderful place.

[BigDanHaze]

Nice we are also staying in Negril again. Yup they had nice fruit when we were there too and the beaches where great.
No hash when I was there last in 2004

[2rollingstoned]

I can help you bunches Dan... perfect place to go find everything you be needin mon...

Now I have to do a little photo editing and uploading!

[Rusty Shackleford]

Looking forward to this, looking at here for my honeymoon

[RvanSteensel]

i seriously wanna go to Negril badly.

[2rollingstoned]

The Euphoria Chronicles II – Jamaica no worries Mon!

Day 1

As always I drop the three fur kids (AKA dogs) off at my brother’s house, we leave our car with a friend and she drives us to a hotel near the airport where we fly out at 6:30am the next morning. I had rolled 6 fat joints for me and my man rolled about the same for himself: so all this time we are smoking our brains out on some good west coast medicinal grateful dead OG Kush. I was overly excited and couldn’t sleep a wink. I actually lay down and slept one hour then was up at 3 am packed, and ready for our 4:15 am taxi to the airport. We smoked two joints each the next morning soon as our feet hit the floor at 3 am and were stoned most of the day on our journey.
We start to check in our luggage and the dude says I am 2 pounds over so he marks it heavy but doesn’t charge me extra yet basically demands we “take care of him with a tip”. So it’s either $10 bucks tip or $125 too heavy fee. Before I would have done that, I would have thrown away some shampoo and what not and took away the extra two lbs. But it was worth ten bucks to not try to repack that shit once again for the 10th time. We fly to the connecting airport in Atlanta which is pleasantly a short flight less than an hour. We have a little bit of a layover before we fly out for Negril, Jamaica AKA PARADISE!!

After two good flights, counting total time in both airports we were landing in Jamaica about 5.5 hours. Not bad. Hello Sangster International Airport in Montego Bay, Jamaica! You land on a strip right along the water and as you land it is like you are landing on the water almost. You then see the most beautiful water you’ve ever seen in your life!! It seems you walk for frigging EVER thru the airport and then you face immigration and customs. Plan on spending an hour minimum standing in line for this long and drawn out situation and there is no speedy way around it. Stand there and wait in line. We were given immigration/custom forms to fill out on the plane which we did. Once you get thru these incredibly long ass lines you show them your passport, tell them why you are there (vacation) they will tear off a small section on the bottom of the customs form and you save that with your passport. You will need it when you fly back out!!! Save the paper with your essentials!

Now Jamaica is beautiful, but it is a place to be very cautious all the time. You are in a country of some very real poverty and the desperation and begging can take on a feverish pitch. You also should arrange for your ride from the airport ahead of time. Our airline had taxi/tour offerings on the bottom of our boarding passes so I contacted one called “Holiday Tours” I think the name is, and it was approximately around $50 US dollars for round trip for 2 people. This means they drove us an hour from the airport to our hotel in Negril and we called them 24 hours in advance the day before leaving and they picked us up and took us back to the airport when we checked out and left. So a nice fellow packs our luggage into the back of his van which smells like cherry incense or something nice. We get in the back seat and in front of us in the middle seat: an American lady and her Aussie man who seems to be a smart ass. He tries to engage us into conversation because I mention we are riding on the wrong side of the road. I am an American; to me this is the wrong side. To Jamaicans it’s the right side. My dude mentions he has a hard time understanding some of the Jamaicans with a very heavy accent so I reply its ok I can translate pretty well. I mean I can understand most of what Gapie says in Amsterdam and he talks so super fast my brain can barely keep up right? Haha…
So this smart ass Aussie says we are implying the Jamaicans should speak better English and it’s us that drive on the wrong side of the road. I laugh right in his face but give him eyes that say “fuck off you shit starting turd”. He turns back around and doesn’t say much else to us. Some people just troll to start shit and in Jamaica it’s so laid back that’s the last thing on your mind is being upset or arguing. They let old smart ass and his lady friend out at their resort and we head on down the road to our place.

As we drive thru I notice lots of Kentucky Fried Chicken places and Texaco seems to be their most popular gas station. We loop thru Montego Bay and then the fun begins. First off they drive on the opposite side of the road like the Brits. But that isn’t the bad part; it is the way people speed like crazy. They will pass you with a car coming in their lane and they barely scoot in front of you before hitting people head on. I never saw such shit in my life. After an hour of this I was clinging to my man’s hand, occasionally moaning, “Oh shit” and hoping I don’t piss my pants cause they drive scary as hell. I cannot tell you this enough – I cannot stress how freaking scared I was just riding in a van. Our driver was very reasonable driving, it was the crazy asses passing us and nearly causing wrecks that flipped me out. The motorcycle dudes are the worst. They go by so fast they are barely a blur and not wearing a helmet. Everywhere are signs warning to slow down, don’t speed, save lives, and they drive like wild animals. Somewhere along the line old smart ass Aussie tries starting his shit but we basically ignore the dumbass. This is where I gave him the mean eyes and he turned around and wasn’t so chatty

We drive thru little shanty style towns that are basically shacks, with all kinds of fruit stands, crafts, jewelry, clothes, Bob Marley ANYTHING you can think of (shirts, glasses, hats, towels, Bob is everywhere). Lots and lots of school children walk along the roads wearing school uniforms reminding me of Catholic school kids. Big smoker grills (black barrel style) smoking jerk seasoned pork, chicken and goat everywhere. And all along the way maniacs, everywhere driving like a bat out of hell. This was the only stressful part to me of the whole trip. I just do not like crazy drivers or people that don’t care what they do to others on the road. I was seriously wishing I had an adult diaper on a few times because I could have so pissed my pants more than once! I also notice there are goats tied to ropes all along the sides of the road the whole journey. They keep the roadways mowed/chewed away very nicely! There are skeletal remains of houses everywhere destroyed by hurricanes. Big Spanish style mansions completely scoured down to concrete or stucco bare bones skeleton of somebody’s former home. They are like ghostly skeletons along the road. Most homes are just literally small shacks thrown together made from scraps of tin and wood. This is also a lot of the businesses along the way, bars, beer and jerk seasoned meats, all in a small shack along the road with the ocean in the background the whole way. This is the most beautiful water I’ve seen in my life. Unreal emerald greens and turquoise waves of beauty. We snap pics along the way so some of them seem a blur because they are action shots all the way. There is no way I would rent a vehicle and drive here for anything. Again, book your ride before you go with a reputable company, there may be offers thru your airline at a decent price and you know they are reliable. Do NOT just go get in any taxi anytime you are there. Most do not have a license, they are like rogue cabs and they will take you somewhere, rob you and much worse. Book your ride from the airport then your resort will have dudes who stay at the resort round the clock to drive you anywhere you want to go and they are very kind and mannerly. Some resorts offer a ride from and to the airport so ask if that’s included or offered where you stay. Taxi and tour will be the most of your expense they are not very cheap but it is worth it to be safe. There are guys round the clock to take you where you want to go. Later in the story I will tell you how honest one of them was. I recommend Clive a driver from the Negril Treehouse resort. He is SUPER HONEST!

Anyway… we arrive….

For the record, don’t go to Jamaica expecting a lot of fanciness in where you stay unless you pay top dollar for the expensive resorts. These all vary, from three meals and snacks plus alcohol included prices, to smaller resorts with plain white wicker furniture that is just clean and simple. We didn’t want meals included other than breakfast nor alcohol as we don’t drink a lot and we wanted to eat somewhere different daily. So we didn’t want to go with the “cruise ship” type resort that offers all the meals, booze, etc.

Our hotel was the Negril Tree house Resort. For us it was 5 stars, meaning perfect. We had prepaid before we went so all we had to do was present a voucher showing this. It is $155 a day for two people, includes breakfast with eggs and waffles made to order, fresh fruits, juice, water, coffee, tea various meat dishes daily and strange dough balls that are somewhat like a roll/biscuit. You eat breakfast every morning on a balcony upstairs overlooking the ocean. Free wifi if you sit in the very large open air lobby and for $3 US dollars you can purchase a wifi card with scratch off code like a lottery ticket that lasts 24 hours so you can have WIFI in your room. We are led from the lobby by a nice gentleman named Jeremy (who smelled great btw, nice cologne) and he took us down a few private paths with beautiful plants everywhere like amaryllis and hibiscus, everything is well tended and clean. The yards and landscape plus the beach front are raked by hand every day. It is kept pristine and beautiful all the time. We step back to room number 47 with a nice private fenced yard, a wicker table and chairs and a rope swing on the front porch. Tiled porch and we step inside and it is tile throughout the huge bedroom and bathroom with a very nice tub for soaking tired bones at the end of the day. It is all immaculately clean, fresh flowers on the dresser and bed, big huge closet you walk thru to go to very large bathroom. Jeremy closed the wooden slat blinds which are the only thing over screened windows. Closed the curtains and it became this nice dark bat cave where we stayed stoned round the clock. He went and filled our ice bucket and was super helpful and nice. There are no glass windows. It is screen windows with inside wooden slats that flip up and down blinds for privacy and an air conditioner that will crank up and freeze your ass out of there. We cranked it up till you could hang meat in there lol…. remember this during sexy times too, loud moans can be heard off and on every day and night because there are no windows HAHA!

We were up at 3 am, ate a small breakfast in the first airport, and had two cookies with some ginger ale on the plane to Montego Bay all day. By the time we arrived after that crazy ass hour drive from the airport, we saw our room was nice and liked our surroundings, we realized we were starved to death. You could walk from our room to the beach front at 7 mile beach in less than a minute. Everyday lunch is served by the superstar jerk smoker chef who daily serves jerk seasoned pork, chicken, and bbq chicken, salad with thousand island dressing (that is all you will find here practically for dressing besides a vinaigrette that is good some places and just ok at others) and rice and peas. It is like white rice with pinto beans in it. Not like good old spicy red beans and rice – no, no, this is bland peas and rice with every damned thing. I don’t even like rice in big piles! Just a spoonful is plenty for me and it had zero seasoning in it. So expect rice and peas with every friggin thing!! So we scarfed down some Jamaican jerk chicken, salad with Thousand Island dressing and rice and peas. We were so starved by then even the bland ass rice and peas were good! All the while we sat at the chef jerk-shack bar looking at the most gorgeous water. The entire time the lunch chef will tell you repeatedly that you are a super star! He will try to entice you to eat lunch with him every day! He has a great accent. We sat there just amazed by the water and so grateful for some lunch!!

With our guts sufficiently filled, we start to stroll down the beach in search of weed. We’ve not been stoned since early morning and after that piss your pants inducing got dayum ride to the hotel, I needed a fatty boom batty joint my friends…

I believe in right to privacy. I also have to reiterate this: marijuana is not legal at all in Jamaica. It can get you arrested or at the very least fined. Do not go with just anyone for your purchases. You will be approached many, many times by all sorts of folks. Tell them no thank you mon. Be mannerly, and they will drift away and usually say no problem mon, welcome to Jamaica and happily stroll on down the beach. They really do sell sea shells by the sea shore (say that fast three times stoned). They sell everything, art on canvas, fruit, cotton candy, lobsters, everything you can think of walking down the beach. I happen to love jewelry and fresh fruit and vegetables.

About three buildings down from our hotel is Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Negril on the left. Just a little ways down past Jimmy’s on the left is a great jewelry lady named Donette, and her mother takes great pride in her luscious fresh fruit and vegetables. She keeps her hands clean, her utensils clean; she gets up early and goes to the market for the freshest fruits & veggies. She takes pride in her little fresh produce stand and her name is Marcella (I Think, I am bad with names but it is something like this). Go here for your fresh fruit. Do not buy it already cut up from dudes wandering down the beach. You have no idea the conditions where it was cut up, how old it is, how much bacteria is lurking in those bags to make you sick. I love pineapple, so she cut up pineapple for me every few days and put it in a bag as well as honey bananas, fresh papaya and mango. She had these odd looking apple sized things and I asked what they were. She said they are the Jamaican national fruit called Ackee. It is red and yellow with these odd black olive looking things on them. They are considered a fruit yet they are savory. Looks like scrambled eggs after cooked with about the same texture. If you are from the US – when it is cooked it tastes exactly like yellow squash and onions cooked together. And they add salt fish to the mix and its kinda fishy squash with onions! I liked it, but preferred it without the fish.

Donette, her daughter makes beautiful jewelry, she made me this awesome beaded toe /ankle type bracelet with some pale blue stones and amethyst, purple being my favorite color. I also bought a necklace with every color stone you can think of, I love hippy style beads. This is amethyst, jade, and a variety of beautiful stones. She has her jewelry laid out in front of her mom’s fruit stand. These ladies are HELPFUL! While you are there – ask them for my friend the farmer. This is the best fruit stand, beautiful jewelry and nice people who are so friendly with lots of hospitality. This is your ONE STOP SHOP. Tell them the blonde American lady and her birthday man sent you. They will remember us. And you will be glad you stopped here

We wander on down the beach for maybe an hour, taking pics watching the sun getting ready to set. We walk back by Jimmy Buffets and I get a banana margarita. We begin to wander back down the beach to our room as we are starting to feel jet lag a little bit. The time difference is only one hour ahead so it isn’t too hard to get used to. At the Tree house resort there is a wonderful gift shop on the left end of the building and a church on the right end of the building. In the gift shop is grinders, papers, screens, pipes, bongs, all the basic essentials. And you can go to church every Sunday on the other end of the very same building! Buy a bong then walk next door on Sunday and praise the lord for his great gifts! I invested in long Bob Marley papers, a small dark wooden grinder, some screens for the wooden hash pipe we picked up along the way earlier. This gift shop also has great prices for take home souvenirs, 5 t-shirts for $20 dollars, 99 cent shot glasses, good prices on magnets and all that groovy shit you take home to the friends and loved ones! They have great dresses, bikinis; we also bought our water there all week, drinks, snacks, that kind of stuff. But the water seems perfectly safe to drink from the tap there, not like being in Mexico where you are terrified of the water. No ill effects the whole time we were there but we would buy giant bottles of cold water to keep in our room with the ice bucket for all the cotton mouth after smoking.
Along our beach journey we lucked up and found some nice treats. As you will see in the photos, we scored some sticky buds (we called it super skunk) and a big chunk of some very sticky, fragrant, dark, kind of stiff hash with the texture of taffy candy (till you heat it up with a lighter) that has a wonderful flavor. $60 US dollars for at least an ounce of buds and $40 for the big chunk of hash about the size of a walnut. We negotiated and bargained. What we bought was well worth it. We could waste time dickering about price or we could take our happy asses back to the room with our nice purchases and get fucked up. What do you think we chose? What I learned is this. Trade with the same private person I can suggest to you, and take a certain amount of cash with you. Such as say $60 dollars and this is all you plan to spend that day on recreational weed. So you go to Rasta man and say this is what I have, show me what you can offer me in hash and weed for this price. If you dont have anymore money on you they will usually take what they can get and you get far more weed and hash for the money here than you do anywhere else.

We were both high as shit house rats in a few mins and a few hits of the hash pipe. Then the long Bob Marley joints were great as we both like a good skunk bud. I advise to smoke in your room. Nobody will bother you or say a word. At times you will see people wandering, smoking along the beach and a few would light up at restaurants we were at. But there are a lot of kids and families and I am a respectable stoner. I don’t light up around the kiddies on the beach but did wander over with my rasta friend and discreetly hit some of the weed before buying discreetly behind some trees. You will see random cops wander the beach but they are few. It’s mostly security dudes at each resort at each place along 7 mile beach.
I always carry a tin can with a lid on my trips abroad. I always put breakables inside it while in the suitcase, perfume and so forth. Once I arrive it becomes my tool kit while I am gone, it holds papers, screens, grinder, weed, nail scissors, and I use the lid for a tray. So we get all stoned and wander back out to the beach and take sunset pics.
Now would be a good time to discuss the vendors/beggars along the beach. They sell everything you can think of. I was offered all kinds of weed, lines of blow, magic shrooms, and hash. Again don’t buy from just anyone. I have offered guidance in this direction and always mostly deal with the Rasta man. He will usually be in Jamaica flag colors, green/gold colors, long braids, peaceable demeanor. I found my main man and I visited him all week. Only once did I vary from this and was sorry I did. I will go into this later on. If you are going to Jamaica soon, message me I will be more informative
I also need to explain that each resort has security that constantly walks their part of the beach at the resort to run away the seller/beggars. They can walk down the beach front where the waves wash up but they are basically ran away by security if they come up to the property where the bar, or beach chairs are. This security guy will be a blessing and a curse. You cannot sit at your beach front at nite getting stoned; you cannot go out to the beach and maybe knock you off a little piece of ass in the waves, because security guy is there round the clock. It’s his job, they have to keep the strays away but it also inhibits your experience quite a bit. A few times we went down there at nite only to have him basically stand right beside us. For hours! Texting on his phone, walking around with a stick in his hand to show the seller/vendor folks he means business. I know it’s his job but it’s a drag all the same. I was in the land of romance and beautiful water. No banging body parts on the beach here. Sigh. So much for beach fantasy nookie thoughts, that shit ain’t goin down here.

We go back to the room; shower and dress for dinner of course after a bowl of hash and some Marley skunk joints. We walk down to the beach front bar which at nite has white table cloths, dinner place settings, candles and the ocean practically touching your toes sitting at the table. Such a beautiful place to watch the sunset and look at the water while you have dinner! I ordered a shrimp and conch seafood cocktail salad appetizer, and braised slow cooked oxtail (think slow cooked pot roast with gravy). My dude ordered crab cakes with tartar sauce and tomatoes for an appetizer and fried conch (really just like pieces of fried fish, delicious) for main course. Had some kind of fabulous fruity smoothie type drink with lots of rum and then a red stripe beer cause when in Rome do as the Romans do. Here it’s all about red stripe beer and fruity rum drinks! Dinner was all delicious, the atmosphere of ocean, candles, and my sweetie in paradise was one great first evening.

We walked back to our room later that nite and all along the way you smell ganja where people are relaxing on their front porches in the swings or wicker chairs having a drink and an evening toke. Soon as we walk up on our porch I realize our room reeks of skunk. So funny to us, as we unlock the door, it literally hits us in the face as we walk in. Air conditioning on full blast and super skunk permeating the entire room. Hell yes we are gonna like it here just fine!

We have quite a few channels on satellite TV and one of the channels was music videos and its playing romantic music. Well I am busily rolling joints and packing the hash pipe bowl and I ask my dude, hey who is that singing on TV I love that song? He replies, “Joe- Decky”. I said wtf? I never heard of them before but know that song. I look over at the video and it is Jodeci (Joe- da-sea). I nearly fell off the bed laughing. He pronounces words like they are spelled and at times it turns out so funny. After all this is the guy last year who asked me if I liked “Add-a-lay”. I said wtf is that? He said this British lady on TV, I look over, and it’s Adele! (Ah-Dell). He makes me laugh hysterically saying this shit when I am super high.
I fall asleep laughing at Joe Decky, stoned as hell off the hash and wore out from airports, flying and wandering down the beach. Day one complete.

Still working on pic editing, will be sharing them soon as well. Day 2- My man's birthday coming up soon.

[geekymonkey]

That sounds like so much fun!! Looking forwardmto seeing pictures.

[2rollingstoned]

Geek: this is your kinda place girl!

[Lamont]

I am LOVING this report, very entertaining. Thanks for writing it up!

[2rollingstoned]

More tomorrow with first day pics! And thank you Lamont

[Slip & Sal]

I'm Australian, but every place has dickheads. We are all smart asses though. It is in our nature, if it were me we just call it stirring. It's meant in jest. We drive on the left side at home as well, so he probably was going to give you a little stick about it, as it is common. I'm assuming you drive on the right side and are American.

The Rasta man is the dude to see though I have heard. Love to hear stories of weed travelling. Thanks for telling us.

[Rusty Shackleford]

Great start

Had the same experience on the roads in Spain