THE STAG (Fishnets,Peep Shows And Er...Burger Bars...)

[MadCore]

Freakin sweet 2nd edition! MOAR! Sounds like you lads had a hell of a good time.

[gixxer]

gr8 trip report craig m8,,,,glad a gr8 time was had by all


memo 2 self,,,must call in2 the bottle in july

[DanFromUk]

crazy shit man lmao

[Rusty Shackleford]

Cheers lads/ladies

Aye was a belter of a night, everyone was well buzzing

@Gix Wouldn't worry bout it lad, the prick defeated his own rant, he was the one with the chip on his shoulder

@Dan Congrats on gettin hitched btw

@Geeky was thinking exactly the same thing myself

Will get stuck into the next installment tomorrow, been home near a month now and Im still getting wee flashbacks that is helping me fill in the gaps

you thought that messy, it gets worse.....

[PecosTheCat]

brilliant report so far. looking forward to the next installment.

[sp_stoner]

awesome report! you guys surely keep up the spirit!

[spidergawd]

Top stuff lad Excellent

[Rusty Shackleford]

Saturday 14th 8:35 am

WTF is that???????!!!

I had made a big mistake in letting Truffleshuffle stay in my room, I had completley forgot about the noises this lad manages to make.The best way to describe it..... Michael Winslow (Jonesy from the Police Academy movies)



Being slowly drowned in a bath.

Awk well, Im awake now no point wasting time lying about. Peel myself out of the pit, throw my legs down onto the floor.,wedge my eyes open.....At some point inbetween dandering home from Club Prime and having a beer in the hotel bar I must have raided the Burger Bar again, looking at the receipt ( Philly Steak, 2 fries and mayo)

Decide to let the rest of the lads sleep on, and tbh there was no hope of moving any of them

Need to sort myself out, feeling kinda fuzzy....a quick cold shower, get dressed, ready to go! Feelin sweet now, grab half a spliff that wasnt finished from earlier, out the front doors onto the Beurstraat, spark up, turn right head towards the Old Quarter. Love their full English breakies from here, plus the staff are always super friendly. Just as im finishing up Drainpipe and El Cheeko come down from their room.

I chill with them waiting to hear any sign of life from the others, it doesnt happen.

They mention that they left me at my hotel, dandered towards there own and managed to get lost for a further two hours not making it home until 5:15 am Dunno how this happened.....Its a basic right/left turn

Up for a couple of spliffs of White Widow in their room ( I say room, it was basically a hallway with two single beds )

As getting ready to Drainpipe returns from the bathroom " LADS....WTF IS THE SITUATION WITH THE SHITE SHELF IN THE BOG??? IS THERE REALLY ANY NEED TO STUDY IT AFTER IT LEAVES"

Ever get that feeling that you think your walking abit weird when your stoned??? Kind of like walking on cushions???

Time for a resupply, they wanted me to take them on abit of a tour.

11:15am

So headed across the Damrak and made our way towards Anyday coffeeshop, wanted to check this place out after seeing Pengaldinhos pics and reports.

Walked in and had a look at the menu

Asked the BT(bald guy) what was good atm min, "Sharkzilla" he exclaimed with a grin ,stuck his head under the counter and pulled out a tub that was overflowing with big fat, dark green, dense buds

1 G of that Thank you please

The main reason for me stopping of here was to pick up some Reserva X hash, stupidly I hadnt brought enough cash with me after the first purchase, fair play to the BT though i asked could a have a look at at the X, "yea no probs at all" Reached into his pocket at pulled out a lump of sticky dark goodness, he held his hand upside down and stuck the hash to his palm. you would have thought there was stitches holding it there

Heading outside again, I suggest we head up to the Haarlemmeerstraat. So onwards up the Singel, " C`mon ahead lad where is this place??" "where are we???"

You would have thought they where electronically tagged and werent allowed to cross the Damrak

The next coffeeshop we come across is "Hollywood" I haven`t heard much about this place, we enter and the place is empty apart from the BT, he looked excited to see us, i think he was just happy for abit of company

El Cheeko goes for some Bubblegum 1 G ( nothing special)

Only a fly n buy here

We head on......end up in Popeyes, i grab a coke while Drainpipe buys a couple of pre-rollers, head down the steps and pull up seat and commence........

First time in this shop for me, I liked the two tier glass tables in this place, lots of random bits and pieces that peeps had left during their sessions, plus great atomosphere for a morning toke....

The Sharkzilla was a quality smoke, more of an earthy taste to it...... gave me an energy boost ( if i remember correctly it was described as a Jamaican hybrid cross??)

12:30pm

We needed to head on, the other lads had pulled themselves together and were waiting in a bar BESIDE `Dirty Dicks` I said Beside

We were treated on the dander back by the guy that plays that `mobile organ` thingy, gaves us abit of the giggles

All the troop back togather, everyone is told to produce the toy soldiers, all accounted for, a quick "ATTENTION!!!" everyone settles down to watch the Liverpool vs Everton FA Cup Semi-Final

Grab a seat at the bar beside my regular tokin mate back home `Herbert the Pervert` Turns out after last night he was left with 80 euros to last him until Monday, he explains

" Lad I could have been left with 30 if i hadnt of kept my head on my shoulders last night, 4:30 am with a sweat---on outside one of them there windes!!!!"

Have a couple of pints and kill of the Sharkzilla from earlier while I watch Liverpool knock the scum out of the FA Cup.... 2-1 Final score....... HAPPY DAYS

15:00 pm

Grumpy D-LO, Truffle, Chinos had already started on the vodkas and red bulls by this stage.....Headers

Red Hand Luke slides up the bar " You know anywhere you can get any of them there spacecakes???" I was ready to make a move anyways, needed to restock and was gonna stay off the beer for at least 3 to 4 hours....

Told the lads I was gonna go do abit off `shopping` and then head to the Hill Street if they fancied a toke....

Wanted to check in on coffeeshop Utopia

Red Hand Luke and the Silver Fox join me for the quick troop down towards Dam square and up the Nieuwezijds Voorburgwal.

Without the help of ACD Id have never have found this wee spot. Walk in, and are greeted by a friendly irish lady behind the counter (Not sure if it was Ingi or not???)

We have have a look at the menu, BT shows us various tubs of green, everything looked and smelt quality... " This is new to the menu.... Honey Haze" even before the lid was lifted it started stinging my nose!!! Light green, small-ish looking buds....... SOLD!!

1 G Please

Unfortunatley there was no spacecakes, never mind though, still walked out beeming

Pointed Red Hand over to Home Grown Fantasy, he keep out grinning so he was sorted, he wanted to head back and meet the other lads that were having a drink, they had moved on to Durty Nellys at this point.

HSB for me and the Fox, the Honey Haze was burning a hole in my pocket, couldnt wait to try it

Arrived at HSB, ordered two strawberry milkshakes while the Fox made a couple of purchases of the BT.....downstairs and was greeted by, Skizo,Herbert,The Bullet,Drainpipe,Cheeko, The Predator.

Good squad of us here now, time for abit of a session

Bongs rented, skins out here we go..........

Now this Honey Haze....stuck it into the grinder and the stink multiplied ten fold.... wee bong to get things started me thinks.


Anything that I was feeling up to this point was imediatley cut through by the buzz of this stuff, tangy, mouthwatering gear......... easily my favorite smoke of the trip

Everyone was on a mission at this point

There was also some mystery hash flying about that I have no clue where it came from, but it was pulling me in a sorts off directions combined with the Honey.

Noticed this as well



Now im seriously messed up at this point and im presented with a gift........



We all head our seperate ways at around 17 :30......Burger Bar anyone??????? Irish beef,Blue Cheese,Onions, Fries

Back to room to chill for an hour or two, still no sign of the drinkers yet.......


19:00

My phone rings out with a text.....

"BAR CRAWL TONIGHT MEET IN HOTEL TRAVEL BAR 19 :45"

OH SHITE............

[spidergawd]

OH SHITE..........

[ftcarer]

Bloody good read this

[sp_stoner]

!!wow!!

[Cisco]

Outstanding

[Rusty Shackleford]

19:15

So this has me feeling abit nervous now....I had already consumed more alcohol in 24 hours than I normally would have in a 3 months. Nevertheless I push on


A quick freshin up, rolled up the last of the scraps from earlier I had in into 2 spliffs, downstairs and stood outside to have a toke while the Fox orders a couple of beers. As im smoking I see Grumpy-DLO, Chinos,The Bullet, Skizo,Truffle and Red Hand dandering down for the meet up..... (Chinos, Red Hand,Truffle, Grumpy had been on the `swally` since 1pm)

"Wheres the rest of the lads?" "Drainpipe and El Cheeko are away fer a romantic meal together theyll catch up with us later"

The Predator and Herbert had overdone themselves the night before and where just gonna take it easy tonight. Understandable, Id have loved to hit up a few coffeeshops instead

They head on into the bar and leave me soaring at the door.When Im finished toking I head inside and pull up a seat at the bar.

The bar itself is filled with old empty bottles from around the world..... Chinos and the Red Hand spot this..... and to say that they were excited is an understatement

OLD SKOOL BOTTLE OF HARP


Staple Diet for most people in Northern Ireland

The lads earlier had been speaking to one of the staff in Durty Nellys and had set them up with organised bar crawl 15 euro per person, giving you cheaper drinks and free vodkas throughout the crawl itself.

I was hesitant as I know how these things usually work, they will ask you to meet up in their bar, keep you there for as long as they can, they proceed to bring you to the most expensive places around town..

I was correct....... but I was promised a free night from the lads so who am I to say no?????

20:30

Made our move to Durty Nellys Irish Pub and went inside. The other lads had fell in love with this place....

First time for me here, I wasnt that impressed tbh, no smoking inside, which meant everytime I needed a smoke I had to get up of my arse, felt like being back home ffs.

I was being sneaky at this point, started drinking bottles instead of pints, this was well spotted after my second

"dont think so lad, your not getting away with that, were gonna fuck ye up tonight"

So as I waited on my next drink being brought up to me, Grumpy D-Lo comes up to me with an empty pint glass????

WTF IS GOING ON HERE??

Followed by Chinos with two shots, Jagermeister, Sambuca

Then to add insult to injury the Fox turns up with a Vodka and a bottle of Henieken

This my peeps is the ingredients is what we like to call a "Dirty Pint"

"Ye dont have to down this in one, but your not sitting over this for an hour, git it into ye!!" Thanks, thats real nice off you

I cant describe the taste of this, but all I remember is it burnt my eyes



21:20

Notice we are still sitting in Durty Nellys.......

The Bullet and Skizo had made a quick trip up to the Greenhouse Effect to grab a couple of pre-rollers while I sat for a cig out the front of Nellys, they came back down a presented me with a bag of

1 G Super Lemon Haze ( Usual citrusy smell, looked well cured as well)

"Thats for you mate" Cheers for that one lads, Ill keep that to later on

Had a wee smoke of their pre-rollers, I was in a bubble after this...

Needed to the bathroom, went downstairs to find a girl sitting outside the door with numerous aftershaves, deoderants etc. "20 cents " to use bathroom, thinking to myself now, WTF money to pish??? surely not........but its ok she will offer you a 'Free Sweet' when your leaving, maybe instead of giving me a "'Free Sweet' you could let me have a 'Free Pish'

Its after 10pm now, this is some 'Crawl' were on, if we dont hurry up the only crawl ill be doing is out the door of this place.........

We start playing games now....

Darts......It starts off as a normal game, then alcohol starts taking over and the lads start messing around

" Here mate see if you can hit the treble 20 while I stand underneath it" Alcohols is a great drug aint it???????

So the other members of the crawl start to turn up at this point, by the time we where ready to go theres is a good crowd assembled, around 20-25 of us all together.

One of the lads that is helping run the crawl looks like Rory MacIlroy much to the delight of all us, few pictures with him is a must*

O aye I must mention my camera at this point, I had been givin the loan of a camera from my sis before I left and this was the first time that it had been out of my bag, I couldnt work it and gave up on it straight away, so Grumpy D-LO took full control* but more on that later

The staff in Nellys come round giving out free shots of Vodka, I get extra because its my stag...great.... exacly what I needed

10:30pm OR SO

We all head outside and are joined by our new love birds (Drainpipe and El Cheeko)

When the fresh air hits me, its knocks me for six and im steamin before the crawl even takes off

Now when Im 'merry' am always convinced by everyone else to entertain them with dodgey 'old skool' break dance moves.......I only give them a teaser....time for 'THE WORM' *more to follow

The Crawl begins and hit up 2 or 3 bars ltr around the RLD...I cant go into much detail at this point because its all abit off a blur. This is the only thing that stands out*

Inbetween one of the bar stops Drainpipe sparks up a full gram spliff White Widow,and passes it to me, now this was a mistake, we hit a bar that looks like a low budget porno shoot.

I go to the bar order a Blue WKD, go and take a seat.

All I can remember is Grumpy D-LO holding my head upright as I had lost all muscle strength in my neck.

Ever see Weekend At Bernies??? I was Bernie



I get a glass of water and pull myself together*

12:00 ( Can remember this due to the fact I remember fighting with the keypad lock on my phone)

Everyone on the crawl were astonished that I was actually functioning again at this point, I was so close to giving up..............

Rory Macilroy gets carried on the troops shoulders to the next bar

Managed to toke the spliff I had pre rolled earlier in the hotel (TASTY, SOARING HIGH ONCE AGAIN) HONEY HAZE is definatley the greatest smoke Ive had in my life

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS (KARAOKE TIME)


So we end up in a karaoke bar at the end off the Warmoesstraat, cant remember the name off this place, but its just down from Voyagers, on the Nieuwebrugsteeg.

Loved this spot, I was energised, and ready to go again.....

Now I didnt take up the mic in this place, as I said earlier im a dancer not a singer (I say dancer).........but I couldnt get the rest of the lads away from the mic:

Neil Diamond Sweet Caroline



Human League Dont You Want me Baby



Take That Never Forget



Frank Sinatra New York New York



Just to name a few...........


Now I must mention the sterling preformance of Skizo`s

Roy Orbinson Penny Arcade



This tune had the whole bar going completly mental........HAPPY DAYS

We were all in our element at this point

DANCE MOVES AT THIS POINT INCLUDED

*Screw the Light Bulbs

*Body Popping

*The Robot

*Skanking


After this we proceeded across the Damrak.........


I said to the Fox " I can bet you any money that were headed towards Teasers bar on the Damrak, and if we are Im turning my heel and going for a munch, I may be steaming but im not stupid"

I was correct again, dunno what the deal is with this place if im honest, they seem to think that because the waitresses are serving in hot pants and bikinis that people will pay way over the odds for drinks

Me and the Fox broke of from the group and decided to go for a Burger Bar....Angus beef and blue cheese, onions, went down a treat, sorted me right out.

The service was great and the burger was tasty. Not that everyone else thought the same........


Some asshole enters " Give me an irish beef burger, fries, and a coke, and make sure it doesnt taste like shit this time" "No problem"

He then continues to shout abuse and starts racially insulting the staff behind the counter..I must mention that hes wearing a leather waistcoat, *gets a laugh from me and the Fox

Big asian guy behind the counter has enough now and steps out ready to do him, fair play to him, the abuse this guy was shouting was fucking sick, took alot for me and the Fox not to step in as well.

To cut a long story short the guy ended up walking out of the place with a free meal......work that one out


After everything had calmed down and we had our munch we fancied a seat and a spliff, so I mention that I knew a wee bar just up from Home Grown Fantasy.

Coffee and some Lemon Haze..

Enjoyed this, was exactly what I needed, got speaking to an English guy at the bar who was on his stag as well and had givin his mates the slip as well.Plus they played one of my all time fav tunes



Love the bassline on this


3:00 am

Wanted to meet up with the other lads now, they had headed in the direction of the Rembrantplein.

So we went on a search mission, on our way we ran into Red Hand Luke stumbling home by himself, so we decided to dander back with him to make sure he got home alrite.


Job done, it was late on now (or early I dont know) 03:45 am by this point, I checked my phone, had a message from Grumpy D-LO

"Im in Hotel bar"

True to form he was probbably having a huff at his point, when we arrived back at Hotel he wasnt there.

Quick beer, Lemon Haze spliff each LIGHTS OUT

[gixxer]

this just keeps getting better m8

[Mint]

Loving the report Craig, very entertaining mate lol
Good work fella