THE STAG (Fishnets,Peep Shows And Er...Burger Bars...)

[Chantra]

Hunter S. Thompson never wrote anything as gonzo as this. Pure entertainment.

BTW Craig, my wife is from Lurgan, so I can "hear" the accents.

[Quazer]

What a hilarious trip report - thanks for posting dude!

[Rusty Shackleford]

Thanks everyone

Wrecking me brain trying to put everything in the right order.......funny how music can help plot your movements

More to come

[ftcarer]

Wrecking me brain trying to put everything in the right order

no pressure but just think how much effort you'll have to put into the next 1

More to come

Good good

[Lamont]

This is a fantastic report so far, really enjoyable.

[Bifton]

It is almost as if we are there with you, keep it up fella

[MrBonez2012]

Tooo F**kin funny! One of the funniest reports I've read on here!
You deserve a medal mate how long did it take ya to recover??

[Colino]

Really entertaining report man, thanks for shring!

[Rusty Shackleford]

Sorry Lads/Ladies been abit busy, hence the mega late update


9:00 AM

My eyes open and scan the room..........3 corpses joining me this morning, and at this stage the room smells like a sweat/beer brewery.....

NO MORE ALCOHOL IS MY FIRST THOUGHT

Feeling delicate , so quick cold shower(quality for hangovers), shave, sorted.

You know uve had a good night when you wake up and find

1G Thai

1 G of some unknown strain



I have absolutley clue where this stuff had came from, but I would say its been a random pickup in the middle of the antics from the night before..

10:30 AM

So roll couple of spliffys and dander up to The Old Quarter for a munch...

Peek my head in to see if theres any sign of life.....nothing whatsoever........what to do, what to do???

Head back towards Hill Street Blues to kill an hour and wait for the rest of the lads, cups of tea, big window seat at the back, feet up, Quality

Sparked up the Thai I had, 3 draws of the spliff, thats enough of that, rotten

The unknown other strain was alrite though, chilled me out, sat for an hour with a big stupid grin on my gub

Quality tunes in this spot, highlights include

Goldie Inner City Life


Bob Marley Is this love



*Now as I had mentioned earlier in the report I couldnt work the camera at all, I had brought it with me to see if I could make any sense of it....I got it switched on, realised that if you pressed left on the direction pad it froze up but if you went right everything fine..........

Dirty Hallions......they had brought the camera with them throughout the weekend and thought it would be funny to take pictures of well....... there Wangs in various bar stops throughout the nights previous crawl.......so in a stoned mess of a panic I cant turn the thing off again, hit the wrong button the camera freezes...Im trying to rip the batteries out of the camera while trying to cover the picture screen as well !!!



11:30 AM

Feels like my body is starting to eat its own fat reserves, back down to The Old Quarter, and im joined by El Cheeko and Drainpipe. Full englishes all round

Post breakie spliffs in their room *White Widow* , then back to HSB to wait for the rest of the walking dead.......

13 :00 PM

Finally everyone is togather again, banter starts flowing again, giggling fits commence.........

Al Pa-Chinos mentions "I rang the Red Hand at 5 am to come n git me, n on the way home again there was a man shite in one of em er flower pots outside our hotel!! Wasnt there this mornin like..."

He also managed to wake up with a bruise on his arse the size of a small country, from what he can remember someone stole his soldier and tryed to chuck it into the canal, in his words "I took one for the team"

El Cheeko had bought a gram of Northern Lights....... horrible, worst smoke I had all weekend, tasted like pure metal, threw it away....

The Sexual Predator goes for some House special

There was a load of Super Silver Haze and White Widow, knocking about, seems as though alot of the boys had stuck to the closest shops to their hotels that they could find, not having a go at them though, first times are always abit of a 'kid in a candy shop'

14:30 PM

Few of the lads are Man- U -Shited supporters and start talking about finding somewhere watch the match, talk swings to hitting up a bar somewhere, I interject... Green Place anyone?

Out of the HSB, turn left and head towards the Green Place.......

And it starts ..." Where the fuck is this place" " You said it was 5 mins away ffs" Its like looking after a group of incontinent pensioners on a coach trip

I take abit of stick for taking the a wrong turn and we end up at coffeeshop Solo, we peeked in here to see if they where showing the game, they werent so we push on. I must say though, I did like this wee shop, seemed very relaxed and the BT was very friendly to us even though we only step in and out.

A few casulties at this point...The Red Hand and Al Pachinos decide to head back to their hotel, all got abit to much for them.

Big respect to these boys, they can put some serious drink away..more on that later...

A quick walk down towards the Niew Markt, and we enter the Green Place.

14:50 PM

Second time here for me, first time they seemed to be getting renovation work done, and me an the GF kept getting whiffs of sewage...didnt have the same problem this time around.

The mates loved the menu in this place, and I think they finally started to get the message that if they stick with the info Id be getting of ACD that they would be 1000000 more impressed than what they were already.

We approach BT(Asian Guy) Lets us take our time, and with alot of patience lets me and the boys look over the menu, * Aye they had some serious grins at this point

I grab 1 g of Twizzla

Herbert goes for some seriously tasty looking Pineapple Haze

Skizo goes for some Bleuberry Cheese

El Cheeko goes for some OG Kush and a space cake *His first

The Bullet goes for 2 gs of White Widow

If i can remember correctly Drainpipe picks up some Chocolope

Everyone bought from here, and all were extremely happy with there purchases

We all go into the back room, few other peeps chillin watching a Bundesliga game, give them a nod and a smile and proceed to skin up, bong out, and get fucked.

The Twizzla was quality, alot 'harsher' than the Morrocan from Voyagers, heavy stone, and left me with a sweet aftertaste in my mouth after a bong.

Pineapple Haze....WOW 'Pineappley'??? Fruity, tasty stuff

Bleuberry Cheese...What a combo! fruit and cheese YUMMY! Found that it was nice with the Twizzla

OG Kush......Was like getting hit with a sledgehammer,could feel my muscles turn to shite...Kushy

Most of the boys had lost all interest in the match, which was sweet cause it turned into abit of a smokefest.

Truffleshuffle aint a toker, and decides to split just before the match starts, he states while all glassey eyed " I need to get outa here mate, I think im getting stoned"

Wish I could post the pics up, every single picture that was took in this place had atleast one person in a giggling fit...I have never seen El Cheeko so stoned, his voice had turned into just one big long mumble, with a break in between for laughter. He then starts the convo that must have been spoken about by just about everyone who has ever fell in love with Amsterdam.

"Seriously lads, I need to move here"

The Silver Fox........He goes quiet for basically the whole time we're here, chills out in the corner. He kept making me laugh, everytime I looked up at him all I could see was big stoned eyelids. He kind of looks like 'Dennis the Menace' in his older years.

After the match is over we head out into the fresh air, and head back down towards the Warmoestraat.

17:30 PM or there abouts

We get distracted on the way...some stoned RED/BLUE LIGHT FUN anyone???



WHO DROPPED THE SOAP?

First sight that sticks out in my mind....we turn up an alley that is filled with blue lights, top respect to these girls or boys?? I dunno where they managed to hide there 'bits' but I struggled in a pair of hot pants earlier in the trip, so god only knows how they manage it in a thong

This brings me neatly onto our next 'sighting' Now if you havent worked out by now Drainpipe has abit of a reputation for well..being rather larger than the average.

Enter Cockzilla, holy shite, this 'girl' looked like she was hiding a baguette down there ffs. To make it even funnier a round of applause was called for

Heading out into the middle of the RLD we end up back outside the Peepshow...well its only 2 euros.

Ill not go into to much detail but all I can say is picture this........

Oliver Hardy



Magda from 'Theres Something About Mary'



Well after all the 'fun' we decide to split and go our seperate ways, tbh Im not expecting to see much of the lads tonight, I think the rest of the weekend had started to catch up with them and they were planning just to have a smokeout in their rooms etc

Not for me though, I had aproximatley 24 hours left before heading back to the UK, wasnt to be wasted......

18:30PM

Back to the room, quick shower. SWEET

When I come back out the Fox has a 3 g bag Mango Haze, cant remember where he picked it up

Grumpy D-LO,Silver Fox, The Sexual Predator,Truffleshuffle booked the early flight home leaving at 11am, so they were just gonna get a munch and chill tonight.

I needed some proper food...real proper food not a Burger Bar. So we head up the Warmoestraat and hit up an italian restuarant. I go for lasagne, Silver goes for Calzone *Devastated I didnt order the same mine was dry and not really up to much, still hit the spot though.

While were all sitting we get a call from the Red Hand and Al-Pachinos, they enter and we get talking, they wanna go for a drink...didnt see that one coming.........

They head round towards Durty Nellys...straight onto Vodkas and Red Bulls




Me and the Silver Fox, fancy a toke so we bounce across to the HSB.


I need to restock at this point, I fancy some of Utopia gear, so I dander across the Damrak through the winding streets past De Kuil, HGF, Im there..

Head inside, Nels at the counter. Hes a nice guy, talked me through a few of the tubs of goodness, showing me the infamous Bubba Kush *Now I wish I had went for it

If the Incredible Hulk was a strain of weed, this would be the one. The buds were HUGE, smelt really Kushy. Weighed out a big 7/8 G bud....this thing looked like King Kongs finger

I decided to go for some more

Honey Haze 1 G please *Again best smoke of my life

Edelweiss 1 G please *Had wanted to try this for a while now

Nel mentions the ACD opening party at Nes later and that I should call in, will do!!

Back round to meet up with the Fox, times a ticking.......

20:30PM

After few spliffs we fancied a wee beer, just called into a wee bar on the Warmoestraat and had a few spliffs of the Mango Haze, was nice stuff, not to strong but still gave us abit of a kick up the arse.

Was closing in on 22:00PM now, the Fox starts quietly mentioning "I dont want to be out to late tonight" I look at him with no emotion whatsoever...No Chance...

Needed to grab a few home goodies I had smuggled onto Dutch soil from the room for DC at the Nes





We dander down towards Nes having a game of lookalikes

Macho Man Randy Savage is the only one a can remember of the top of my head

22:20 PM

As we enter, the smell of weed whacks us right in the face, to the exclaimation of the Fox " HOLY FUCK SMELL THE GANJ IN HERE"

ACD were here in force

The place was packed, so we pulled up at the stools at the back and crack open our baggies.

Bottles of Grotch, Pints of Gulpeners, constant spliffs had us in abit of a state, all good though, brilliant vibe in the place.

The younger guy behind the bar must have lost around 3 stone in weigh, constantly back and forwards, vapes,vapes,vapes,vapes,vapes,vapes

The Fox had sweetly forgot about his flight home at this stage, he had planned to head back to the hotel at 11 :30.......12 :00 AM now.

A space at the bar opens up, we make our move.

We introduce ourselves to DC, whip out the home comforts....eyes light up, I know what hes thinking...some serious munch gonna happen later

Silver Fox says hes stoned to fuck and cant smoke anymore...DC rolls me a spliff, spark her up, WHHOOOOOSSSSHHH!

I look at the Fox, "Ye better help me kill this or its gonna kill me" hes finished after 3 draws, hes reached his limit, I 'knick' the spliff for the dander home

Cheers for that spliff btw mate, knocked my balls right in...

DC had left the good sitting behind the bar , the younger guy that was working walked over and sort of gave them a glance and walked on.....I turn to the Fox and say

"If he only knew what he was missing out on"

You know the stage your at when you start of with pints, then half glasses, small glasses, basically putting off the inevitable of having to go home, well that was the stage I was at

As I was propping up the bar I turn to look right and I think it was OHM and Tutti, have a quick chat and wish them luck on their adventure. Sorry if I was a mumbling mess at this point

I had mentioned on here that I was planning a reconaisance style trip to report back before the 420, I wasnt planning to be that undercover, I had planned to join in with all the 'craic' but after 2 days of abuse I was a shadow of myself, plus I was keeping an eye on the Fox, he was wavering throughout the night, meaning I had to put much of my effort into keeping him in the game.

So my sincere apologises once more..

01:00AM or so we head back towards home. Quick dander up the RLD, he wanted to see if he could get WIFI there, he did....

Onto FB location mapper thingy "GIGGITY"

Sparked up the wee 'knick' of DC, floated up to the hotel... we decided to get a wee munch from the shop beside the Grasshopper. Dodgey slice of pizza and a 'Fresh' cream bun..

Back to the room, opened my cream bun....is 'fresh' cream meant to wobble and be as aerodynamic and a frisbee? I think not....I still ate the bun though

Had a spliff of Edelweiss before slipping off into a coma......

Last day tomorrow...or as it is now called 'MUFFIN MONDAY'

[Lamont]

Epic, most impressed. And a very fun read.

[BigRigRob]

[spidergawd]

[Quazer]

Amsterdam can be like a 24 hour live comedy show. Your report is funny as hell!

[Cisco]

Awesome bruv

[AzLaker]

Top notch reporting, thanks.

AzLaker