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"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"

6:00 am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!




"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed cereal or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies."
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe - for now...

My father-in-law has this theory that most guys don't like cat's 'cause you can't boss them around. They don't come when you call or do stupid tricks. Me, I like cats best they don't patronize you or slobber on you.

neldo.. that is hysterical. LOL. Im still laughing..

I can't be bothered with cats tbh... I'm a dog man! Wooof Woooof, yaaaassss.... C'MON THE DUGS YAAAASSS!!

Dogs don't patronise people, they would have to be aware they were doing it for it to be patronising

Yeah Cattales, it's the best E-Mail joke I've had in a long, long time...

Im squirrel person myself.. I love to catch them suckas.. they get in my pool house in the winter and do lots of damage.. here squirrel squirrel squirrel.. ROFL

cattales1960 wrote:Im squirrel person myself.. I love to catch them suckas.. they get in my pool house in the winter and do lots of damage.. here squirrel squirrel squirrel.. ROFL

Here kitty kitty kitty with da cleavage cleavage cleavage

cattales1960 wrote:Im squirrel person myself.. I love to catch them suckas.. they get in my pool house in the winter and do lots of damage.. here squirrel squirrel squirrel.. ROFL

Is that a hint?

I know how you love my squirrel

I'll make a call to his agent later and see what we can work out... he's a busy chappy with book signings and promotional touring just now...

hopes he makes a stop in my town.. lol

I once heard that in order to learn one's place in the grand scheme of things, one should have a dog that adores them and a cat that ignores them.

neldo.. I loved the joke.. thanks.. and by the way its so true

Dogs can make about 6-10 different sounds, cats can make over 50.
Guess they have more to say

Glad *some* of you enjoyed it

It's one of the better E-Mails I've read lately...

lol neldo.. correct me if IM worng but is that a cross between a squirrel and a cat? lolol

I am a big animal lover, especially a cat man too!

Dogs look up to people whereas cats look down on them! Although i don't like this trait in humans, in the animal kingdom you got to see the smart side of it

jumps up in valos lap and purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs