JOKES.

[Kingdoc]

Ive got a real good joke,



When bankers & politicians play god with peoples lives during the good times but when all the money is spent (wasted in many cases) they are lightning quick to blame others,& yet these same people shamelessly suck up to drug lords & russian oligarks for yet more money but only after they have rung out the taxpayers 1st,It makes me laugh cos they wouldnt piss on the lot of us if we were on fire! & the irony is its there polices that have got us in this mess! ie ban everything & gamble all we have,& then they have to suck up (cap in hand) to the very people they have wasted yet more of our billions trying to stop? lol like i said if they legalised an industry 2nd only to oil they wouldnt have to suck up anyones ass,Over & out.

IMO

lacks a snappy punchline

The point is there the joke,I didnt want to waste to much time on them thinking up punchlines as they mostly do that very well by themselves ,Ps remember the time jack straw & tony blair were gona hammer "dealers" & it turns out there sons got busted in quick succession while dealing,Lmfao priceless.

[Pauli Wallnuts]

Rafa & The Dr
Rafa goes to the doctor and says i've been having noises coming out of my backside, so doc says ok lets have a look.
Rafa drops pants and doctor takes a look and hears You'll Never Walk Alone, Rafa says what is it. Doctor says thats ok Rafa a lot of arseholes sing that

[BigRigRob]

Tiger Woods-

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.



Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.



Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly. but put me down for a 5."

[TRANCE]

[Trad]

I just read that Playboy is coming out with a new magazine targeted for married men.
Apparently it will be cheaper to produce as they will have the same center-fold model month, after month, after month,........

I've been telling this one to my friends and all of them have been roaring with laughter. Thanks Trad!

Your welcome.

I noticed that this thread got a little sicker over the last week....my contribution.

Two buddies go to a football game. After a few beers, one turns around and notices a beatiful woman about 20 rows up behind them.
He tells his buddy to have a look and he spots that they can see up her skirt and, in fact, are also able to see her black panties.
So, now buddy has a better look but, disagrees with his friend. He thinks she has no panties on and they can see her bush.
Well, buddy says he will go up a few rows and have a better look.
Up he goes, sits a few rows in front of her and snatches a quick peak.
He turns as white as a ghost, stands and stubbles back to his seat.
His friend asks "Well, what was it panties or bush?"
Buddy looks at him and mubbles through his chocking......

"NIETHER, IT'S FLIES"

[Sir Niall of Essex-sire]

I noticed that this thread got a little sicker over the last week....my contribution.

Two buddies go to a football game. After a few beers, one turns around and notices a beatiful woman about 20 rows up behind them.
He tells his buddy to have a look and he spots that they can see up her skirt and, in fact, are also able to see her black panties.
So, now buddy has a better look but, disagrees with his friend. He thinks she has no panties on and they can see her bush.
Well, buddy says he will go up a few rows and have a better look.
Up he goes, sits a few rows in front of her and snatches a quick peak.
He turns as white as a ghost, stands and stubbles back to his seat.
His friend asks "Well, what was it panties or bush?"
Buddy looks at him and mubbles through his chocking......

"NIETHER, IT'S FLIES"[/i]

Whats pink and screaming?

A peeled baby in a barrel of salt.

[Trad]

Sorry in advance to all ladies reading this.


Why are women's a'hole and p**sy so close to each other?


So you can carry them home like a 6 pack when they get too drunk.


Sorry again ladies.

[Sir Niall of Essex-sire]

Sorry in advance to all ladies reading this.

Why did the women cross the road?

Dosnt matter, why the fucks the bitch outta the kitchen?

Why do women have periods?

Because they deserve it.

[Trad]

Sorry in advance to all ladies reading this.

Why did the women cross the road?

Dosnt matter, why the fucks the bitch outta the kitchen?

Why do women have periods?

Because they deserve it.

LAUGHING MY FU*ING ASS OFF

[Trad]

Sorry Ladies.

[DC]

Yeah, ladies are great....anything that bleeds for 7 days and survives, deserves to live.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his butt.

Pay back
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

Sick joke
What's the difference between a bucket full of afterbirth and a bucket full of sand, ya can't gargle a a bucket full of sand.

[Sir Niall of Essex-sire]

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn

Sick Joke
whos the best Jewish cook? Hitler. Whats pink and tastes like Holly? Ian Huntleys penis.

I may be going to hell

[Trad]

Here's another pay-back.

Why does a man give a name to his penis?

It's always good to be on a first name basis with the one making the descisions

[Sir Niall of Essex-sire]

How does an Essex girl know shes had a good night out.

When she takes off her underwear, throws it against the wall and it sticks.

How does an Essex girl turn of the lights for sex?

Shuts the car door.

What does an Essex girl use for protection?

Bus shelter.

Three Essex girls in a lift, one old one, a middle aged one and a 18 yr old one. The 18 yr old notices something on the wall, ' Ergh, thats spit ' she says. The middle ages one says ' No thats not, its cum!" The old one goes over to it, puts her finger in it, puts the finger in her mouth and says ' Its not from round here.'

[Sir Niall of Essex-sire]

I just heard Britney Murphy died at like 7.20, i look at my phone at 7.25 to find the following jokes.

' So Britney Murphy's dead, get her while shes still warm lads.'

and.

' Whats black white and hungry? Britney Murphys cat.'

Even i think this is in bad taste, and im pretty hard to turn that way. However some of you may find this funny and you have to give credit, they work quick.

Hope her family find comfort.