Can you still do the dance
and was it a long time before you found your parents again? 
No tears i hope. 
Give us some more "crackers"
JOKES.
Moderator: Balou
artymac wrote:Now that was funny "Rufus"
Can you still do the dance
Give us some more "crackers"
Well let's just say when you're 7yrs old 2 minutes felt like a long time!! But yeah they were located & as for the dance, hmmmm let's just say I could try & shake my moves again I'm afraid though artymac there's no more crackers 
from me, that's my only claim to fame!!!vandaag is het begin van de rest van je leven
That's your only claim to fame? I bet that's not true. Most folk have a little pilot light goin' somewhere
Here's a joke you may like depending on your sense of humour
It's the final heat of "Britains got talent" and "Simon Cowell" is sitting bored out his farter with all the dog juggling, O.A.P.'s yodelling and child majorettes droppin' their twirling things. When "Dangerous Dan" is introduced to the panel and the audience by the ever cheerful "Ant and Dec". The crowd roar their approval when "Dan" insists "Simon" joins him to lend a hand and "Simon" is egged on by "Piers" and "Amanda" into joining in. The crowd are hushed in expectation when "Dangerous Dan" produces a baseball bat and gives it to "Simon" and tells him to swing it and hit him on the head. "Simon" is having none of this and tells "Dan" this. But "Dan" is insistant and starts working the crowd, so "Simon" gives him a playful tap on the side of the head. "Dan" is shaking his head, whilst stokin' the crowd who are clapping their hands and booing, whilst "Piers" and "Amanda" are wetting themselves. "Dan" is shoutin' "come on Simon, put some welly in to it", givin' "Simon" the old get it right up you, with his fist up in his face and says "Come on you high waistband wearin' bastard" when "Simon" loses it and swings with all his might, catchin "Dangerous Dan" on the side of his head, lifting him clear off his feet, sending an arc of blood that hits that tart "Amanda Holden", right in the face. The crowd are howlin' with laughter, until the stalk still "Simon" drops his bloodied bat and turns to a stunned "Ant and Dec". There's a moment of deafening silence before total chaos erupts. Stage hands rush to the aid of "Simon", trippin over poor, lifeless "Dan", and escort him off stage. "Ant" and "Dec" are in tears, clutchin' each other
"Amanda" has fainted and is being looked after by "Piers", who is trying to make sure none of "Dan's" blood gets on his suit whilst he tries to cop a fly feel of "Amanda". "There, there "Amanda", you'll be O.k., I'm just checkin you've not broken anything " Meanwhile poor "Dangerous Dan" is being dragged off stage to be loaded into an ambulance and taken to hospital.
The hours go bye and the news filters through that "Dan" is in a bad way.
Everyone is in shock. "Simon" is terrified he's done a "Gary Glitter" and his career will be in tatters. "Ant" and "Dec" are still clutching each other and couldn't be seperated with a crow bar. "Amanda" is trying to work out how fainting can un-hook yer bra and leave yer knickers twisted. "Piers" is still in the toilet.
Two day later "Dan" is still in intensive care, unconscious, but breathing unaided and his only known family, "Simon","Piers" and "Amanda" are keepin a bedside vigil. After a week only simon remains. "Piers" has signed up for an intensive first aid class and "Amanda" is being regressed by a hypnotist.
"Simon" has just about given up hope on "Dan" and his own career, as he sits with his head in his hands weeping. Then between his sobs, he hears something. He looks up and is amazed to see "Dan's" finger move and a gurgling sound coming from "Dans" bandaged head. His tears are now tears of joy as he bends over "Dan" imploring him to live, to be O.K., to say it wasn't his fault. "Dan" opens his only unbandaged eye and sees "Simon" leaning close and gives him his best toothless smile and says, "Ta Dah"
Here's a joke you may like depending on your sense of humour
It's the final heat of "Britains got talent" and "Simon Cowell" is sitting bored out his farter with all the dog juggling, O.A.P.'s yodelling and child majorettes droppin' their twirling things. When "Dangerous Dan" is introduced to the panel and the audience by the ever cheerful "Ant and Dec". The crowd roar their approval when "Dan" insists "Simon" joins him to lend a hand and "Simon" is egged on by "Piers" and "Amanda" into joining in. The crowd are hushed in expectation when "Dangerous Dan" produces a baseball bat and gives it to "Simon" and tells him to swing it and hit him on the head. "Simon" is having none of this and tells "Dan" this. But "Dan" is insistant and starts working the crowd, so "Simon" gives him a playful tap on the side of the head. "Dan" is shaking his head, whilst stokin' the crowd who are clapping their hands and booing, whilst "Piers" and "Amanda" are wetting themselves. "Dan" is shoutin' "come on Simon, put some welly in to it", givin' "Simon" the old get it right up you, with his fist up in his face and says "Come on you high waistband wearin' bastard" when "Simon" loses it and swings with all his might, catchin "Dangerous Dan" on the side of his head, lifting him clear off his feet, sending an arc of blood that hits that tart "Amanda Holden", right in the face. The crowd are howlin' with laughter, until the stalk still "Simon" drops his bloodied bat and turns to a stunned "Ant and Dec". There's a moment of deafening silence before total chaos erupts. Stage hands rush to the aid of "Simon", trippin over poor, lifeless "Dan", and escort him off stage. "Ant" and "Dec" are in tears, clutchin' each other
"Amanda" has fainted and is being looked after by "Piers", who is trying to make sure none of "Dan's" blood gets on his suit whilst he tries to cop a fly feel of "Amanda". "There, there "Amanda", you'll be O.k., I'm just checkin you've not broken anything " Meanwhile poor "Dangerous Dan" is being dragged off stage to be loaded into an ambulance and taken to hospital.The hours go bye and the news filters through that "Dan" is in a bad way.
Everyone is in shock. "Simon" is terrified he's done a "Gary Glitter" and his career will be in tatters. "Ant" and "Dec" are still clutching each other and couldn't be seperated with a crow bar. "Amanda" is trying to work out how fainting can un-hook yer bra and leave yer knickers twisted. "Piers" is still in the toilet.
Two day later "Dan" is still in intensive care, unconscious, but breathing unaided and his only known family, "Simon","Piers" and "Amanda" are keepin a bedside vigil. After a week only simon remains. "Piers" has signed up for an intensive first aid class and "Amanda" is being regressed by a hypnotist.
"Simon" has just about given up hope on "Dan" and his own career, as he sits with his head in his hands weeping. Then between his sobs, he hears something. He looks up and is amazed to see "Dan's" finger move and a gurgling sound coming from "Dans" bandaged head. His tears are now tears of joy as he bends over "Dan" imploring him to live, to be O.K., to say it wasn't his fault. "Dan" opens his only unbandaged eye and sees "Simon" leaning close and gives him his best toothless smile and says, "Ta Dah"
Yes "Rufus" i am 'simples' too. I've got a fantastic 'simples' picture on my phone i use as my screen saver, that i took in "Blackpool" zoo. He or she, was no more than a couple of feet away, standing side on, starin' me out like a corner boy. I swear it was saying, "Are you lookin' at me?". I got that and a video clip of some 'Gerbil' type, furry things, chasing and fightin' each other around their oversized fish tank, before the winner shagged the loser and they'd start all over again 
All in front of a crowd of over excited children on their school trip. Exhibitionists
Ah, the memories, as you said a little earlier. Well, 40 hours earlier!
I nearly got thrown out of that zoo for asking a question when one of the 'Keepers' was giving an informative little talk, to all the visitors (mostly school children and teachers ) about some more larger furry things at feeding time. "Any Questions?" she asks, no more Oohs and Aahs as they've all gone coy. So i tried to save the day and asked "What do they taste like?". The look on her face was incredible and she started gettin' all agitated. I thought what the fuck, then i realised and quickly said "No, the pellets yer feedin' them" She's goin' "Oh aye right" and starts telling the kids she doesn't know and isn't allowed to try them, health and safety and that. Probably a veggie.
...and finally "Rufus", about those claims to fame.... it's always the quiet ones
I got that and a video clip of some 'Gerbil' type, furry things, chasing and fightin' each other around their oversized fish tank, before the winner shagged the loser and they'd start all over again All in front of a crowd of over excited children on their school trip. Exhibitionists Ah, the memories, as you said a little earlier. Well, 40 hours earlier!
I nearly got thrown out of that zoo for asking a question when one of the 'Keepers' was giving an informative little talk, to all the visitors (mostly school children and teachers ) about some more larger furry things at feeding time. "Any Questions?" she asks, no more Oohs and Aahs as they've all gone coy. So i tried to save the day and asked "What do they taste like?". The look on her face was incredible and she started gettin' all agitated. I thought what the fuck, then i realised and quickly said "No, the pellets yer feedin' them"
She's goin' "Oh aye right" and starts telling the kids she doesn't know and isn't allowed to try them, health and safety and that. Probably a veggie....and finally "Rufus", about those claims to fame.... it's always the quiet ones
Re: JOKES.
Well "Rufus", here's another corny one that dear old "Frank Carson" gave the world.(Imagine the voice, it makes it so much funnier )
A young lad's up in court in front of the judge for stealing a bar of soap.
The judge has one look at him and says, "3 years" and bangs his gavel down.
The boy's in shock and shouts, "3 years for stealin' a bar of "Imperial Leather"!!!"
The judge says, "You're lucky it wasn't "Lifebuoy"!!"
)A young lad's up in court in front of the judge for stealing a bar of soap.
The judge has one look at him and says, "3 years" and bangs his gavel down.
The boy's in shock and shouts, "3 years for stealin' a bar of "Imperial Leather"!!!"
The judge says, "You're lucky it wasn't "Lifebuoy"!!"