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Woke up to a HP13 spliff on Friday, went downstairs and had a couple of -boiled egg and cheese sandwiches with coffee, Yum yum

Decided to spend the morning in Haarlem so made my way to the train station via Pink Floyds for some Super Silver Haze and another toastie. The girl in here was a bit stroppy and miserable, but the green certainly made up for it. Walked out of there with the sun on my face, and my head throbbing. Cool. . Bought a train ticket to Haarlem for 6.20e return, which took about 20-25 mins.

I walked straight out of the station over the road and straight into Wille Wortels Sativa. The chap behind the counter made me feel very welcome. Probably because i spent 100e on some of his finest Nepalese Temple Ball got nearly 12g for my trouble. I hopped on th interweb in WW, which is free, got a mug of tea and proceeded to skin up with the Temple Ball, I keep going back here for this hash. its so smooth yet spicey and generally nice. Thinking while i was there in a virtual coma, i thought id better check out the Kash Maroccan while i was there. Went up to the counter and got 50e worth - about 7g. this stuff is soft as mud, dead easy to roll into worms for your spliffs. Sat back down and smoked some of that too. After an hour and a half i thought it was best to make a move, so i walked up to Empire at the top of the street. Tasty girl workin behind the counter was the first thing i noticed, then the menu. Anyway got a g of C5 haze, whatever that is. and 2 g of Misty which was ok. You definately get cheaper weed/hash in Haarlem. Fact. Empire is a good coffeeshop and had some decent smoke and drinks selection to choose from. After here i went to Willie Wortels Indica opposite the snazzy windmill . Got 1 g of Wllies Iso-lator for 16e i think but i cant quite remember. Nice c/shop is the Indica, very clean inside and even has a pool table. I didnt have much of my trip left (4 hrs) so decided to call it a day in Haarlem and head back to Amsterdam.

As soon as i went back to Dam i went to Stix C/shop to see exactly how much stuff i had left. (quite a bit FYI). And while i was there i wanted to see if they had any good green, and they did! got 1g Alegria Haze for 11 euros. Very very nice indeed. One of my fav shops too is Stix. One of the quieter and cleaner ones. With some of the best staff about IMO. Time was getting on so i wanted to go to my old Fav Ricks, prolly not the best c/shop around but it has sentimental value to me - being the first ever c/shop i visited back in '93. The place hasn't changed at all, except that they sell alcohol in Ricks cafe itself and weed/hash next door.

So it was time to got to the airport and venture home, with my 42g stash neatly packed and squished into a couple of Kinder Egg cases and shoved down my undies. Stocked up on cheap cigs and baccy at the airport before i checked in. The flight was delayed so i went down stairs and made a hooter in the toilets which i chonged outside.

This is where my trip got stupid, scary, foolish and dam right horrible. Through no-ones fault but my own. I was seriuosly doubting whether i should put this next bit on a forum, but i thought fuck it! i got nothing to hide. Sooooooooo............

I Got off the plane at LBA, up to passport control went through then i noticed the Customs guy follow me downstairs. just as i was about to walk out into "Freedom" i heard this "One moment please sir". They took me into the room where they search your bags etc and they emptied everything out and gave it all a thorough check. Then they swabbed the inside of my bag, pockets, trainers etc for traces of narcotics. They then came back 20 mins later saying they had found minute traces of HEROIN in my left trainer!! . Ive never been in contact with brown in all my life. Anyway they then said they were gonna do a strip search. At this point i began to shit mysef (not literally) . Lets just say ive had a bit of a chequered past, and have been in trouble with the 'filth' a few times, but not for 5 years. When they they asked me to strip and take off my undies i just pulled em down and out fell 11g T Ball, 7g Kash Marroc, 4g Rifman Hash, 3g G. Soles, 4.5 Silver Bubble from GA, 4g HP13 Haze from GA, 3g Grey Diesel, 1g orange haze, Mr Nice Hashplant, 2g misty, 3.5 Blueberry and 2g King Hassan Hash......... all compacted into 2 orange Kinder Egg cases!

Then i was taken to Manchester Airport Customs Holding cells (some 40 mile away) at midnight. where i was put in an all-in-one boiler suit and handcuffed. I got 2 hours kip. and it was freezing. Then whenever i needed to go the toilet i had two guys watching me, they thought i had more drugs concealed "inside" me , so i had to have 3 shites into a glass see through toilet, while the Customs guys watched from 3 ft away to prove my guts were empty . I found it hard to shit while being watched so they took me to Manchester hospital for an X-Ray at 4pm Saturday, (Although i did get 'em back before we went to hospital as i left a massive steamer for them to sift through before i left) "That'll teach 'em" i thought. I Got back to my cell about 6.30pm Sat, then got interviewed. Get This - my last caution was exactly 5 years ago down to the minute!! In fact it had been 5 years and 12 minutes. If i got caught 12 mins earlier my solicitor told me i'd have got 12-18months. Lucky Bastard!

They even gave me £30 to get home so i hopped on the train to leeds and got a Burger King with the change!

And yep, you can all say "you twat!" or "why did you bother" and whatever else springs to mind. But whats done is done and ive learnt my lesson, Allbeit the hard way.

Its actually quite funny lookin back on it now to be fair. Especially the toilet bit in Customs Well i think so anyway

Thanks for reading, and DONT SMUGGLE DRUGS

Oh yeah - I got £100 fine too for my trouble

Axeman

Shit mate that is completely fucked up, I dont think you were an idiot to try and bring stuff back, its too tempting, could have brought less though, 42 grams is a lot of weed and hash. You were so lucky to be 12 minutes out of your last caution. The law is an ass.

I reckon you got off pretty lightly Axe, that's a hell of a smuggle operation

They probably didn't find any trace of fuck all man, they just wanted a valid reason to strip search you, I know they can pretty much do this at will but they gotta be able to justify it at the end of the day.

Ach well, yer weedless but yer home 'n' dry and a tonne fine is fuck all in the grand scale of things!

Nice reportin' again there, chief

Did they let you keep the boiler/jump suit? Always wanted one those with a barcode, prisoner number and my name on the back but not willing to obtain one the hard way

Fuck knows where I'd wear it apart from round the house in winter like an extended pair of joggies

Neldo wrote

Ach well, yer weedless but yer home 'n' dry and a tonne fine is fuck all in the grand scale of things!

Dam right mate!!

Neldo wrote:

Did they let you keep the boiler/jump suit?

Fuck knows where I'd wear it apart from round the house in winter like an extended pair of joggies

Im afraid not, and i did ask!! i wanted it as a 'souvenier'. I looked a bit like that dance act Altern 8.

For those who dont know who they are........

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Haha, Altern8 ... superb!!!!!

I can hook you up with one of those paper suits and a 3M mask painted yellow, just say the word

We had a guy turn up at our outdoor party in august dressed like that, except he had written TEAM BOMBSCARE in big letters on the back of the suit, dunno wtf I did with the pic or I'd have posted it already

Sucks ya got caught and the weed is gone. But 100 quid fine with 30 for a ticket home for over 40 grams?...sweet!.

DC wrote:But 100 quid fine with 30 for a ticket home for over 40 grams?...sweet!.

I agree. I got fined £100, then they gave me £30 back. It costs £300 for a couple of CTC or Cat scans at hospital. Plus 3 'guards' constantly watcing over me, they arent cheap. Plus a Couple of transportations. So basically it cost em a few quid and they only got £70 out of me in total. Well worth it

In a way I hope they're bent cops just so somebody gets to enjoy all the nice gear ya lost.

What coppers aren't bent?

axeman9 wrote:

DC wrote:But 100 quid fine with 30 for a ticket home for over 40 grams?...sweet!.

I agree. I got fined £100, then they gave me £30 back. It costs £300 for a couple of CTC or Cat scans at hospital. Plus 3 'guards' constantly watcing over me, they arent cheap. Plus a Couple of transportations. So basically it cost em a few quid and they only got £70 out of me in total. Well worth it

Never fucking understood that, why waste that sort of money on a fella that just wants to take a wee bit of weed (not a wee bit in your case though axeman lol) and to smoke it in the comfort of his own home doing no-one no harm, and nothing done about some poor soul who will get his head mashed by some fucking drunk in the street, its a funny old world.

Neldo wrote:What coppers aren't bent?

Dock Green hahahaha...

Well in DC!

That sucks that you got caught but it could have been a lot worse.They may have lost money on you but think of all the people that will read this and say I'm not taking any fuckin chances.I think you may be in for some special treatment on any future trips.Worse part of it all is that you had nothing to smoke after all this.Times like that you could really use a gram of temple ball.

Axeman - a shitter about that tug but as you say it could have turned out a lot worse.

But do you think it was a random pull or d'you think it was beause of your previous? ie some bored customs guy run your name his computer and thought pulling you was worth a punt.

Besides the ending it sounds like you had a good trip and you've got a good story for the boozer out of it.