Credit where credit's due, i got this joke off my little brother. Last xmas before our annual family get together at my parent's house, he stole all the christmas crackers, took them apart, took all the jokes out and replaced them all with his own joke printed up on little slips of paper before re-assembling them and putting them back on the table before my mum noticed they were gone. the joke was...
Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneaded a pooh!!
class.....
jim
Jokes
Moderator: Balou
Okay, gotta get this one in before I forget it as I heard it at work today and it won't stay long in the ole memory banks due to the connection with work so here goes.
Guy walks down the street with two impressive looking dogs.
Another guy walks past, stops to pet the dogs and says "Hey they are great dogs you've got there. What are their names?"
Owner says "I've called em Timex and Rolex"
Other guy says "Wow those are pretty strange names, why did you choose those?"
Owner replies "Because they are watchdogs"
BOOM BOOM
Guy walks down the street with two impressive looking dogs.
Another guy walks past, stops to pet the dogs and says "Hey they are great dogs you've got there. What are their names?"
Owner says "I've called em Timex and Rolex"
Other guy says "Wow those are pretty strange names, why did you choose those?"
Owner replies "Because they are watchdogs"
BOOM BOOM
what do you call a woman standing between two posts...? Annette
what do you call a man standing between two houses...? Ali
what do you call a man standing between two houses, with two sheep...? Ali Barr Barr
what do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head...? Hamed
what do you call a man with two pieces of ham on his head...? Mohamed
what do you call a man standing between two houses with two pieces of ham on his head and two sheep...? Mohamed Ali Barr Barr !!
you started something here Doog... I only apologise if my jokes are crap... the good ones contain too much crudity and swearing
Rez
what do you call a man standing between two houses...? Ali
what do you call a man standing between two houses, with two sheep...? Ali Barr Barr
what do you call a man with a piece of ham on his head...? Hamed
what do you call a man with two pieces of ham on his head...? Mohamed
what do you call a man standing between two houses with two pieces of ham on his head and two sheep...? Mohamed Ali Barr Barr !!
you started something here Doog... I only apologise if my jokes are crap... the good ones contain too much crudity and swearing
Rez
"I laughed so hard I nearly had a whitey"
Carla 4/21/2009
Carla 4/21/2009
joke
Two good ole boys are sittin on the porch, ahvin a chaw and sharin a jug. One good ole boy ( gob) notices his old blue tick houn dog just alikin' his balls like crazy. The one gob turns to the other and says " Man, I wish I could do that. To witch the other gob says " I think you better pet him first..... 
Old School and Proud of It.
The operative word there Twitch old buddy is "Perch".
Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Pi-i-ig! (trust me this one sounds better out loud!)
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 but they have to be very small ones!
And finally!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the oven till his Bill Withers!
Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it!
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Pi-i-ig! (trust me this one sounds better out loud!)
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 but they have to be very small ones!
And finally!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the oven till his Bill Withers!
When the going gets weird, the weird get going!
After his successful appearance on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK last year, the BBC have decided that Michael Barrymore deserves a return to prime time television, and they have decided that he is to star in a new comedy show.
Only Pools and Corpses
Also, I was directed towards this little gem of a site by a colleague at work (Yes folks I do actually work but only seven days out of every fourteen)
Jokes aplenty here folks
Just scroll down the page when you get there and all shall be revealed.
Only Pools and Corpses
Also, I was directed towards this little gem of a site by a colleague at work (Yes folks I do actually work but only seven days out of every fourteen)
Jokes aplenty here folks
Just scroll down the page when you get there and all shall be revealed.
The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says…
"Fucccccccccck dude... How much water did you drink?"
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says…
"Fucccccccccck dude... How much water did you drink?"
"I laughed so hard I nearly had a whitey"
Carla 4/21/2009
Carla 4/21/2009
IF these don't offend someone I'll be surprised.
Taxidermist
This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
Mirror mirror on the door
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.
A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."
The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."
"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.
"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"
"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer. "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
Bedroom American Football
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score."
After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7.
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."
The Perfect Man
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation...and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet, ‘You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.’
Janet responded, ‘Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's ‘politically correct’ for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.’
Hillary asked, ‘Well,... how do you deal with the problem?’
‘Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.’
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and she was ready for him! She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and asked, ‘Janet, is that you?’
Messing With The Sheiks' Women
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting freaky with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a cop," said the first man.
"Then we will shoot your dick off!" said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen," said the second man.
"Then we will burn your dick off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"
The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
A: What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
Q: Mud flaps!
The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.
One of the old villagers came up to him and said. "Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?"
The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking."
The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"
Four kinds of Sex
The first is Smurf Sex - This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex - This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex - You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex - This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, ‘F@CK YOU!’
Penis Size
TRUE FACT:
Male sperm (Y) swim faster and die sooner than female sperm (X), because female sperm contain heavier genetic material, which slows them down but allows them to live longer.
THEREFORE:
Males with longer penises tend to produce more male offspring because they deposit the sperm closer to the egg and Y sperm cells win the "sprint." Males with shorter penises tend to have more female offspring because sperm is deposited further from the egg, Y sperm die off thus allowing X sperm to win the "marathon."
CONCLUSION:
Look at your family. This tells you whether or not your father had a big
one.
This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
Mirror mirror on the door
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.
A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."
The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."
"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.
"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"
"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer. "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."
Bedroom American Football
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says "seven points."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie, score."
After about ten minutes later the old man farts again and says, Touchdown I'm ahead 14 to 7.
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can't fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides."
The Perfect Man
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very load voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation...and I'd like the same doctor that did yours!"
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet, ‘You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.’
Janet responded, ‘Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's ‘politically correct’ for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.’
Hillary asked, ‘Well,... how do you deal with the problem?’
‘Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.’
That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and she was ready for him! She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Bill rolled over and asked, ‘Janet, is that you?’
Messing With The Sheiks' Women
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting freaky with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a cop," said the first man.
"Then we will shoot your dick off!" said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen," said the second man.
"Then we will burn your dick off!" said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"
The third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
A: What do you call a gay man's scrotum?
Q: Mud flaps!
The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.
One of the old villagers came up to him and said. "Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?"
The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking."
The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"
Four kinds of Sex
The first is Smurf Sex - This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you're blue in the face.
The second is Kitchen Sex - This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.
The third kind is Bedroom Sex - You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.
The fourth kind is Hallway Sex - This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, ‘F@CK YOU!’
Penis Size
TRUE FACT:
Male sperm (Y) swim faster and die sooner than female sperm (X), because female sperm contain heavier genetic material, which slows them down but allows them to live longer.
THEREFORE:
Males with longer penises tend to produce more male offspring because they deposit the sperm closer to the egg and Y sperm cells win the "sprint." Males with shorter penises tend to have more female offspring because sperm is deposited further from the egg, Y sperm die off thus allowing X sperm to win the "marathon."
CONCLUSION:
Look at your family. This tells you whether or not your father had a big
one.
When the going gets weird, the weird get going!
Seen a couple being posted elsewhere so I'll bring my old thread (hopefully) back to life
Twin brothers Tommy and Timmy, both aged 6, are in their room getting ready for school and are talking about bad language. Tommy says to Timmy "right, when we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear at mum, you just watch me"
The boys head into the kitchen and the mother asks Tommy what he would like for breakfast "Ah shit mum, just gimme Coco Pops for Christ's sake"
The mother yells out "DON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT" and sends Tommy flying across the room with a fierce slap.
She then turns to Timmy, who is horrified by what has happened to his brother, and asks what he would like for breakfast.
"I'm not sure, but you can bet your fucking arse it's not Coco Pops" replies Timmy
Twin brothers Tommy and Timmy, both aged 6, are in their room getting ready for school and are talking about bad language. Tommy says to Timmy "right, when we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear at mum, you just watch me"
The boys head into the kitchen and the mother asks Tommy what he would like for breakfast "Ah shit mum, just gimme Coco Pops for Christ's sake"
The mother yells out "DON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT" and sends Tommy flying across the room with a fierce slap.
She then turns to Timmy, who is horrified by what has happened to his brother, and asks what he would like for breakfast.
"I'm not sure, but you can bet your fucking arse it's not Coco Pops" replies Timmy
cant remember if this 1 has been heard on this thread.
2 irish men Paddy and mick were walking along the canal bank. When rounding a corner they see a man hanging another by his feet over a bridge pulling up fish after fish after fish. Paddy turns 2 mick and says c'mon mick lets see if we can do that at the next bridge. Next bridge they come 2 Paddy lowers mick over the side slowly as not 2 drop him. 5 minutes pass, then 10 , then 20. Any joy yet mick, Paddy shouts. No nothing yet paddy. mick shouts. 30 minutes go by then 40 then an hour. All of a sudden mick starts screaming pull me up paddy pull me up. Have u got a fish mick paddy shouts. No paddy mick screams there's a fuckin train coming.
Peace.
2 irish men Paddy and mick were walking along the canal bank. When rounding a corner they see a man hanging another by his feet over a bridge pulling up fish after fish after fish. Paddy turns 2 mick and says c'mon mick lets see if we can do that at the next bridge. Next bridge they come 2 Paddy lowers mick over the side slowly as not 2 drop him. 5 minutes pass, then 10 , then 20. Any joy yet mick, Paddy shouts. No nothing yet paddy. mick shouts. 30 minutes go by then 40 then an hour. All of a sudden mick starts screaming pull me up paddy pull me up. Have u got a fish mick paddy shouts. No paddy mick screams there's a fuckin train coming.
Peace.
pass the skins
That took me forver to read.den wrote:cant remember if this 1 has been heard on this thread.
2 irish men Paddy and mick were walking along the canal bank. When rounding a corner they see a man hanging another by his feet over a bridge pulling up fish after fish after fish. Paddy turns 2 mick and says c'mon mick lets see if we can do that at the next bridge. Next bridge they come 2 Paddy lowers mick over the side slowly as not 2 drop him. 5 minutes pass, then 10 , then 20. Any joy yet mick, Paddy shouts. No nothing yet paddy. mick shouts. 30 minutes go by then 40 then an hour. All of a sudden mick starts screaming pull me up paddy pull me up. Have ugot a fish mick paddy shouts. No paddy mick screams there's a fuckin train coming.
Peace.
Anyway, here's a joke:
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.
I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
--~~~