Farewell ACD

[Rufus]

Well peeps where to start... This was a post I never thought I would make, but for some strange reason I feel I need to, perhaps it is called closure

Most regulars on here will know that I haven't been around so much for the last few months, that's been for various reasons and perhaps this post is the final nail in my ACD coffin.

Why? Basically I have been to hell and back in the last few months, I have tried to put up a front and smile and get on with things most of the time, but it's been hard. I have had massvie problems with cannabis, totally hated it, loved it, hated it, hated it for what it did to someone I was very close to, had to rationalise all my feelings for it again, swore I'd never be back in Amsterdam and quit smoking in November. So yes my head has been screwed up pretty much Work too has been totally shit and stressful for me and some of you on here know the problems that I think are now finally resolved. Not to mention the fact my marriage has broken down and I find myself alone for the first time in about 15 years So all this together has left me a wreck so then...
Fast forward to last weekend and all my negative cannabis thoughts went to pot so to speak as I was in Amsterdam, frankly needed a break, knew someone going and thought fuck this and went. Honestly had a fab time and don't regret going, came back feeling positive about things, thinking life is good and secretly planning when we next could go (the person never knew this).

Anyway since returning things in life have taken another turn for the worse and contrary to what my family and friends think I'm not a strong person and don't really have the energy anymore to deal with all my issues, I need time away, if I don't I know for sure I'll end up having some kind of emotional breakdown. So I'm taking time off work and plan to clear my head somehow . As for ACD well I'm afraid this site has too many memories for me (yes I have had some great banter here and met some great people) but for reasons I actually don't want to divulge I cannot be around this site for the forseeable future...it is just too painful for my broken heart just now.

Will I be back? perhaps there might be more roadtrippin reports... honestly right now I don't know anything anymore.

Sorry guys for a really depressing post but I wanted to be honest and be upfront and say farewell properly and I guess as far as the personal thread goes, this is as personal as it gets. I actually have tears falling down my cheeks now, so I guess I best go.

Take care all of you
Ruf
xx

[Colina]

That's sad Rufus, I hope you come back someday.
When things get difficult a break might be the best you can do. But never say never

Take care...

[Nimrod]

I don't know you, but I hope you find peace.

Being alone is just something else to have to get used to. It sucks, but you'll find the strength you need from within yourself, along with friends and family.

Fortitude.

[Slip & Sal]

Rufus this is Slip never met ya, but hope you can see the light in a dark time. I have heard your named echo'd through posts here and know of you as a legend. I wish you could send happiness via email, but alas. All I really wanted to say is i've been in a dark place before, but shouldn't have been as my soul is made to smile . From what i've read of you, you are a wonderful character and I think your soul should smile as well.

[tuttiflutes]

Rufus, wish I had seen you when you were here.. Sorry things are difficult for you right now, as I can relate.. I hope you get your issues figured out and come back to us... Life just seems to spin out of control sometimes, and sometimes it just never stops.. For me the later, but so my advice is just to Hang on.. Sometimes things are so bad, they can only get better..

All the best,
tutti

[Willjay]

See you later, Some times life gets in the way of living. Be strong and be careful.

[Balou]

Just know that you'll be missed and I wish you all the best in the new chapter of your life.

Peace

[USbongLord]

fly go free...bake in yer own style there will always be a seat on the spoon train when ya decide to return

[jimi62471]

Rufus, been there .... I feel your pain. But do your best to think if it is something you want to do, or other people want you to do. If it is your decision, get professional help. If it is for the glory of family pride... I would have a hard time doing that. You have to be happy with yourself in order to be happy with anyone else. I have had my own Demons to contend with about this topic.. ...But like Popeye says," I AM WHAT I AM" !!

[Twichaldinho]

Sad news Rufless. I'll miss yer post here for sure. Chin up, and push on. You are far to special to let depression win!
Only loosers would not want you in their lives, remember that

[artymac]

Keep being true to yourself, to how you feel about other people and to cannabis which can be a curse at times for many, regardless of how it is thought of for the majority of the time.
Like most things we do/ take to make us feel 'better', there's often a 'price' to pay. If it can effect your mood, it can also make you feel the opposite to how you want to feel.
Just keep reminding yourself who's in control and stay strong about it, like everyone on here knows there's only one "Rufus"!!
.....and there is always plenty of people on the forum who you can have a chat with, or a toke with if you feel it's OK for YOU in the future.
Personally, I'm always keen on the "Aerosmith" song "Amazing" which seems to sum up life for me.
Look in the mirror and smile ....and as "Luvtick" (respect) said in another post, beat the shit out of a pillow with a baseball bat if/when necessary.
Take care,
Arty.

[spidergawd]

Rufus, take care girl .

[Boner]

Take care Ruthless. x

[ed the head]

Hi Ruf

We never met but it sounds from your post that we have a lot in common. I also watched my world crash around me and I just wanted to reach out to you to tell you that things can and will get better. Best of luck to you Ruf, hope everything turns out right for you sooner than later.

[chillers2]

rufus.......

this is NOT goodbye as we havent said HELLO properly yet !!!!!

have a break and come bouncing back, we will be here waiting for you ( your very own ACD FAMILY ) think of me as your younger sis LOL

this WILL NOT beat you girl !!

will speak via FB,

miss seeing you on here already