fun with lightning bulbs
Posted: Fri 24th Jun 2005 05:18 pm
How many right-Libertarians does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Nope, if it needed changing the market would do it.
How many Stalinists would it have taken to change a light bulb during the first 5 year plan?
A: None, for if the light bulb needed changing then comrade Stalin -- the most wonderous man alive and the embodiment of all that we
Marxist-Leninist-Stalinists hold dear and aspire to -- would have forseen the fact that the lightbulb needed changing and so organised the
5 year plan to replace the lightbulb before it needed changing from the vast stock of lightbulbs which the plan had produced -- stocks in excess of the amount originally planned, for the workers were inspired by their love of Stalin and the Socialist Motherland to work harder and produce more, using less!
How many anarcho-primitivists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Why should they change it -- they deliberately broke the thing in the first place as part of their attempt to destroy the oppressive,
technological mega-machine we live under.
How many dutch anarchist squatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We're not anarchists, we're autonomous!
How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to smash the old one and another to declare, "no watching! this lightbulb is property of the state!"
How many white collar dogmatic Marxist-Leninists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a contradiction in terms--white collar workers can't be proletarians, therefore can't be Marxist-Leninists, that's clearly a
sign of petty bourgeois revisionism!
How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they'll SWEAR the light glows brighter than if a Stalinist had changed it.
How many Che Guevaras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I have to say that true light bulb changers are guided by intense feelings of love."
How many members of Chumbawamba does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it doesn't really matter since the music press will inevitably give them a bad review anyway.
How many members of the Class War Federation does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A: Broken light bulb? the Class War Federation? Those bloody bastards must've plotted it!
How many Bakuninists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but only because the material circumstances of mankind suggest that there was no supernatural lightmaker to "let there be light." Being a jealous lover of human darkness, I reverse the statement of Voltaire and say: If a supernatural light maker really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him. If a supernatural light maker is, man is not; if a supernatural light maker is everything, man is nothing.
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and another to demand that workers take direct control of the means of production, without state representation, which has up to this point enslaved and degraded mankind.
A: One, but he must be Slavic--the inability to form a strong government in Slavic history is proof that the Slavs are innately free people, whereas the Germanic people are inherently autocratic.
How many Proudhonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but under the Roman-law definition of things, "lighting is theft."
A: Three: One to change the lightbulb, another to declare that all lightbulb changers must be equal and another to say that there are "inferior races of lightbulb changers" and that female light bulb changers do not deserve the same equality as male light bulb changers.
How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Bathtub full of power tools.
How many ISO members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They are all busy selling party newspapers.
How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 42. One to change the bulb, two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of capitalist oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should
overthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with
their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The light bulb's own internal contradictions will inevitably lead to revolution.
How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its condition is
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are illusional spin from the liberal media. Illuminating rooms is hard work. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate freedom?
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 7, one to change the bulb, six to back him up!!!
How many primitivists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: three, one to burn the house down, one to build a camp fire, and one to say "that fire is objectifying me."
What do you do if there's a nazi bonehead in your backyard with his hand blown off.
A: Stop laughing and reload!
If a blonde and an emo kid jump off a building and hit the ground at the same time, who dies first?
A: The blonde, she drowns in the emo kid's tears.
What do you call a bonehead with two black eyes?
A: A NOT-SEE!
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: An entire community of them. A few to actually screw it in, and all the others to talk about all the social changes that will come due to screwing in the bulb, and how they were arrested by the cops for it.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One .. they're all alone.
None, they like to sit in the dark.
One hundred, 1 to put in a new one & drop the old one on the floor, and 99 to slit their wrists on the broken glass.
Three drunken Boneheads jump off a building. One nazi had been drinking Guinness, the second Fosters, and the third Blatz. Which one hits the ground first?
A: Who the hell cares?
A punk with a rainbow-colored mohawk sits down on a bench next to an old man. After awhile, he notices the old man is staring at him. "What's wrong, old timer?" asks the punk, "Never done anything wild in your life?" "Actually," says the geezer, "One time I screwed a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
What's the difference between an Emo kid and a dead baby?
A: The baby doesn't cry.
Why do anarchists drink horrible tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.
Why did crass break up?
A: They lost their stencil.
How many punk kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 to say they did it first.
How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to drop it, and 5 to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather sit and cry about the dark.
How many squatters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, cus they have no electricity.
What's the worst thing about 4 nazis in a honda civic driving off a cliff?
A: the car holds 5
How do you know if you're in a punk bar?
A: If you start drinking beer, then move on to vodka and the bartender calls you a sellout.
What do you call a crustie hitchhiker?
A: Stranded.
What do you call a crustie without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
If there is a punk and a skinhead in the back of a car, who is in the front?
A: A cop.
How many voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: voting can't change a thing.
How many straight-edgers does it take to drink a case of beer?
A: One, if no one's looking.
What's the difference between a cop car and a porcupine?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to do it and four to write a zine about it.
Q: How many skaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two: One to do it and one to film it.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to change it and four to pass out lyrics.
How do you get a crustie out of the bathtub?
A: Turn on the water.
What has eight arms and kills its girlfriend?
A: Squid Vicious.
What has eight arms and still can't play bass worth shit?
A: Squid Vicious.
How many straight-edgers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they don't screw.
What is the difference between a fascist and a trampoline?
A: You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Why are cops buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
A: Because deep down they are really good people.
An apartment building has skins living on the first floor, punks on the second floor, and hippies on the third. One day a big fire burns the building to the ground. Who survived?
A: The skins. They were at work.
How do you get a one-armed punk out of a tree?
A: Throw him a beer.
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they only screw in a puddle of vomit.
If you came upon a cop struggling in a raging river, and you had a choice between rescuing him, or taking a Pulitzer-prize-winning photograph; what shutter speed would you use?
A punk, a mod, and a skin walk into a bar. The bartender hands them each a beer with a fly in it. The mod turns the beer away. the punk drinks the beer despite the fly, and the skinhead grabs the fly by the wings and yells "Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"
A: Nope, if it needed changing the market would do it.
How many Stalinists would it have taken to change a light bulb during the first 5 year plan?
A: None, for if the light bulb needed changing then comrade Stalin -- the most wonderous man alive and the embodiment of all that we
Marxist-Leninist-Stalinists hold dear and aspire to -- would have forseen the fact that the lightbulb needed changing and so organised the
5 year plan to replace the lightbulb before it needed changing from the vast stock of lightbulbs which the plan had produced -- stocks in excess of the amount originally planned, for the workers were inspired by their love of Stalin and the Socialist Motherland to work harder and produce more, using less!
How many anarcho-primitivists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Why should they change it -- they deliberately broke the thing in the first place as part of their attempt to destroy the oppressive,
technological mega-machine we live under.
How many dutch anarchist squatters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We're not anarchists, we're autonomous!
How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to smash the old one and another to declare, "no watching! this lightbulb is property of the state!"
How many white collar dogmatic Marxist-Leninists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a contradiction in terms--white collar workers can't be proletarians, therefore can't be Marxist-Leninists, that's clearly a
sign of petty bourgeois revisionism!
How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they'll SWEAR the light glows brighter than if a Stalinist had changed it.
How many Che Guevaras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I have to say that true light bulb changers are guided by intense feelings of love."
How many members of Chumbawamba does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it doesn't really matter since the music press will inevitably give them a bad review anyway.
How many members of the Class War Federation does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A: Broken light bulb? the Class War Federation? Those bloody bastards must've plotted it!
How many Bakuninists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but only because the material circumstances of mankind suggest that there was no supernatural lightmaker to "let there be light." Being a jealous lover of human darkness, I reverse the statement of Voltaire and say: If a supernatural light maker really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him. If a supernatural light maker is, man is not; if a supernatural light maker is everything, man is nothing.
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and another to demand that workers take direct control of the means of production, without state representation, which has up to this point enslaved and degraded mankind.
A: One, but he must be Slavic--the inability to form a strong government in Slavic history is proof that the Slavs are innately free people, whereas the Germanic people are inherently autocratic.
How many Proudhonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but under the Roman-law definition of things, "lighting is theft."
A: Three: One to change the lightbulb, another to declare that all lightbulb changers must be equal and another to say that there are "inferior races of lightbulb changers" and that female light bulb changers do not deserve the same equality as male light bulb changers.
How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Bathtub full of power tools.
How many ISO members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They are all busy selling party newspapers.
How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 42. One to change the bulb, two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of capitalist oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should
overthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with
their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators.
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The light bulb's own internal contradictions will inevitably lead to revolution.
How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its condition is
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are illusional spin from the liberal media. Illuminating rooms is hard work. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate freedom?
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 7, one to change the bulb, six to back him up!!!
How many primitivists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: three, one to burn the house down, one to build a camp fire, and one to say "that fire is objectifying me."
What do you do if there's a nazi bonehead in your backyard with his hand blown off.
A: Stop laughing and reload!
If a blonde and an emo kid jump off a building and hit the ground at the same time, who dies first?
A: The blonde, she drowns in the emo kid's tears.
What do you call a bonehead with two black eyes?
A: A NOT-SEE!
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: An entire community of them. A few to actually screw it in, and all the others to talk about all the social changes that will come due to screwing in the bulb, and how they were arrested by the cops for it.
How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One .. they're all alone.
None, they like to sit in the dark.
One hundred, 1 to put in a new one & drop the old one on the floor, and 99 to slit their wrists on the broken glass.
Three drunken Boneheads jump off a building. One nazi had been drinking Guinness, the second Fosters, and the third Blatz. Which one hits the ground first?
A: Who the hell cares?
A punk with a rainbow-colored mohawk sits down on a bench next to an old man. After awhile, he notices the old man is staring at him. "What's wrong, old timer?" asks the punk, "Never done anything wild in your life?" "Actually," says the geezer, "One time I screwed a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
What's the difference between an Emo kid and a dead baby?
A: The baby doesn't cry.
Why do anarchists drink horrible tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.
Why did crass break up?
A: They lost their stencil.
How many punk kids does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 to say they did it first.
How many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six. One to drop it, and 5 to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather sit and cry about the dark.
How many squatters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, cus they have no electricity.
What's the worst thing about 4 nazis in a honda civic driving off a cliff?
A: the car holds 5
How do you know if you're in a punk bar?
A: If you start drinking beer, then move on to vodka and the bartender calls you a sellout.
What do you call a crustie hitchhiker?
A: Stranded.
What do you call a crustie without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
If there is a punk and a skinhead in the back of a car, who is in the front?
A: A cop.
How many voters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: voting can't change a thing.
How many straight-edgers does it take to drink a case of beer?
A: One, if no one's looking.
What's the difference between a cop car and a porcupine?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to do it and four to write a zine about it.
Q: How many skaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two: One to do it and one to film it.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five: One to change it and four to pass out lyrics.
How do you get a crustie out of the bathtub?
A: Turn on the water.
What has eight arms and kills its girlfriend?
A: Squid Vicious.
What has eight arms and still can't play bass worth shit?
A: Squid Vicious.
How many straight-edgers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they don't screw.
What is the difference between a fascist and a trampoline?
A: You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.
Why are cops buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
A: Because deep down they are really good people.
An apartment building has skins living on the first floor, punks on the second floor, and hippies on the third. One day a big fire burns the building to the ground. Who survived?
A: The skins. They were at work.
How do you get a one-armed punk out of a tree?
A: Throw him a beer.
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they only screw in a puddle of vomit.
If you came upon a cop struggling in a raging river, and you had a choice between rescuing him, or taking a Pulitzer-prize-winning photograph; what shutter speed would you use?
A punk, a mod, and a skin walk into a bar. The bartender hands them each a beer with a fly in it. The mod turns the beer away. the punk drinks the beer despite the fly, and the skinhead grabs the fly by the wings and yells "Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!"