What's the name of the Russian guy who invented a cure for the common cold?
Benylin Forchestikov.
JOKES.
Moderator: Balou
Re: JOKES.
What do you call a Russian rapist?
Gedin Mavanyabitch
Gedin Mavanyabitch
Re: JOKES.
How do Russian women get pregnant?
Rape
Rape
Re: JOKES.
What do you call a Russian with a job?
President
President
Re: JOKES.
What do you call a Russian with one ball?
Whodyanikkabolocov
Whodyanikkabolocov
Re: JOKES.
Why did the two Russians cross the road?
To nick a car
To nick a car
Re: JOKES.
What's the best thing to come out of Russia?
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Na I couldn't think of nothing either
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Na I couldn't think of nothing either
Re: JOKES.
Marginally more amusing than the spam 
Re: JOKES.
Just fighting back, not a patch on what I have been doing on my nice new desktopSmirks wrote:Marginally more amusing than the spam
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spidergawd
- Posts: 4420
- Joined: Sun 11th May 2008 09:21 pm
- Location: The Mars Hotel
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mikelondon
- Posts: 61
- Joined: Tue 31st May 2011 07:27 pm
- Location: London
Re: JOKES.
The queen is making one of her numerous charity visits, this time to a mental health facility.
Accompanied by her bodyguards and a few nominated press members she slowly makes her way along the corridors with the site manager, peering into the many locked doors. These poor souls are hallucinating, screaming, banging walls....It's all a bit too much for her highness.
Towards the end of the visit she is lead into the section with the almost rehabilitated patients and at the end of the corridor is a room with a young man, possibly in his 30's, carving a small wooden ship from a large piece of wood. The queen asks the manager for a few details regarding the patients case history.
Queen: So, what's the situation with this gentelmen?
Manager: It's a complex story, but basically his family were burned to death in a house fire 5 years ago and after a long court case he was found guilty by reason of insanity.
Queen: That's awful...
At this point the man turns his head and on seeing the queen he makes his way to the open door, tears welling in his eyes.
Queen: Is everything okay son?
Patient: No. I have been here for 5 years for a crime i didn't commit..I have lost my family and now they have almost taken away my sanity. I'm not mad in the slightest and whilst I'm here there is no way of finding the true criminal that took the lives of my wife and 2 children. I'm lost and don't know what to do...
At this point the man lunges forward and places his arms around the queen, sobbing uncontrollably. The bodyguards move in, but the queen waves them back. She is understandably upset and the thought of an innocent man losing his family and being placed in custody for a crime he didn't commit weighs heavily on her mind.
Queen: Please don't cry. It must be awful for you i know, but there is always hope in life. Listen.....I will make sure your case is thoroughly reviewed and i promise to keep you informed via the staff here of any progress.
The young man is visibly shaken, but touched at this kind gesture.
Patient: I don't know what to say...You have given me hope that once again i may be able to lead a normal life and my family will finally be able to rest in peace. I'm not sure how much longer i would have been able to hold out. Thank you. Thank you so much.
With this the queen turns around and carries on with the rounds.
It's the end of the day and the visit is drawing to a close. The queen and her entourage, press included, are outside the facility and questions are being relayed.
Press reporter: Your highness, how did you find the visit?
Queen: It was a very informative experience, something i won't forget in a hurry. The staff are doing a fine job and i have every confidence that the patients are receiving the best care available.
At this point an alarm starts to sound, followed by the voices of some staff members, barely audible amongst the press racket. Suddenly there is a scuffle and before the queen has time to react she feels a painful impact on the back of her head and falls to the floor, blood gushing from the inflicted wound. The body guards move in and the queen, nearing unconsciousness, sees that they are restraining the man she spoke to who was carving the small boat. In his left hand is the large piece of wood he was working on....He looks at the queen and simply says:
Patient: You won't forget, will you?
Accompanied by her bodyguards and a few nominated press members she slowly makes her way along the corridors with the site manager, peering into the many locked doors. These poor souls are hallucinating, screaming, banging walls....It's all a bit too much for her highness.
Towards the end of the visit she is lead into the section with the almost rehabilitated patients and at the end of the corridor is a room with a young man, possibly in his 30's, carving a small wooden ship from a large piece of wood. The queen asks the manager for a few details regarding the patients case history.
Queen: So, what's the situation with this gentelmen?
Manager: It's a complex story, but basically his family were burned to death in a house fire 5 years ago and after a long court case he was found guilty by reason of insanity.
Queen: That's awful...
At this point the man turns his head and on seeing the queen he makes his way to the open door, tears welling in his eyes.
Queen: Is everything okay son?
Patient: No. I have been here for 5 years for a crime i didn't commit..I have lost my family and now they have almost taken away my sanity. I'm not mad in the slightest and whilst I'm here there is no way of finding the true criminal that took the lives of my wife and 2 children. I'm lost and don't know what to do...
At this point the man lunges forward and places his arms around the queen, sobbing uncontrollably. The bodyguards move in, but the queen waves them back. She is understandably upset and the thought of an innocent man losing his family and being placed in custody for a crime he didn't commit weighs heavily on her mind.
Queen: Please don't cry. It must be awful for you i know, but there is always hope in life. Listen.....I will make sure your case is thoroughly reviewed and i promise to keep you informed via the staff here of any progress.
The young man is visibly shaken, but touched at this kind gesture.
Patient: I don't know what to say...You have given me hope that once again i may be able to lead a normal life and my family will finally be able to rest in peace. I'm not sure how much longer i would have been able to hold out. Thank you. Thank you so much.
With this the queen turns around and carries on with the rounds.
It's the end of the day and the visit is drawing to a close. The queen and her entourage, press included, are outside the facility and questions are being relayed.
Press reporter: Your highness, how did you find the visit?
Queen: It was a very informative experience, something i won't forget in a hurry. The staff are doing a fine job and i have every confidence that the patients are receiving the best care available.
At this point an alarm starts to sound, followed by the voices of some staff members, barely audible amongst the press racket. Suddenly there is a scuffle and before the queen has time to react she feels a painful impact on the back of her head and falls to the floor, blood gushing from the inflicted wound. The body guards move in and the queen, nearing unconsciousness, sees that they are restraining the man she spoke to who was carving the small boat. In his left hand is the large piece of wood he was working on....He looks at the queen and simply says:
Patient: You won't forget, will you?
Insert something profound here...Errr, life's like my dealer. Never know what you're gonna get!
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RvanSteensel
- Posts: 1933
- Joined: Wed 15th Feb 2012 08:51 pm
Re: JOKES.
wodka ....Kermit wrote:What's the best thing to come out of Russia?
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.
.
Na I couldn't think of nothing either
without russia america would have never made it too the moon
without russia we would all be speaking german right now
Relax and take notes , as I take tokes of the marihuana smoke
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Bad de Grasse
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Sat 23rd Feb 2013 09:45 pm
- Location: Sarf Landan
Re: JOKES.
What do you call a man with no shins?
Tony
tick,tick,tick
Tony
tick,tick,tick