A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment...
After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.
A policeman on a horse says to a little girl on a bike
"did Santa get you that bike?" "yes" replies the girl
"Well tell him next time to put a reflector on the back!"
and with that he gave her a fine ticket for £5.00
The girl looks up at the policeman and says
" nice horse you got there,did Santa bring you that?"
THe policeman chuckles and says "he sure did!"
"well" replies the girl " next year tell santa
the dick goes UNDER the horse, not ON TOP of it!!!"
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture.
Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs."
"Very good, William," said the teacher.
"My mummy had a baby," said little Esther.
"Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him.
"I was watching' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns."
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?"
" It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
A mothers walks into a shop with her 2 children. The shop keeper asks "are they twins?" to which the mother replies, "no, why do they look the same?". The shop keeper replied "no I just find it hard to believe you got laid twice!"
You know how tough security is at the airports these days.
My last trip to Amsterdam the security checker came to me and said.
"I have good news and bad news for you"
I said ..... "Well OK give me the good news first"
He said ..... "You will be able to get on the plane today"
I said ..... "That's good so whats the bad news ?"
He said .... "If I were you I would get my prostate checked"
A Man touring the Wild West, asks an native Indian
what his wife's name is,
5 Horses he replies
what an unusual name says the man, what does it mean?
the Indian replies, f**king Nag, Nag, Nag,Nag, Nag....
