JOKES.

[codejd]

Subject: Which is worse?

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut
off his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.

Which is worse?

1) having your mistress find out you're married.

2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.

[islandgurl]

#3 by FAR, you can replace #'s 1 & 2

[cattales1960]

that was great (and true) IG.

here's more of a riddle for you all;

"what do you do if you see bears in the woods?"

PLAY DEAD

that one went out to all of you who were out there with me in Mountain View, CA., at the Shoreline Amphitheatre 13 years ago tonight!!!

music>sugaree>music

I have a tee shirt that says that code

[codejd]

same here catt; do you think i could actually come up with something that good

enjoying 7/5/95 playin'>jam>playin' right now!

oh yea; here's a joke:

Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.

The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke.

Then Maude also had a stroke.

Tilly, being the oldest and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

[codejd]

LADY GOLFER................ I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

[islandgurl]

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

Can't hold that against her


JANUARY 01 2009

HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT


Hillary Clinton
Was sworn in today as President.

She has disposed of Bill and is spending her

first night alone in the White House.
She has waited several years for this.

FIRST NIGHT

Suddenly!
The ghost of George Washington appears to her,

and Hillary says,

"How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."


SECOND NIGHT

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"


Jefferson says,

"Listen to the people."

"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."


THIRD NIGHT

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...

Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"


Lincoln says,

"Go to the theater."

[AL]

hi im back,heh heh heh,luv ur jokes peeps, guy goes to the chiropodist and the chiropodist asks what he can do; so the guy pulls open his belt/undoes his zip pulls out his dick and slaps it on the table;.........chiropodist says"thats no a foot",too which guy replies "I no but its a beauty though eh!".........................,

[chopitup]

At risk of being mercilessly flamed, my humble offering is simply a question...

What exactly IS a Shih Tzu?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Give up? (or heard this one before perhaps?)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's a zoo with NO animals.

[AL]

lmao peeps,been away so catchin up,...... sare cheek bones ...............................peace....................

[AL]

the queen is given a hospital tour,she looks in a room ,sees a man wanking.
"thats awful" she says to the doctor.
he explains that he has an incurable condition ,his testicles fill with semen so fast he has to do it 5 times a day or he will be in terrible pain. "poor man" says the queen.

in the next room a nurse is sucking a mans cock,"explain that" she demands to the doctor.
the doctor says "same condition as guy next door but this guys with BUPA"

[AL]

two 90 year olds have been dating for a while & decide to have sex.

as they lay there afterwards the man thinks to himself "my god if i knew she was a virgin i,d have been more gentle"

the woman lay there thinking "fuck if i,d known the old boy could actually get it up i,d have taken my tights off"

[AL]

its me again

a polish man & a scotsman sittin in a bar,the polish guy drinks his beer throws his glass in the air,pulls out a gun & shoots it.
he says "in poland our glasses are so cheap we dont need to drink from the same one twice"

the scotsman,cool as a cucumber,drinks his beer throws his glass,pulls out a gun & shoots the polish guy.
he says "in scotland we have so many polish cunts we dont need to drink with the same one twice".

[AL]

old lady goes to the doctor and says she wants viagra for her husband.
the doctor says they come in 3 strenths
25% semi hard
50% very hard
100% rock hard.
she says 25% will do,its only to stop him pissing on his slippers!.....

[geoffk]

the queen is given a hospital tour,she looks in a room ,sees a man wanking.
"thats awful" she says to the doctor.
he explains that he has an incurable condition ,his testicles fill with semen so fast he has to do it 5 times a day or he will be in terrible pain. "poor man" says the queen.

in the next room a nurse is sucking a mans cock,"explain that" she demands to the doctor.
the doctor says "same condition as guy next door but this guys with BUPA"

BUPA = British private healthcare?

[AL]

the queen is given a hospital tour,she looks in a room ,sees a man wanking.
"thats awful" she says to the doctor.
he explains that he has an incurable condition ,his testicles fill with semen so fast he has to do it 5 times a day or he will be in terrible pain. "poor man" says the queen.

in the next room a nurse is sucking a mans cock,"explain that" she demands to the doctor.
the doctor says "same condition as guy next door but this guys with BUPA"

BUPA = British private healthcare?

yeh sorry geoff should have explained that