Amsterdam Coffeeshop Directory Forums

right now i,ve got your attention we will begin: LETS HEAR THEM PEOPLE................................................,nothin racial etc,PLEASE..anythin else goes we,re all over 18 ,whos first me ok,1..A lady at far end of the bar waves her arm up in the air too attract barman,by doin so exposes her hairy armpit. drunk guy at other end of the bar says to barman "get the ballerina a drink on me", barman asks "how do u know its a ballerina?"to which his reply was "well who else could put there leg up that high"...................................... .......................peace...................... now its your turn.

LOL AL okay here's one:

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush are having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

''And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. looks up from his menu and replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

''Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims, "how rude! You're starting to act like President Clinton", and the waitress storms away.

Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers........... "It's pronounced 'quiche'."

lol thats funny IG

thats the spirit IG like it

A student walks into a bar with a pig under his arm. "Where did you get that from?" asks the barman. "I won him in a raffle." says the pig.

How do ya confuse an Irish man?. Put 3 spades infront of him and tell him to 'take his pick'.

What's yellow and dangerous?. Shark infested custard.

What's white and wears tarten trousers?. Rubert the fridge.

A man walked into a bar, broke his nose, it was an iron bar.

There's 3 teddy bears sittin in the hot press, which one is in the army?...the one sitting on the tank.

Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?...it died.
Why did the second koala bear fall out of a tree?...it thought it was a race to the bottom.
Why did the tree fall down?...it thought it was a koala bear.

A stoner was floating down the road one day when he came across a fairy. "I shall give you three wishes." says the fairy. After a few minutes thought, the stoner says "I wanna be uptight, outta sight and in the grooooove!" So the fairy turned him into a Tampon....and the moral of this story is...You get nothing in this world without strings attached.

Why do elephants have big ears?.....cos Noddy won't pay the ransom.

ha ha ha loved that last one!!!



i cant think of any good jokes but i know a crap one that still makes me laugh.


why was the mushroom invited to the party cos he was a FUNGUY!!!

LOL Mark good one

A cop stops a guy speeding at two o'clock in the morning and upon approaching the car smells alcohol on the mans breath.

Cop says "Sir, have you been drinking?"

Guy says "Why; is there a fat ugly chick in the back seat?"

ha ha ha ha , whats blue and smells of paint??................................................................................"BLUE PAINT" the mcartney kids r waiting anxiously when paul comes in and says theres good news and bad,the bad is your mother has slipped away from her terribble illness...............the good news "ITS STEAK AND CHIPS FOR TEA" "doc" says steve "i want 2b castrated",the doc goes in2 all the implications,irreversable etc..,"cool doc,been thinkin about it for while now and definatly want done",ok says doc so operation goes ahead and the next day steve wakes gets up and takes a stroll with drip in hand,see,s another guy with obvious pains coming towards him "hey man you got same op as me?" "well" said other guy" i,ve been thinking of getting circumsiced for 37 years now,so went ahead with it ", steve stared at him in horror and screamed "SHIT thats the word"

Why Did the boy fall off the swing?

He had no arms

L O IM BACK...............four gay men in a bar ,1 stool ,what do they do? turn it over. .......1 day 3 guys went2 a "gentlemans club" one o the guys wanted 2 impress the other 2 so pulled a $10 note & when the dancer came around licked it & stuk it 2 her butt,so 2nd guy not 2b out done pulls a $50 out same as ,dancer, licked & stuk 2 butt,then the 3rd guy thought ok not having this,so pulled his ATM card waits for dancer slides card down her crack pulls the $60 bucks off butt and buggers off whats green ,12foot & got 8 legs and if falls out a tree will kill you????????..............................a snooker table

LOLOL okay:

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a
lecture on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many
people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this
seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question
further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all
the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have
made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your
experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin,
and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought
you said Goats."

Involuntary Muscular Contractions:

A Professor was giving a lecture on " Involuntary Muscular Contractions"
to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the
front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're
having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

He laughed so hard he couldn't finish teaching the class.

LMAO code reminds me of this:

Hilary Clinton comes home from her yearly gynecological exam and proudly proclaims to Bill "The doctor says I have the breasts of a 30 year old!"

Bill says "Oh yeah? What did he say about your 55 year old pussy?"

She relied "We didn't discuss you".

Damn, your jokes are killing me IG!

keep 'em coming IG...i love clinton jokes!

he didn't inhale

read my lips...no more bush

TELEPHONE POLL

The latest telephone poll taken by the Florida Governor's office, asked whether people who live in Florida think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

and on a more serious note;

Calling an illegal alien an "Undocumented Immigrant" is like calling a drug
dealer an "Unlicensed Pharmacist".