Call that a joke ?
Moderator: Balou
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Bhang Buddie
- Posts: 633
- Joined: Sun 30th Sep 2007 08:43 pm
- Location: toking on the 420 bus, goin furthur and gettin higher
Call that a joke ?
Walking past a mental asylum I heard them all chanting 13! 13! 13! so I found a hole in the fence, I looked through and some twat poked me in the eye! Then they all started chanting 14! 14! 14!
Can be found at 420, Illusia Road growing my own
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Bhang Buddie
- Posts: 633
- Joined: Sun 30th Sep 2007 08:43 pm
- Location: toking on the 420 bus, goin furthur and gettin higher
Which is worse?
Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.
Which is worse?
1) having your mistress find out you're married.
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
#3 by FAR, you can replace #'s 1 & 2
Which is worse?
1) having your mistress find out you're married.
2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.
3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.
#3 by FAR, you can replace #'s 1 & 2
Can be found at 420, Illusia Road growing my own
I got a blow job off a dwarf yesterday.
My mate asked how it happened.
I said, "on tip-toes."
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Recent research has shown that if you put 5 emos in 1 room 1 of them will eventuall kill himself because he won't have a corner to cry in.
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Heather Mills isn't a complete bitch...
some bits are missing
-----------------------------
I'd just moved into my new house and got talking to this fit blonde who I noticed standing in the garden next door. She told me she was busy painting and I offered to help while she went down to the shop to get more supplies.
When she was gone, I took the opportunity to raid her knicker drawers (like you fuckin' wouldn't) and found loads of saucy underwear, a huge dildo, anal beads and all sorts of pleasurable gadgets. I couldn't resist a lick, sniff and a quick wank.
I finished up and got painting just in time as she walked in with a huge smile on her face and gave me a hug. I asked her what that was for... and she said, "Thank you, my grandparents are gonna be thrilled!"
---------------------------------
(slightly controversial)
With Britain becoming worse and worse by the day, I propose that we all seek asylum somewhere.
I suggest Pakistan:
We could build a huge church in the middle of Islamabad that dominates the skyline, set up chippys and shops on every corner, assault the locals who dare to come into "our" part of town, set up specialist shops selling pork products and non-halal meat, protest to the government that the name "Ramadan" is offensive to our religion, and ask that they make it more inclusive by changing it to "Starve Yourself Fest."
----------------------------------
Dear Jonathan Ross,
I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?
Lots of love,
Gary Glitter x
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
-----------------------------------
Hit me at 40, and there's an 80% chance that I'll die.
Drive past me at 20, and there's an 80% chance you'll end up in court.
------------------------------------
US army shooting practice Instructions
1 point gun
2 pull trigger
3 call whatever you hit, "the target"
4 collect marksman badge
-------------------------------------
Cuba:
It's a pro-Castro nation.
--------------------------------------
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl'sempty and so
is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
My mate asked how it happened.
I said, "on tip-toes."
-----------------------------
Recent research has shown that if you put 5 emos in 1 room 1 of them will eventuall kill himself because he won't have a corner to cry in.
-----------------------------
Heather Mills isn't a complete bitch...
some bits are missing
-----------------------------
I'd just moved into my new house and got talking to this fit blonde who I noticed standing in the garden next door. She told me she was busy painting and I offered to help while she went down to the shop to get more supplies.
When she was gone, I took the opportunity to raid her knicker drawers (like you fuckin' wouldn't) and found loads of saucy underwear, a huge dildo, anal beads and all sorts of pleasurable gadgets. I couldn't resist a lick, sniff and a quick wank.
I finished up and got painting just in time as she walked in with a huge smile on her face and gave me a hug. I asked her what that was for... and she said, "Thank you, my grandparents are gonna be thrilled!"
---------------------------------
(slightly controversial)
With Britain becoming worse and worse by the day, I propose that we all seek asylum somewhere.
I suggest Pakistan:
We could build a huge church in the middle of Islamabad that dominates the skyline, set up chippys and shops on every corner, assault the locals who dare to come into "our" part of town, set up specialist shops selling pork products and non-halal meat, protest to the government that the name "Ramadan" is offensive to our religion, and ask that they make it more inclusive by changing it to "Starve Yourself Fest."
----------------------------------
Dear Jonathan Ross,
I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?
Lots of love,
Gary Glitter x
-----------------------------------
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
-----------------------------------
Hit me at 40, and there's an 80% chance that I'll die.
Drive past me at 20, and there's an 80% chance you'll end up in court.
------------------------------------
US army shooting practice Instructions
1 point gun
2 pull trigger
3 call whatever you hit, "the target"
4 collect marksman badge
-------------------------------------
Cuba:
It's a pro-Castro nation.
--------------------------------------
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl'sempty and so
is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
..........
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Sir Niall of Essex-sire
- Posts: 3106
- Joined: Thu 20th Mar 2008 04:38 pm
