Amsterdam Noord - A side-mission

[pixeljuice]

First time I went to Amsterdam was on my 18th birthday in 1989. I then made it my business to go, every year since then. Until my first kid was born 9 years ago, I’d managed it, except for maybe a couple of missed years.

I have seen my fair share of mentalness go down in that city. 1991 (or 2 or 3). Went on new years, on the coach. Didn’t book a hotel. We never booked hotels in advance. Just went. Haggled. Let people fight outside Central Station amongst themselves about who had the best hotel. They were always shite anyway, so we just went for the cheapest.

But this time… tumbleweed… not a hotel to be had.

Worst new years ever. Nearly froze to death. Camped out at Abraxas until way after they were supposed to close, bless them.

Then slept under a car.

I think I still have residual PTSD from that bloody trip. And that isn’t even the worst story.

Aaanyway.

Flew solo this time. Been through some things. Which you may find ironic. Needed a few days of just me time. Decompress from life, Etc.

Well, no, I didn’t fly, I drove from the South Coast, on a whim. Jump in the ferry at Dover with the motor. Lunch in Bruges. Because why the hell not? It’s Bruges, and they do this 24 hr slow cooked beef casserole, with cinnamon in it, which is absolutely mind blowing.

So did that, then continued driving the great roads, at a sensible speed. 3.5 hours from Calais if you just hoon it, which I did on the way back.

I’d never been Amsterdam Noord. Or driven in Amsterdam.

Bikes, trams, wrong side of the road already, prams, small children. All going in different directions.

Some bloke leant out of his window to helpfully tell me that I was in the bus lane I was already embarrassed enough about for being in. Cheers mate. Helpful. Smile and wave. I thought I’d got away with it, but no. Even that dog is laughing at me now.

So anyway once I’d worked out how all of the streets work. I got there. I’d picked out Poppies hotel. It’s a cheap and cheerful affair. Just a bed in a box. Good shower. Decent bog. Chromecast TV.

Weird thing about not allowing snacks in the room. Which is why I probably wouldn’t recommend.

“Helpfully” cleared up all the food (a chocolate bar I was relying on) I wasn’t allowed.

Mate. Don’t let yourself into my hotel room. Unless I say you can… and do NOT nick Chocolate.

To be fair to them they did leave 4 chocolates as a replacement. Which was also weird. Why not just leave my…

Weird house rules. Meh. We know you have snacks.

£100 a night. Amsterdam. it was alright. Comfortable. Sensible setup.

So got there around 5 after a decent enough journey. South Coast to Leeds, comparatively. Turn up early at the ferry? No problem. Get the next one. £145 return. All the travel and accommodation? £650 all in for 3 nights including petrol in my 1.5 car.

€13 a day all-day parking once there. Plenty of it too. Like Scheidam, there is probably free parking if you can be bothered finding it.

Properly civilised, cheap Amsterdam trip to be honest.

So apart from that really boring breakdown of my logistics.

Tell us, how do I get from Poppies to where the action is? (Action for me, has definitely changed over the years, these days, Amsterdam is the canals, De Pijp, Jordan, lowkey). The less mental side. I have my spots. Like all us old-timeys have. Sativa. Didn’t get out to Katsu this time, and the Greenhouse stuff was not what I remember…

You get the Metro, 2 stops to Rokin. 10 mins, tops. 5 if you want to be at Central station. Or the free 24 hour ferry. Which is great. Out the back of Central station.

After dark in Noord? Until 1. Fine. Plenty of late opening places. Oedipus Brewing didn’t bat an eyelid me vaping a cheeky Dyna in the garden. Good beer. Nice hamburgers. Went in to a few places. All very friendly and accommodating.

It’s great. Loads of things to seek out. A good place to blunder out of the madness to, and chill, on the free ferry.

Popeyes. Some of the best Fries I’ve yet had. Lovely people in there too. There’s a lovely quiet little park just up from the ferry and go further in and you’ll find some very good outdoor bars and restaurants.

Something is happening in Noord. Check it out.

If you, like me, are more of the chilled out persuasion, and love bits of Amsterdam, but fucking utterly hate other bits.

Noord is great.

As is Haarlem. Love Haarlem. Again. 10 mins on the train to the action. Just less Disneyland.

Empire have everything you can get in Amsterdam, couple of Euros cheaper. Their G-13 Haze. Best bit I got all weekend. I was searching for the old-guy shit though. Everything smells of fruity, creamy sweeties. Which is fine. Totally fine. Last time I was in Amsterdam everything smelled like petrol

I’m looking for the older genetics I think. I miss that petrol.

Also drove out to Zandvoort. Potential family holiday, right there.

Stock up. Head on out to those sand dunes.

This is what I learned.

If I don’t stay in Haarlem next time. It’ll be Noord again.

Also not quite sure I have the hang of these trip reports. If this is shit. Feel free to delete it for fucks sake.

[Kimble]

Enjoyed the write-up – sounds like a trip full of contrasts, in all the best ways. I’ve heard more and more good things about Haarlem lately, and I have to admit: it really does feel like a calm counterpoint to the city center madness.

That G-13 Haze you mentioned caught my attention. I’m genuinely curious – did you smoke it or vape it? I’ve often wondered how some of the oldschool strains hold up when you run them through proper glass, especially with modern setups. Sometimes they shine, sometimes they fade – always interesting to test.

And yeah, I know what you mean about the fruity-sweet wave – it can feel a bit repetitive. That said, once in a while, you stumble on something with real complexity beneath the candy coating. It’s not always just IG hype – but you have to dig for it.

In any case, Noord sounds like it gave you exactly what you were after. Might need to give that part of town a closer look next time.

[HitTheNorth]

Really enjoyed that. Always good to hear different perspectives.

I stayed I Noord on my first ever visit, mid 90s. Didn't explore much tbf, we were just hitting Dam. As I understand it, there's more to do and see over there these days.- I'd like to go and mooch round NSDM sometime, or is it NDSM?

[pixeljuice]

Bit of an update on this post.

So I did take my boys (7 and 10) on a family holiday in Zandvoort in July. It was the week before the Grand Prix and the place was frickin’ buzzing. My youngest is an F1 nut so he was in hog heaven.

Stayed in a chalet which had 2 F1 racing sims in the place. Roompot Zandvoort. Honestly? Great place to stay. £600 for 3 nights. Sleeps 6. It’s 500 feet from the racetrack.

Don’t tell anyone but I sneaked a couple of grams in to the Netherlands on the ferry. I had no idea how to go to a coffee shop with 2 kids in tow (who’d even need to consider it?) so brought some with just in case. No way was I going to be in Netherlands as a newly single-parent, taking my boys on the holiday of their lives, with nothing. No way. Not going to happen. Figured it’d be alright. If I got busted - I’d write a stern letter to the Guardian.

Obviously The Netherlands. So many drugs smuggled in to that country. I was foolish. But hey. Fuck it. I got away with it in, and out. And I was pulled twice on the way out and they didn’t find the 3 grams I brought back. In a jeans pocket. In a bag.

“Oh shit. Sorry. Was in Amsterdam. Completely forgot. So sorry”

Nothing is coming back again. Sadly. I accidentally put myself on a watch list.

I should have probably taken my tools out of the boot before the trip, but I couldn’t be fucked. I was properly questioned about those. All the while I thought it was about the weed.

“Why do you have a power drill”

My slightly autistic eldest son wanting to know everyone’s name. “Nice to meet you Gav”.

Whilst I was explaining how I’m lazy and forgot to remove all the potentially lethal weapons from the boot of my car before making the trip. My beautiful, autistic, boy is charming everyone in the room.

Meh. I got 2 grams of Tenco back and some other shit.
None of which was better than what I’d smuggled in

There has to be a moral here.

If you want to bring back a henry or two in your car. Don’t unload your tools. They’ll be so focussed on those, they won’t care about the 5g of proper Cali you are bringing back to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

And there is nothing quite like that first one, of what you got in Dam. Be it smuggled, posted, however you did it, in your own home.

Nothing like it.

Once I knew it was about the tools. And my beautiful autistic boy had charmed all of their tits off. At that point I knew I was sound. Literally the UK’s most hapless smuggler. Less Mr Nice. More. Mr Hapless.

Do not. Tell their mother.

I did manage to get some bud in-country in the end. Went to Yanks whilst they waited in the car. Got some pretty crappy local Gelato, which I still have, it was that bad, and some Tenco Crab Legs which was decent, if a little old.

To be honest the UK grown stuff I brought in with me was better.

It was The Bud Mine stuff to be fair. And their shit literally urinates over any of the Dutch local I’ve tried lately.

Also went to Dam with the kids. We went to the science museum, which is great, loads to do, would be amazing on an edible or 2. Parked in Noord. Got the ferry. Really nice day out to be honest.

We jumped on a tram to Leidseplein and back to Central so the kids could get a taste of the place they’ll be back to when they are older

What’s that funny smell dad?

That’s “special Dutch cigarettes”

Went in to a whole schpiel about The Dutch East India Company and how blah blah. Deflected it well with lies.

The upshot is. Zandvoort is a properly good place for a family holiday. It was mid-summer. The beaches were empty. Such a huge expanse of sand. No way will it ever get that busy. Some great beach bars too. It’s buzzing in the summer. There is Yanks and Hunters coffeeshops. Neither are bad. Neither are great. But on a family holiday cheeky spliff. They’ll both work well.

So good that me and a mate are making it our base in December. No kids this time. I’m on the hunt for some proper Sour Diesel. We have a car. If it tastes like fucking Skittles everyone can fuck off.

Bloody Lemon Cherry Gelato. Everything. Even in Dam. It’s like the old days when all you could get was Big Bud, Haze and Manali Cream.

Every Dam(ned) menu is the same. Tenco. Wizard Trees. Overpriced. I’m only there for flower to be honest. I’m bored by the menus lately tho. Loads of repackaged Lemon Cherry phenos. The Sativa options are all the same. No Durbans. No Sours. Not a Skunk #1 to even sniff at. And if you want an OG? Pretty much only Kosher to be had.

Biker OG. A nice SFV OG. Like anything other than the generic Kosher Kush. It’s not too much to ask. None of the so-called OG’s in Dam are much cop.

Just call it Generic “OG” and have done with it.

I gave up trying to find good Cheese too. None of it, apart from (ironically) Tenco’s Cheesebanger even comes close to the Cheese from back in the day.

And that Cheesebanger, apparently, isn’t even real Skunk #1.

Aaaanyhoo. I’m not trying to be controversial.

We are going to be exploring Zandaam and the whole Legal Project thing as the range is insane.

Those old Dutch genetics must still exist and our hunch is they are to be found in the Legal Project stuff.

Yeah we are old and stupid. But hey. It’s healthy to have hobbies.

Any help on our stupid quest, will be gratiously received.

In the land of Lemon Cherry Gelato. The man who’s actually had proper Skunk is king. So gassy that most people these days wouldn’t even know how to store it without their neighbours complaining about the smell. Not the smoking it smell. Just the general smell. That cat-died whilst pissing itself because it accidentally ate asparagus smell.

It’s the smell of my youth. And it smelt like victory.

I know I’m fighting a losing battle and it’s all been lost and I’m old and out of touch. But some old Dutch hippie out there still has it all. It’s about finding it. It’ll still be on menus in backwater Dutch coffeeshops. Old heads. Old coffeeshops. Supplied by themselves.

That’s where the real shit lives. Not fucking Drewissharing coffeeshop, where everything is Gelato or Skittles or crosses thereof.

The places where those original genetics live. The stuff the older generation want.

Fucking Lemon Cherry Gelato. Literally all taste. Not a single iota of power.

Weak genetics.

Well that’s our theory. And we are spending 3 days chasing it down.

The beauty of it all, of course. Is that pretty much most modern cannabis comes from a bag seed, from a Grateful. Dead tour car park hookup.

Sour D. Bagseed. Skunk #1? Grateful Dead tour bagseed.

Who was growing the shit they got the bagseeds from?

We’ll never know, I guess.

And for all the hype Greenhouse have engaged themselves in.

Their own hazes. The ones they invented. Are not a patch on what they were 15 years ago.

It’s disappointing, and the reason that the new kids don’t respect them.

I see nothing from Greenhouse that backs up their strain hunting.

They have released zero landraces.

And all they continue to do is just punt out their standard genetics and bad Cookies strains.

When they lost Franco. They lost their way.