De verwoeste stad

[Fat_old_dwarf]

I've been all over the Netherlands over the past few centuries, but never to Rotterdam, only through it. I didn't really want to go to Rotterdam. The only people who seemed to like it were fans of modern architecture, and I had a suspicion even some of them were faking it. But it kept nagging at me that I hadn't been there.

And here's the weird thing – on this forum there are reviews of any number of Dutch coffeeshops outside Amsterdam, ranging from hidden treasure to OK nothing special to avoid at all costs, but none for the country's second-largest city. People go there – if you search, you can find any number of mentions on the forum – and they visit coffeeshops and smoke, but they don't start a review page. The closest I've seen are trip reports from the indefatigable Jesscass, but the format is different.

Besides, the first thing I remember learning about the Netherlands was that this



statue had been erected in the Rotterdam to commemorate the destruction of the city. And I'd never seen it. Also, I hadn't bought any Moroccan hash on my last (and possibly final) visit to Mokum. Rotterdam had Moroccan hash, and it wasn't Disneyland. Suddenly I wanted to go.

[CopenhagenCouple]

I've been all over the Netherlands over the past few centuries

LOL FOD! Maybe we should start calling you Fat_ancient_dwarf...?

Have never visited elsewhere than ams and Haarlem although having also been going to the netherlands for quite a while, but the thought have been growing on us....

[LLMReb]

Fun topic. When my wife and I visit, she makes a point of one day trip. Thus far, we've visited Delft to get a feel for the city and pottery that she likes to collect, Alkmaar for the cheese market, Leiden to see the University and Pilgrim stuff, and The Hague.

I'd like to visit Haarlem on next visit. My wife wants to go to the beach at Scheveningen. The Netherlands bike tours that FOD references seem like a lot of fun.

[Fat_old_dwarf]

For the journey over I had the chance companionship of some hardy old souls older than I: a bearded chap off to spend a week or so in Mokum, who tried to sleep on the coach by the novel method of kneeling before his seat and resting his head on it, and a northerner who intended to camp in Delft. We both got off at Rotterdam before dawn – he headed for the tunnel to the north, prepared to walk the helpfully signposted 13 kilometres, and I stayed in the rather dull station until it got light around 6.

There are any number of coffeeshops at http://www.coffeeshopsinfo.nl/coffeeshops-rotterdam, which is almost but not quite up to date. My goal was to buy a gram from 20-30, and sample them in the more welcoming shops – an achievable goal, it seemed. Shops can no longer open before 10, not that many ever did, so I had a few hours to explore the city. I had optimistically thought I could get away with wearing my dedicated continental leather jacket, shabby and ripped and needing replacing, but which apparently makes me invisible, and has pockets. But it was going to be a hot day.

I arrived at Out of Time, a former early opener, around 10; there were several customers there already, but they said they opened at 10. Go figure. Caramello (€8, I think)and Polm (€5 something) were the only hash types; about 3 strains of weed, of which I remember Amnesia at €10 something and SSH at €11 something, a bit pricey for the city. Bought a g of Hiya and some much-needed coffee, which I expected in my folly to be the first of many. It didn't hit with the force that my first Dutch smoke usually does, but it was pleasant enough.

After a while the Europop reminded me I had a mission. There are a number of coffeeshops on the same street, which I walked along, detouring slightly at 's-Gravendijkwal to buy some cheap Afghan at Amigo. Haven't touched it in the Dam for years, and thought I'd probably regret it, but it turned out to be spicy, clean and reasonably strong, at least by local standards. At least when I finally got round to smoking it. €10 for 2.8g. According to the guide, there was a smoking room, but as with many Rotterdam shops it isn't always immediately clear where it is or whether it's in use.

At Nemo there was a better choice of weed – I mostly go for hash, because it's better value for money and has superior canine qualities, but I like to have at least a half-decent strain to impart a certain uplifting quality that only the green seems to have. Jack Herrer and Something Skunk, both for €8 a g; again, acceptable for the price, nothing special. They've got a smoking room, but no coffee, so I gloomily went for Chocomel. (Could someone explain to me why everyone else raves about this stuff? It's chocolate milk, and tastes remarkably like chocolate milk does all over the planet. Nothing wrong with it, but hardly the ambrosia you'd think it was from the way some people bang on.) The shop is air-conditioned, which was a relief – I took off that damned jacket as though I could absorb some coolness through my skin for the next few hours of exploring.

There were still more shops on the street, but I'll leave you with some pictures from Nemo, as I smoke my pipe and drink my kiddie drink.

[Fat_old_dwarf]

Continuing along Nieuwe Binnenmarkt, there's Pluto (B&F only), and Sky High, which has a smoking area, though not a tempting one. I can't remember purchases here, but both were probably Moroccan something and around the €8-10 mark. Next was Centrum, likewise, B&F only. On to Witte de With, much hyped, but which Jesscass was disappointed by, what with expensive product and lack of chairs. I go in and see a coffee machine, which makes me happy, but am told it's B&F only, as are an Italian couple, whom the budtender advises on smoking in the park. So has the policy changed, or were we the Wrong Sort of People? Can't be sure.

What with my accursed jacket and overnight journey, I was longing for a second coffee and a smoke. Coffee was harder than I'd suspected – I usually hit my caffeine limit long before my cannabis one – but at least I could smoke, in theory. I sat on a bench on a rare canal, contemplating the concept. Then a German couple and their child joined me and ate lunch, so I took pictures of a heron instead. The mother told her child it was a crane, and I wondered if she was right. Also, it occurred to me that I'd feel just a tad awkward as a German in Rotterdam.

Then I noticed that the Four Floors was pretty much opposite me – surely one of those floors must provide chairs, and a pleasant atmosphere for a visiting smoker? I visit it for a gram of guess what again, but they only have machine drinks, and I don't see the coffee machine (I did the second time round). So I don't stay.

Even with an early check-in at 1.30, there's still time to visit 't Geeltje – B&F – and London. The latter was praised by Jesscass as a hangout, so I'm looking forward to it. Also, he said that the older budtender was a bit of a hypocrite, and I'm dying to see how you can find this out from buying something to smoke. But I'm told it's only B&F, by a young bartender. 'We're a local shop, for local people, and we don't want your sort around here. Sure, I remember Jesscass, great guy, lots of fun, didn't mind him. Your face doesn't fit, no offence.'

No, he didn't say that. What he said was, 'Where are you from?' 'London,' I said ironically, and went to check in to my hotel.

A heron. Or, you know, a crane.



A duck.

[Fat_old_dwarf]

After some sleep and a shower I'm ready to tackle the city again. Free from the jacket, but I have to carry my passport and wallet in a bag, which never makes me a happy bunny. First Sensi Smile, where there's a soulless square goldfish bowl for smoking in that doesn't tempt me, then Bellamy, which is B&F only. I never get asked for ID in A'dam, being 97 (although I can pass for 96), but most shops in Rotterdam have bouncers who want to see it. Although at Bellamy the bouncer laughs and says, 'Never give up.' Make up your sodding mind, I think to myself.

Now I realise why there are no Rotterdam shop reviews – it's akin to buying mediocre sandwiches from kiosks, where there are minor differences, but not really the sort that would make you fiercely loyal to one or the other. I've already, predictably, lost track of where I've bought what, because nothing really stands out. And though I'm ahead of my own schedule in checking out shops, I've rather lost the desire to do so, as there doesn't seem to be much point. I wander about the city, take pictures of the statue, decide to have an al fresco smoke on the canal, and wander back to my hotel before going for a nightcap at Out of Time, where I know there'll be coffee.

Except there isn't. It's after 9, they close at 10, the machine has been switched off. So I buy some very cheap polm, ignore being overcharged by a confusing 20 cents, and drink another Chocomel. If you can't beat them...

De Verwoeste Stad.



Hey, Brussels has a pissing boy, Rotterdam has a gnome with a butt plug.



A big piece of modern architecture to appreciate.

[LLMReb]

Great read! I'm very much enjoying the sarcasm that you sprinkle into your writing.

Ha- Chocomel, or Yoohoo! in the US, both crappy, watery, pseudo chocolate milk without the milk.

[Fat_old_dwarf]

Next morning I go for my first smoke at Out of Time, before visiting the part of Rotterdam that didn't get bombed, then going across the Erasmusbrug to explore the south. Neither their hiya or polm was inspiring, even in comparison with other shops, so I ask for a g of Amnesia, although there are better deals on weed elsewhere. After showing me the tub and confirming it's Amnesia, the budtender charges the SSH price, roughly €1 more. I don't have the heart to say anything, and hey, they gave me a biscuit with my coffee this time. Also a larger cup of coffee. Rotterdam is weird.

The old part of Rotterdam hosts the church where the Pilgrims prayed before taking their particular brand of intolerance to America, so I thought I'd visit it. Actually, they didn't pray there, but only near it, on the quay. Maybe they couldn't get on with anybody. The church was closed – it's only open a couple of days a week, so I didn't get to go inside either. A metaphor for something, perhaps.

Yes, the bridge is very impressive, all 850m of it, but after crossing it I abandon my plans to go to shops in the south. They're not very close together, and it doesn't seem likely I'm going to gain much by doing it. Instead, I head back over the bridge to two shops that I know have smoking rooms – Reef and 't Trefpunkt. The former has an extremely limited selection, and nothing appeals; the most interesting thing about it is the list of rules at the entrance. It covers pretty much everything, from your dress and your attitude to your obligation to give them your first-born puppy, and is the only list of rules I've ever seen that includes the obligation to obey the list of rules. I wander off to 't Trefpunkt without much hope, knowing that if it's barely tolerable, I'll have to put up with it if I want a second smoke of the day.

But it turns out to be a lifesaver. First of all, it's got air-conditioning – even without a jacket, it's stifling on the street. There are four free computers, a wifi code displayed so that you don't have to beg, table football, a good mix of locals and tourists, actually an atmosphere. The hia is at the top of the range, and even though I feel like I've just wandered into a youth club, I'm a happy bunny. Then a Swedish Elton John lookalike and his companion come in, and I'm not even the oldest in the shop.

One of the coffeeshop staff comes in to clear up and chat. He tells some people that in Amsterdam there are separate queues for foreigners in coffeeshops, that they'll be charged twice the price unless they speak Dutch. Um, what? Never noticed that in Mokum, but it might explain Out of Time's idiosyncratic approach to pricing. Then, just to make things odder, as I walk out, someone runs down the street after me, because a €2 piece has fallen out of my pocket. Which is something I don't think I've experienced elsewhere – they might give you a shout, or pocket it, depending on mood, but this is certainly beyond the call of duty.

Pilgrim Church.



Erasmus Bridge.



Euromast.

[OneHighMofo]

Possibly the most intriguing picture of a duck I've ever seen.

[LLMReb]

Possibly the most intriguing picture of a duck I've ever seen

Looked like an algae pond.

[OneHighMofo]

Possibly the biggest gnome with a buttplug I've ever seen - although there was that one cheeky little fellow...

[Nuggz]

Well Dwarfy this has been quite the inspiring travelogue I'm packing my bags now, bye bye Mokum; Hello Rotterdam!!!

I digress, on to more pressing matters - Of all the Rotterdam coffeeshops frequented by you thus far, would you say trefpunkt takes tops for quality of product?

If the scene is really that depressing you could make for a quick excursion to Den Haag and give a go at Cremers & Dizzy Duck both seem to get lots of rave reviews so probably worth checking out...

[Fat_old_dwarf]

It probably is meaningless to judge quality from one sample of one kind from most places. I didn't expect much of the weed, but it's better than I'd hoped for. There is precious little difference between the effect of the various Hiya/Caramello/etc. samples, and of course the one or two that are a bit oilier and generally more idiosyncratic – well, I didn't keep records well enough to remember which it was from. What surprised me most is that the dirt-cheap Afghan was decent, which made me think Amigo was probably worth returning to for their other offerings. They do deals on bulk as well. But they're only B&F.

The thing about 't Trefpunkt was that it made me realise how sparse the actual coffeeshop culture is in Rotterdam, as compared with anywhere else I've been. Even where you can smoke, it isn't exactly inviting; nobody was sitting in the glass cage at Sensi Smile, and I certainly wasn't going to. Nemo has a sign saying that you can't stay more than an hour – and I'm sure those massive windows are deliberately intended to allow Proper Dutch Citizens to see you indulging. I was deliriously happy to be in 't Trefpunkt because it had coffee – OK, from a machine, but from beans and only €1 – and a half-decent seating area. And no locks on the toilet – sure, I can understand keeping non-customers out, but at Nemo you get checked by some big bouncers at the door and then go through a turnstile into the smoking area. Having to be buzzed into the toilet is overkill, surely.

But the thing was – in Mokum it would have been a coffeeshop that I only would have smoked in if it were the only shop where I happened to be, no matter how good its product. In Rotterdam, apart from Out of Time, it was the only shop that seemed to have any sort of atmosphere, and that shop had a poor/overpriced selection (although Jesscass found it better, so maybe it varies a lot). My guess is that locals socialise more in smoke-friendly bars – I saw a number of people smoking in the doorways, though they definitely looked like local bars for local people.

I've been to the Hague, and Cremers is probably my favourite coffeeshop in the country. Gutted that I missed Dizzy Duck, but there's always another time. I've heard good things about Delft, and if it's worth walking 13km from Rotterdam, it should probably be on my list as well.

[Jesscass]

Top report about Rotterdam, Fat_old_dwarf, thank you very much! Well chosen title, know about Germans bombing out town during Second World War, wonder what it would have looked like today.
Also dig your humour, especially since you don‘t use any emoticons(even though use them myself still have to piss myself laughing when people, especially youngsters, trying to tell me they‘re essential for a better understanding respectively it improved communication in general. This one is for you guys: )
This town is special indeed(personally have three unique towns in this country: 1. Amsterdam; unique but isn‘t that representative for dutch culture for some reasons 2. Rotterdam; because of modern architecture and 3. Maastricht; for architecture in a good way, lovely little town I miss very much). Remember a mate experiencied with coffeeshop culture outside of Dam ages ago who had to work there for some time told me it was his strangest experience with coffeeshops he ever had.
Only went there years later. Met people born there beforehand and they always told me it‘s sort of rough but warm people once they get to know you.
I can agree with that to some degree but personally didn‘t have major problems. Also remember had a good time enjoying their random nightlife around town.
While am not into coffee as a tea person myself I agree on Chocomel which I have every now and then but don‘t know why its so hyped in certain circles. Coffeeshopwise because of the freedom to consume in public while having this I assume if you know what I mean.
Interesting Pluto is now not a coffeeshop with the atmosphere and style of a random headshop anymore but buy and fly, at least they had a couch back then.
Regarding this hypocrite at London I can understand your suspicion as 'arsehole' would have been more adequate. Thing was this guy served me at least on one occassion but was pretending he didn‘t understand anything and ignoring me on an other one.
Sorry, but every now and then my language sucks hard.
By the way next visit I‘ll give them a bollocking and order to treat you better if you‘re ever around again, act of honour and all that!
In Sensi Smile I even sat in this tiny glass cage once(together with someone else), also mentioned this somewhere else on here; like their gear though.
You said there were no real differencies between the various offers of moroccan hashish and agree with that but as said before it‘s still a good standard over there and I‘d be happy to toke on this for the rest of my life.
By the way it‘s funny you mention dreadful border Afghan as was on a hash hunt as usual a couple of days back locally to check out a new contact claiming to have 'best hash in this certain area'.
This youngster then came up with said 'hash' and it didn‘t look more than ok(minty and not this very shiny stuff); even indulged out of fun but was surprised it almost didn‘t got me high, very weak effect(while not having consumed for a couple of days so straight crap!).
Best was the asked price of 7€/g though while this crap isn‘t worth more than 2-3€/g; which is still possible elsewhere.
On the other hand the Amnesia I was offered for soothing my discomfort which I didn‘t hide as usual was one of the best I had in years, rather lethal. Not buying for a coffeeshop price though.
Bummer you didn‘t like Out Of Time as on both trips had no complaints. Seems considering your report other genetics still haven‘t arrived at all in Rotterdam apart from those from Afghanistan/Pakistan which is on one hand boring but on the other I take it there are still enough grades around of classic moroccan descendent.
All in all this report is another motivation returning there. Maybe even make it to the harbor finally which haven‘t been yet.

[Fat_old_dwarf]

Never been to Maastricht, and have to remedy that at some time, possibly on the way to or from Germany.

I suppose I should wrap up the trip now, or I never will. I bought something else from Four Floors, partially because they supply plastic boxes, and noticed that they also charge €0.20 for them, as indicated dutchly on their menu. Not a bad idea if it encourages recycling, but as nothing was specifically said about it I suspect you can't avoid the charge that way. Might be worth a try, though, if you want to give them a cheap laugh. Thought of staying for a drink now I'd noticed their coffee machine, but there was no guarantee that any of those floors would be air conditioned, and besides, I'd had a relatively stair-free trip for Holland. So went back to Nemo; as they had only two ordinary hash sorts, neither of which looked all that tempting, I tried a half g of isolator for €11. Like most of its sort, I don't really find it worth the money, but a change is as good as a tolerance break. Sort of. Nemo has the naffest paraphernalia, etc. I've seen for a while, but it also has a good selection of no-frills pipes for €5 and €10, if you arrive unprepared.

Did some more sightseeing, took some photos, risked a bit of al fresco smoking in the green bits of town. Picked up my jacket, which I had left at the hotel. For some reason, it felt odder to put a jacket in the luggage room, but when I went to retrieve it a new receptionist ushered me into a room where there were at least half a dozen similar black leather jackets. It seemed unlikely that everyone checking out that day had the same problem of poor sartorial choice that I had, and equally likely that all these jackets were forgotten by previous guests – because there were only black leather jackets, no other clothing whatsoever. I have been thinking about this, off and on, ever since.

Bought food for the journey, walked through the city, attracted unwanted pigeons. Decided to explore the area north of the station, and realised I'd left the jacket hanging on the back of one of those nifty swivel chairs they have on the street. Went back through the tunnel, expecting it to be gone or destroyed as a suspicious object, but it was still there.

Nemo pricelist (sorry for quality – if you compare with other pricelists you get an idea – e.g. hash in middle section right side, three kinds).



Random river photo.



New cruise ship for Germans, apparently.



If nobody tells me whether this is a heron or a crane, I'm going to keep posting photos.